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My husband is terrible with words. He is uncomfortable expressing what he calls "mushy feelings". He does have feelings but he shows them with actions instead of words.
I did ask him to describe me in 3 words after I read this post. Without looking away from the cooking show he was watching on TV he said "Boobs, butt, boobs." I got a huge laugh out of that.
Most men aren't poetic with their words. You said you work hard because you HAVE to and because of your husband. It doesn't take a smart person to realize there is most likely some bitterness there and it comes out consciously or not. You want to be known for something else besides a hard worker and animal lover then it's up to you to change your image. Also, stop looking for other to make you feel validated, only you can do that.
Didn't mean it that mean - just giving the short version
Quote:
Originally Posted by carlitasway
Most men aren't poetic with their words. You said you work hard because you HAVE to and because of your husband. It doesn't take a smart person to realize there is most likely some bitterness there and it comes out consciously or not. You want to be known for something else besides a hard worker and animal lover then it's up to you to change your image. Also, stop looking for other to make you feel validated, only you can do that.
My husband and I are both self employed but different lines of work. He is a CPA and has an MBA and several other certifications. In a nutshell, I owned a business (different one), sold it, total life change from those (good) years, death of parents (3 in 10 years), tons of caregiving for parents and financial help for my parents (on going for so many years), then had to fight a huge legal battle which he won (cost us a lot) and we have to pay that back. Back, we are grateful, we are survivors and we are just not where we should be but one step at a time trying to get back. It's just we never get a break but I was loyal, committed and I guess worked hard to help him make it happen.
Note: I don't mind being known as an animal lover. That one I really don't mind but I would think another word might have entered his mind but this thread has helped and like I said, he's a good guy with many wonderful qualities. I was just shocked because we just saw this scene in the movie and he commented on the guy's comment "Wow, that was a bit harsh" and that's when I popped the question so I felt he was in the moment.
My husband and I are both self employed but different lines of work. He is a CPA and has an MBA and several other certifications. In a nutshell, I owned a business (different one), sold it, total life change from those (good) years, death of parents (3 in 10 years), tons of caregiving for parents and financial help for my parents (on going for so many years), then had to fight a huge legal battle which he won (cost us a lot) and we have to pay that back. Back, we are grateful, we are survivors and we are just not where we should be but one step at a time trying to get back. It's just we never get a break but I was loyal, committed and I guess worked hard to help him make it happen.
Note: I don't mind being known as an animal lover. That one I really don't mind but I would think another word might have entered his mind but this thread has helped and like I said, he's a good guy with many wonderful qualities. I was just shocked because we just saw this scene in the movie and he commented on the guy's comment "Wow, that was a bit harsh" and that's when I popped the question so I felt he was in the moment.
im an animal lover too-i can relate
a good man,,,will live by- actions are louder than words..- much better than a b.s. artist,, or a car salesman,,,that is slick and glib...but doesnt back it up... and the words have no meaning
Last night, my husband and I were watching a movie.
After the movie, I asked him to describe me in 3 words (or sentences) - his answer really surprised me and it basically depressed me all night. I expected something like "sensitive, kind, etc" but what I got was "hard working" and after a long pause "loves our dogs".....
I asked our son today what he thought and he said "thoughtful, helps others and works hard" - So, I felt slightly vindicated but it got me thinking.
Relationships are really important to me and I was rather shocked at my husband's first words.
Maybe ask around....
Everyone thinks I'm a church lady... or very religious. I'm surprised at this because I don't go to church and am not very religious. I am very spiritual, but being very spiritual and being very religious are different. lol Not sure why I give off those vibes...
I got sad inside - because I'm aware I work hard - because I have to - and it has a lot to do with my husband that I have to - but anyway, doing it and all OK - but I want to be known for more than "working hard" - the "loves animals" bit I'm more OK with because there's feeling in there - but to just remembered as a hard worker hurt my feelings (uh, there's that sensitive word!)
So, it caused me to question myself - I guess I just want people to see me differently; like more fun - thoughtful is fine (from my son which is the first word he thought of) but if I were not here, I wouldn't want people just saying "Oh yeah, she was a hard worker" and just be remembered for that.
So, I felt let down especially someone I'm very close to and who I consider to be a kind, considerate person and someone who I have a lot in common with.
Okay, you need to go to this website/read this book. I'm going to guess that you show your love for people by doing Acts of Service. Probably LOTS of Acts of Service. And they know and appreciate that.
Maybe you want to be seen as a Quality Time Person (fun to be with). If that is the case, you can learn a new love language. BUT that will not necessarily mean that your family will respond to it as you might expect.
Sounds to me like you wanted to hear some Words of Affirmation, and your family is not used to expressing themselves that way. This book/website will show you how to figure out what their love languages are and what they are trying to express. This book truly changed how I view ALL my relationships.
Don't think of this as a criticism...think of it as an opportunity for growth. Maybe you have gotten a bit mired in responsibilities and forgotten to smell the roses. If you want to be perceived as more of a 'fun' person, maybe you would also like to just plain have more fun! Start there.
Oh, and BTW, share what you learn with your husband. He is capable of growth also.
IMO, questions like that are better left unasked. Some people are horrible at verbalizing their thoughts about others when they did not initiate the conversation with some thoughts already formed.
Hmmm...I guess others must see me as intimidating?!
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Didn't mean it that mean - just giving the short version
