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Old 12-19-2013, 11:14 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,823 posts, read 2,379,342 times
Reputation: 2665

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I've been with my husband for 9 years, and we just got married 3 months ago. People harrassed us about it all of the time & it drove me nuts. I found that once we hit the 7 year mark, people seemed to shut up about it. Then, once we hit 8 years, it started up again hardcore.

Make your own choices, and be happy. There will always be farts out there who judge you no matter what...screw 'em.
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Old 12-19-2013, 11:33 AM
 
4,750 posts, read 3,473,246 times
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Because marriage legal protects you if you split, whereas, if you aren't then you're screwed.

Let's say that on Black Friday you and your bf jumped at the opportunity for a 70-inch priced at $800. You each put up $400, and bam the TV is yours. A year later, you break up… Who gets the TV?

Your options are: (1) One person give it up (2) Sell it, and split the profit

A TV may not mean a lot to you, but I'm talking about everything that you split the cost of. That means, bedroom set, , printer, etc. Sure, you could say, "Oh, we will work it out" but a lot of the time people are so angry with their ex, that they can't compromise (hence why we have divorce court).
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Old 12-19-2013, 11:36 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,201 posts, read 7,833,734 times
Reputation: 53084
If something happened to my husband I don't think I would want to remarry either. His argument for me to marry him was because he wanted to make sure I got his pension and insurance if something happened to him, a very legitimate concern. We were young when we married and now that we are older and set in our ways it would be difficult to start over with some one else. House breaking some old codger stubborn and set in his ways would prove to be an impossible task. It was hard enough the first time. There is something to be said for having your own space.
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Old 12-19-2013, 11:45 AM
 
Location: In the city
1,581 posts, read 3,267,522 times
Reputation: 2357
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinkmani View Post
Because marriage legal protects you if you split, whereas, if you aren't then you're screwed.

Let's say that on Black Friday you and your bf jumped at the opportunity for a 70-inch priced at $800. You each put up $400, and bam the TV is yours. A year later, you break up… Who gets the TV?

Your options are: (1) One person give it up (2) Sell it, and split the profit

A TV may not mean a lot to you, but I'm talking about everything that you split the cost of. That means, bedroom set, , printer, etc. Sure, you could say, "Oh, we will work it out" but a lot of the time people are so angry with their ex, that they can't compromise (hence why we have divorce court).

Here is my response to this scenario:

Partner A wants an $800 TV. Partner A buys the $800 TV. Both watch it.

Partner B decides that he/she needs a new computer, and Partner A says, "yeah, that would be great. I need to use it sometimes if that is okay with you." So Partner B buys the computer. Both use it.

Years later they split up. Partner A takes what he/she bought (the TV), Partner B takes what he/she bought (the computer). And on and on. Each one needs to buy new things when they move out, but they take with them what they purchased during the relationship. No need for protection or intervention because they didn't blend finances or bank accounts.

At least, this is how it works in my life. It might not work for a couple with a huge income disparity where one is doing most of the buying.
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Old 12-19-2013, 12:12 PM
MJ7
 
6,221 posts, read 8,585,517 times
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i dont believe in the concept of marriage either. of course many younger girls are put off by this because they are all shooting for the american dream, but i live my life by my own carving...not one that society deems normal.
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Old 12-19-2013, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Minneapolis 'burbs
295 posts, read 738,897 times
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Oh gosh you should watch Judge Judy! LOL! She's hilarious at unmarried couples and their property disputes!

I have an uncle. He and his (now) wife have been together since oh...1990 maybe?? They got married in 2005. Why did she finally decide to marry him? He'd been in a work accident and during a period of his unconsciousness, some decisions had to be made and who was counseled to make those decisions? My mother. His sister. His only "family member" present.

Yes, there are other legal documents that can protect you but still...these things happen.

My dad's oldest brother? I didn't even KNOW about his first wife! My entire life he was with his "wife" and their 4 biological kids. Spent over 30 years together. He died. Who got his pension and social security? Not the woman he'd spent decades with but the actual wife that he never divorced.

Whatever...right?

My parents have been married 40 years.
My (not yet 40 year old brother) has been married 20 years.

