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Old 12-17-2013, 01:52 AM
 
54 posts, read 103,078 times
Reputation: 60

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I'm quite new here but I've talked about them in some threads.

I work in a tiny firm, only 6 of us and three have different schedule so I have to spend a lot of time with two of my coworkers who are very racist, mean and fake. At the surface everything seems good because they are Queen and King bee and they like to be nice in front of people but then talk bad about everybody and everything, very very two faced. I've tried to ignore it, to not get with them but I feel isolated and alone. I've tried to go with the crowd and buy what they sell and even I was in charge of the birthday present of one of them and she had the nerve to discredited me when the intern pointed I was the one who did everything (i put effort in buying her something she wanted a lot and i was the only one that knew about it). The other guy is one of the meanest person I've met. He likes to be funny and nice in your face, he is very goofy so you can help but like him but then he talk bad about you using horrible words, maybe it is just me but he called a guy he was all laughs the second before "miserable" for no reason, it was unnecesary and that guy has always been nice with all of us.

Aside from this what makes me feel really bad and sick is when they start making racist comments about other races, I'm black and they didn't say anything racist about black people but probably because I was there, and not saying anything when they say racist things about latins or people from Estern Europe is supporting their behaviour and I'm not like that.

Like I've said I've tried to be nice and laugh at their jokes...because when I've said something they don't like they have treated me really bad. It's like they can say whatever they want but you can't and of course don't dare say somethig they don't like, you'll pay for it.

I would like to know what can I do...i feel like I'm betraying myself but I spend a lot of hours here, I'm the junior of the juniors, the one that doesn't have any ties with someone there...and I know it will affect my job because the boss loves them and of course they have a prior relationship with the boss and with each other.

I was thinking about talk to one of them or say somethig about the racist comments because that is something I can't deal with anymore...but on the other side I think who am I to rebuke someone's opinion? Or give them the benefit of the doubt when they haven't said anything about black people.

But then I see them right now all smiles with the coworker they call "troll"...so, I don't really what to do...

Thanks in advance!!
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Old 12-17-2013, 02:23 AM
 
Location: Ouachita Mtns of Arkansas
1,974 posts, read 2,716,271 times
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Ignore and go on about your life.
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Old 12-17-2013, 05:05 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
9,880 posts, read 20,166,115 times
Reputation: 12417
Yep, unfortunately you're stuck if you want to keep your job. You probably can't change anyone by chastising them. You can affect their perspective by holding your head up and letting them learn from your example. Be strong and brave. Be the sort of person they can respect. Once you create a relationship over time, their opinions may change gradually where they see that you are a worthy and valuable human being.

Otherwise they will be angry and resentful of you, even though you are right.

I'm sorry you have to live this way.
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Old 12-17-2013, 05:45 AM
 
10,345 posts, read 9,382,296 times
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Unfortunately working with shallow, two-faced people is not that uncommon. I worked in HR and the manager and her cohort were all sweetness and light to people's faces, then behind closed doors in our meetings they would make fun of those same people and put them down.
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Old 12-17-2013, 10:39 AM
 
54 posts, read 103,078 times
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Thanks to all for the answers... I was talking to soon when I said they didn't make any racist comments about black people...

We have an event and it is about a South American country, the organizer was talking about different height in people from different countries, she said in Africa people can be very tall not like the country we were talking about, and my coworker said... "yeah, you can see "chimps" this height", with chimps standings from "chimpaze"... I left as I heard that... I'm stuck but darn... they know they are untochable and nothing bad will happen to them, it is very frustrating.

They are entitle to their opinion but RESPECT is something they don't know and live great with it with no consequences... it's probably the resume of this story they act like they KNOW they can do WHATEVER they want with no problem.
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Old 12-17-2013, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Georgia
4,562 posts, read 4,096,532 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alcala View Post
We have an event and it is about a South American country, the organizer was talking about different height in people from different countries, she said in Africa people can be very tall not like the country we were talking about, and my coworker said... "yeah, you can see "chimps" this height", with chimps standings from "chimpaze"... I left as I heard that... I'm stuck but darn... they know they are untochable and nothing bad will happen to them, it is very frustrating.
At that point, you are permitted to walk up to the person who made the comment and say, very evenly, "Who, exactly, are you referring to as a "chimp"?" "It's just a joke!" "It's not a very funny one."

Honestly, if I were you, I'd be looking for another job. They aren't going to change, and you will hate yourself for putting up with their crap. Life is too short.
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Old 12-17-2013, 12:04 PM
 
141 posts, read 165,415 times
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Tough spot. I usually respond to things with something like "you never know sometimes" or "I look at people as individuals."

You'll probably never get through to them. I sometimes mention the food of different cultures and that sometimes food from different countries is very good.

Sometimes in Philly there will be mini-riots by black teenagers when school lets out. I'll say "they give the good black kids a bad name."

Like I said, you'll probably never get through to them. The day you quit the job might be the day when you can directly confront them.

Good luck.
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Old 12-17-2013, 12:06 PM
 
47,573 posts, read 60,644,318 times
Reputation: 22283
Either find another job with people you like better or realize you cannot control how others think and just ignore them. Never laugh at what you do not find funny.
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Old 12-17-2013, 12:37 PM
 
7,495 posts, read 9,763,217 times
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Unless I really really like someone as a person for some other reason, which has never happened, I will not deal with racist people.
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Old 12-17-2013, 01:59 PM
 
54 posts, read 103,078 times
Reputation: 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by katie45 View Post
Unfortunately working with shallow, two-faced people is not that uncommon. I worked in HR and the manager and her cohort were all sweetness and light to people's faces, then behind closed doors in our meetings they would make fun of those same people and put them down.
This is exactly my situation. I feel like I'm crazy because I am the only one who seems to see it, nobody notices it but it is pretty obvious. We used to share a space with other firm and the situation is exactly like that, it is like a rule.

I can't find another job. I love the things i do here, what I have to study, it's great for networking, and the boss is a great one. He is a great human being.

Today I realised i have the title of the silly one...and it is probably because of their prejudes. I am quite new -5 months- and I 've been in two areas doing different things and I wont lie I make a lot of mistakes...but my mistakes are read as I'm not intelligent enough or even "slow" but if other makes the same mistakes it is not a big deal. This is my first important job and I'm realizing I didnt portray any image and they are doing it for me. I dont know if it is too late for me here or not.
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