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Old 12-19-2013, 01:53 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas, NV
2,761 posts, read 2,358,555 times
Reputation: 4809

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Just something you have to ignore... just nod your head politely in fake agreement... it's something that will continue to be said to you. This ranks up there with those people who get ridiculed for not wanting to have kids.... it just is what it is.
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Old 12-19-2013, 03:38 PM
 
Location: New York City, NY
89 posts, read 136,760 times
Reputation: 165
I totally know how you feel...especially when people ask me personal questions about marriage, or having kids (of which I have no interest in either). I am only twenty, yet people already expect me to think about marriage and children. I've told people quite blatantly this, and they think I am joking or that I am making a terrible mistake. Like others have said...I would rather be happy and alone than miserable and married.

Don't get me wrong...I enjoy and embrace deep relationships, and may even move in with someone and spend the rest of my life with them. Does that mean I have to partake in an outdated ceremony that ties me to a person? Absolutely not.
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Old 12-19-2013, 04:47 PM
 
4,750 posts, read 3,479,606 times
Reputation: 4944
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedasusual View Post
Here is my response to this scenario:

Partner A wants an $800 TV. Partner A buys the $800 TV. Both watch it.

Partner B decides that he/she needs a new computer, and Partner A says, "yeah, that would be great. I need to use it sometimes if that is okay with you." So Partner B buys the computer. Both use it.

Years later they split up. Partner A takes what he/she bought (the TV), Partner B takes what he/she bought (the computer). And on and on. Each one needs to buy new things when they move out, but they take with them what they purchased during the relationship. No need for protection or intervention because they didn't blend finances or bank accounts.

At least, this is how it works in my life. It might not work for a couple with a huge income disparity where one is doing most of the buying.
My scenario was assuming that you both wanted the TV/computer.
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Old 12-19-2013, 05:46 PM
 
Location: In the city
1,581 posts, read 3,272,319 times
Reputation: 2357
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinkmani View Post
My scenario was assuming that you both wanted the TV/computer.
Then someone buys it, and the next big ticket item goes to the other partner to purchase. Again, it doesn't work if one has a lot more capital than the other.
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Old 12-19-2013, 06:32 PM
 
1,745 posts, read 2,125,297 times
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I am single with no children, 32 years old and little worry about whether I'll get married eventually or not. It just really doesn't factor into my life at this point. I am so busy with work and building a career, things which I know are solid... and provide much more protection than a typical marriage would. Yes, I am out for myself. But because I am a woman, this is frowned upon by some. If I was a man, no one would even blink.

It is 2013 and you have to do what is best for you. In my own experience, the only people who ever judged me harshly were married. And appeared to be unhappy. Single people and the happily married have never questioned me once about my decisions. You have to consider the source. Some people out there think we're all a bunch of cattle, programmed to do little more than breed and all head in a straight and linear fashion towards death. That if you veer outside of that program you must obviously have something wrong with you. This is not free choice. I am worth more than this as a woman. My happiness is worth more than what some segments of society deem unacceptable.

I moved away from them into a more tolerant environment. Best decision ever, because if you are going to live a lifestyle it's truly best to have the likeminded around you. Especially when your biological clock starts shutting down, because it will and these same people will try to attack you at your most vulnerable. Even though it is the right thing. Protect yourself, and surround yourself with good people of similiar interests and your happiness will increase exponentially.

I have the luxury of no dependents. No mortgage. No debt. I can date whomever I want. Hell, I can go on seven dates in one week with seven different people if I feel like it. I can eat ice cream in my sweats and not care. Does it get lonely sometimes? Yes. But is it still better for me? Yes. I have learned to expand my support system to a wide network of people. Too many women seem to get trapped by looking for the bulk of their emotional support in their spouse. I have been in relationships like this, and, when they go south, it can be devastating. I am not saying all marriages are like this, but quite a few from what I've seen.

Last edited by EastBoundandDownChick; 12-19-2013 at 06:40 PM..
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Old 12-19-2013, 07:20 PM
 
10,604 posts, read 14,129,393 times
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I had the same boyfriend (as an adult) for ten years and we didn't live together. Nobody ever asked us about marriage. *shrug Maybe it's a regional thing.
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Old 12-19-2013, 07:25 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,486 posts, read 74,383,428 times
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it seems harsh. but 42 million divorces later. a lot of unhappy campers are out there.
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Old 12-19-2013, 07:32 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
32,978 posts, read 19,952,237 times
Reputation: 12880
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedasusual View Post
I was married. I am happily divorced.

I have no plans to remarry. I am in a healthy relationship that has been going on for a few years.

People are always asking "When are you getting married?" I say, "We aren't. We aren't interested in being married."

Somehow this does not compute. The conversation often veers into pity ("You poor thing! You need to find a man who values you enough to marry you!") which I find absurd. Sometimes this comes from colleagues with a different cultural background who can't understand why a woman would not want to be married. Other times it comes from people who are unhappy in their own marriages and yet will advocate for me to enter another marriage anyway.

I am the one making decisions about my life. Period. I have decided not to get married again, no matter what. My partner would be willing to get married if I wanted to, but knows that I feel strongly that I don't want to. We are happy the way things are. But yet, some people can't believe or understand that, even in 2013.

Anyone else have this sort of experience? How do you handle it?
Well, good for you. You shouldn't let others' words affect you so much.

Many of my friends got divorced, and not many of them want to remarry. They are much happier now. Marriage is just not for everybody. and That is okay.

Do whatever making yourself happy, after all, you only live once.

Last edited by lilyflower3191981; 12-19-2013 at 07:46 PM..
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Old 12-19-2013, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Outer Space
1,524 posts, read 3,450,401 times
Reputation: 1796
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
it seems harsh. but 42 million divorces later. a lot of unhappy campers are out there.
That's why I think the whole 'till death do us part' crap is ridiculous. If it goes that long, great, but it isn't realistic for many people anymore. There really should be expiration dates on marriage licenses where you can choose to continue or not after a set number of years. And I'm saying this as a woman who has a very happy marriage that I hope continues so indefinitely.
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Old 12-19-2013, 08:37 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,497,465 times
Reputation: 29030
Quote:
Originally Posted by psurangers11 View Post
Just something you have to ignore... just nod your head politely in fake agreement... it's something that will continue to be said to you. This ranks up there with those people who get ridiculed for not wanting to have kids.... it just is what it is.
Yes, keep in mind that if you DID get married, that would be the next thing these same people would start harping about. "When are you going to have kids?" Because they never look further than their own choices, it never occurs to them that some of us choose not to have them ... often for the kids' own good.
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