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Old 12-14-2013, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,139 posts, read 8,666,921 times
Reputation: 6124

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Last night, my husband and I were watching a movie.

After the movie, I asked him to describe me in 3 words (or sentences) - his answer really surprised me and it basically depressed me all night. I expected something like "sensitive, kind, etc" but what I got was "hard working" and after a long pause "loves our dogs".....

I asked our son today what he thought and he said "thoughtful, helps others and works hard" - So, I felt slightly vindicated but it got me thinking.

Relationships are really important to me and I was rather shocked at my husband's first words.

Maybe ask around....
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Old 12-14-2013, 01:09 PM
 
13,143 posts, read 17,697,483 times
Reputation: 19742
"a wagging tail makes me smile" ...
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Old 12-14-2013, 02:54 PM
 
442 posts, read 458,386 times
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Knowing how a lot of men are, he probably didn't really listen to your question.
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Old 12-14-2013, 03:14 PM
Status: "serving a suspended sentence for not being a right winger" (set 6 days ago)
 
Location: Columbia, SC
7,331 posts, read 4,427,737 times
Reputation: 8837
I'm glad my wife doesn't ask me questions that are open ended -- no real right or wrong answer -- but limited and then gets mad when I don't reply the way she expects me to.
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Old 12-14-2013, 03:16 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,525,641 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bette View Post

After the movie, I asked him to describe me in 3 words (or sentences) - his answer really surprised me and it basically depressed me all night. I expected something like "sensitive, kind, etc" but what I got was "hard working" and after a long pause "loves our dogs".....
So what are you going to do to change how he sees you?

Right now, he sees that you work hard and loves the dogs (probably more than him, in his eyes). "A wagging tail makes me smile!" is a tip off to that....
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Old 12-14-2013, 04:13 PM
 
25,953 posts, read 26,706,424 times
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You haven't made it yet until you read about yourself on a wall in a bathroom stall.
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Old 12-14-2013, 04:33 PM
 
1,193 posts, read 1,531,688 times
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Have you considered that some people are simply bad at answering vague, open-ended questions when put on the spot? What comes out of their mouth doesn't necessarily reflect what is in their hearts. I sympathize with your hubby because I'm the same way, and I probably would've come up with something equally stupid as an answer, no matter how genuinely and passionately I truly felt.
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Old 12-14-2013, 05:36 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,139 posts, read 8,666,921 times
Reputation: 6124
Smile I didn't get mad

I got sad inside - because I'm aware I work hard - because I have to - and it has a lot to do with my husband that I have to - but anyway, doing it and all OK - but I want to be known for more than "working hard" - the "loves animals" bit I'm more OK with because there's feeling in there - but to just remembered as a hard worker hurt my feelings (uh, there's that sensitive word!)

So, it caused me to question myself - I guess I just want people to see me differently; like more fun - thoughtful is fine (from my son which is the first word he thought of) but if I were not here, I wouldn't want people just saying "Oh yeah, she was a hard worker" and just be remembered for that.

OK - this was a Hallmark movie (points to my husband for sitting 30 minutes with me watching this) - the character had a Christmas Eve "game" to play where everyone writes a positive comment about each other and then Person A has 4 comments in her cup (she opens them and read them), then Person B (4 comments), etc. He saw this scene - very warm & fuzzy and thoughtful, kind comments. Then, fast forward, same girl is at a different home (her fiancé) and her family (very stiff, wealthy) are just sitting there not knowing what do. She opens her comments there and the one from her fiancé says (she is a multi-millionaire) and then the fiancé explains the "surprise" which is not taken well by the girl.

After that scene, long commercial so I said to my husband - "Wow, look at the differences in the 2 families - he noticed that too - and I said, what would the comments be if I asked you to do such a game?" (That's where the "hard worker" and long pause "loves our animals" come in).

So, I felt let down especially someone I'm very close to and who I consider to be a kind, considerate person and someone who I have a lot in common with.
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Old 12-14-2013, 05:38 PM
 
Location: Missouri
6,047 posts, read 21,620,997 times
Reputation: 5051
Bette, maybe your husband is just not very verbal? Or maybe he was distracted and not really focusing? I would not look too deeply into his response. Honestly asking a question like that, IMO, is just setting yourself up for disappointment.
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Old 12-14-2013, 05:43 PM
 
Location: Northern Illinois
2,187 posts, read 3,602,776 times
Reputation: 6336
He probably thought that was a "safe" answer, but I don't think he was trying to deliberately hurt your feelings. Maybe he didn't understand what you were looking for, but in the future I wouldn't ask a question like that and pin all my hopes on the answer I wanted to hear vs the answer I get. Consider how he treats you, consider that he chose you to marry and have a family with. You're who he comes home to every night and made a life commitment with. How do you really think he feels about you?
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