I got married a few years ago and still wonder if marriage is for me (shhhhhh). Very, very often I wonder what it'd be like to live alone. Ahhhhh. We are a "blended family" (I hate that term), and if we should divorce I'd probably never marry again. Not out of bitterness or being jaded...just out of the realization that I like my own space more than I could've known when I had kids at 19 and 21!
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Old 12-19-2013, 01:20 PM
 
Location: In the city
1,581 posts, read 3,267,522 times
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While I certainly understand that property disputes are a pain in the butt, my experience dividing property during a marriage vs. dividing property during an LTR that went south was absolutely the same. The only real difference was that when I divorced, I had to file paperwork, pay fees and talk to a judge about how the property was divided which made life more difficult.

I love my partner, but we already have discussed how things would be split were we to go our own ways.
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Old 12-19-2013, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Mt. Lebanon
1,843 posts, read 1,929,655 times
Reputation: 1899
I see no pb with people being in relationships for many years if and only if they have their own houses.

Case in point: my ex-boyfriend and I have been together for 11 years. Wow! 9 of these years we lived apart, me in my house, him in his. We lived like 5 min from each other so we saw each other a lot, but basically we had our own space.

After 9 years he asked me to move in with him, citing "economical reasons". Big mistake. Since he got a home based business and I had a regular 9-5 job, he did the shopping and cooking and laundry. We discussed this in the beginning who does what and how much I should contribute to the household. Fast forward two years: we broke up for good because he got tired of "being the housewife" and because he wasn't happy with the amonut of money I contributed to the household - which was set by him initially. Also he complained that I didn't get him heath insurance and basically told me I dont need you any more, I got Obama care. Needless to say he never asked me to get him health insurance.

So, my point is, don;t rely on what you "agreed" initially. People can change their minds and you might get into bitter dispute. Unless you marry a person, my advice to you would be, yes, be single and live your life accordingly, but plan for the worse if you do move in with someone and intend to live with that someone. Is there such thing like prenup for people who decide to live together?
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Old 12-19-2013, 01:44 PM
 
223 posts, read 340,327 times
Reputation: 233
I totally get where you are coming from and respect your stance. I would never advocate for someone to get married that didn't want to.

Myself, I do find myself considering marriage to my current boyfriend at times, mostly for the legal simplification (we bought a house and car together, plan to have kids, are obviously committed for the long term, etc).

And there's another reason, that there is no word between "boyfriend" and "husband".

It seems extremely silly to me to have to refer to the man I have been with for years, whom I share a home with, etc. as a "boyfriend". It's the same word I used to describe the kid I was dating for 3 weeks in high school! I know some people use "partner" but where I am people often get confused and think I'm refering to a lesbian partner (nothing wrong with that, it's just awkward).

So part of the reason, silly as it may be, is to gain the term "husband" when I refer to my mate, which conveys the correct "seriousness" of our relationship.

On the other hand, maybe "partner" will take off for both hetero and homo couples and be the best thing to use going forward. I donno.
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Old 12-19-2013, 01:49 PM
 
Location: Outer Space
1,524 posts, read 3,446,983 times
Reputation: 1796
Quote:
Originally Posted by emmiesix View Post
I totally get where you are coming from and respect your stance. I would never advocate for someone to get married that didn't want to.

Myself, I do find myself considering marriage to my current boyfriend at times, mostly for the legal simplification (we bought a house and car together, plan to have kids, are obviously committed for the long term, etc).

And there's another reason, that there is no word between "boyfriend" and "husband".

It seems extremely silly to me to have to refer to the man I have been with for years, whom I share a home with, etc. as a "boyfriend". It's the same word I used to describe the kid I was dating for 3 weeks in high school! I know some people use "partner" but where I am people often get confused and think I'm refering to a lesbian partner (nothing wrong with that, it's just awkward).

So part of the reason, silly as it may be, is to gain the term "husband" when I refer to my mate, which conveys the correct "seriousness" of our relationship.

On the other hand, maybe "partner" will take off for both hetero and homo couples and be the best thing to use going forward. I donno.
Not only you that finds that awkward. Both my siblings were with their spouses for 7-8 years before getting married. Even as a person on the outside of the relationship, you just don't want to refer to them as a boyfriend/girlfriend because that seems so temporary. You see them as part of your family at that point, not just the flavor of the month.
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