U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-17-2013, 06:44 AM
 
6,435 posts, read 9,961,521 times
Reputation: 8001

Advertisements

I love how people on this forum come for help and are always judged harshly and vindictively by the respondents in return. Sad and pathetic.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-17-2013, 06:56 AM
 
Location: Mt. Lebanon
1,844 posts, read 1,945,325 times
Reputation: 1899
Dear to me it sounds like you should put your differences aside. Having a sister, means love her unconditionally and she you. Probably both of you should apologize to each other, that try to spen some time just enjoying each other company. You want her well being, but this doesnt mean you have to force her to do what you want and then get upset. if you think your ideas are better and her wrong explain logically to her why, and show her the possible consequences to her actions. If both of you are adults you should be able to discuss about issues in a more rational manner. I know, it's easier said than done.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-17-2013, 08:24 AM
 
15,254 posts, read 16,839,861 times
Reputation: 25432
Life is short. Apologize, give her a hug and move on.

It's fine to set boundaries, such as "please don't call me after 10 p.m. or before 6 a.m." But it sounds like you too love each other, so it's time to make up.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-17-2013, 08:42 AM
 
13,678 posts, read 13,606,695 times
Reputation: 39894
Quote:
Originally Posted by kab0906 View Post
Apologize.

Then distance yourself from her drama. Guess what? You can't fix her. You also can't make decisions for her.

Stop answering the phone in the middle of the night. Set boundaries. She'll probably resent that, too. But she drew this line in the sand, now you have to make her follow it. You'll need to tell her that you choose to love her rather than be 'right' but to continue to love her means you cannot be the one she turns to when things go south because she doesn't want to hear your advice. Then give her the name of a counselor.
Yeah, I think the above is good stuff.

Apologize for being kinda mean (though justifiably so) during your argument. But don't give her anything more than that. It's all about setting boundaries right now.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-17-2013, 10:41 AM
 
912 posts, read 1,250,708 times
Reputation: 2275
Honestly, without more details and history, I'm not sure what to think.

It's possible that she is making horrible life decisions and throwing her life away, but from what I read here, it seems equally possible that she's simply making different decisions than what you think she should make and it's really bothering you. That's no judgment on you, it's just hard to tell from the lack of information in this post.

You both sound like you press each other's "drama" button -- I think sisters have a tendency to do that to each other anyway, but this seems heightened.

First things first, absolutely set boundaries. Set your phone on silent (or turn it off entirely) from 9pm until you're dressed and ready to go in the morning. I do something similar to this, and though I might look at my phone periodically in the evening if time allows, it is not a priority for me and I return any messages the next day.

Next, I think you both owe each other an apology -- her moreso than you, but still, you as well. She is in the wrong for numerous reasons, but telling someone you don't care about them is harsh, regardless of the frustration and situation around it.

The holidays tend to amp up emotions anyway, and I think the best thing to do here is to wait a few more days to let cooler heads prevail. You may be dealing with a version of this throughout your life with her, since my impression is that she's prone to such things -- but try to control your reaction to it. People like this want you to go to their level and cave to their drama. Keeping your responses neutral and non-reactionary is the best thing to do here. Sometimes it makes them crazier, but sometimes it also makes them start to talk like a rational human being.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-17-2013, 11:21 AM
 
2,575 posts, read 4,692,986 times
Reputation: 6378
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post

My sister told me that if I couldn't apologize to her, our relationship would be over. Seriously?
You said YOU told HER never to call you again. Sounds like YOU make the decision to end the relationship when you did that, so why are you so surprised at this?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-17-2013, 01:04 PM
 
249 posts, read 409,352 times
Reputation: 293
IT takes nothing from you to say sorry.
You need to but out of her life, siblings make mistakes, it is not your job to approve or disapprove of her life choices. Your job is to be there for her. It took me and my sister years to get to this point because she had specific ideas on how my life should be. Love her unconditionally and learn to keep your opinion to yourself
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-17-2013, 03:55 PM
 
1,191 posts, read 1,536,635 times
Reputation: 3440
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
To the OP: It seems to me that both you and your sister are drama queens. Go back and re-read the second paragraph of your original post and see if you still think there is nothing to apologize for.
I agree with this. Two people clearly could've behaved better here. The sister sounds needy. OP, what you said was just plain mean. If you don't want to be available in the middle of the night (which is understandable) you turn your phone off.

There is a pattern, OP, in the way you have conflicts with different members of your family. You get very anchored in on an idea that you must be 100% right and then you lash out hurtfully at family members, not seeming to understand why they later feel upset. You did this with your parents and saying you had nothing to be thankful for at Thanksgiving. You did this with your SIL by alienating your brother's adopted sons versus his bio son and ignoring the ramifications of this action. And now, IMHO, you're being too harsh towards your sister in saying hurtful things and refusing to apologize for them. I worry if you keep behaving this way towards people, you will push everyone away...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-17-2013, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
33,325 posts, read 20,124,483 times
Reputation: 13018
Quote:
Originally Posted by allenk893 View Post
I love how people on this forum come for help and are always judged harshly and vindictively by the respondents in return. Sad and pathetic.
Because others like to pretend they are perfect. People like us (me) start threads after threads asking for help (which I did get many great advice) without worrying about being judged harshly. We don't mind sharing vulnerability. Hey, we are not perfect. I will be the first to admit that.

Those perfect people who never start any threads must have perfect life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-17-2013, 04:36 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
33,325 posts, read 20,124,483 times
Reputation: 13018
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
Yeah, I think the above is good stuff.

Apologize for being kinda mean (though justifiably so) during your argument. But don't give her anything more than that. It's all about setting boundaries right now.
Yes, I am going to tell her that I said what I said out of anger. This is it.

I am tired about her keeping on moaning about her troubled life without making any positive changes.

I need to set some boundaries in order to save my own sanity.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top