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Old 12-21-2013, 01:47 AM
 
Location: SNA=>PDX 2013
2,665 posts, read 3,051,472 times
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I wish I knew. Maybe you can tell me why it's so hard for people to understand that some people don't want kids either.

All it is, is that people believe you should do things in order of what society dictates. Do it out of order, or not and all, and there's something wrong with you.

Stupid, right? I couldn't careless about being married again. I'm obviously a failure at picking husbands. I also don't want children. Pushing 40 and people still expect me to have them.
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Old 12-21-2013, 06:13 AM
 
3,445 posts, read 5,061,934 times
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And here we have the gay community fighting to be legally married. Do they know something that most of tge posters here dont?

Perhaps they do. Marriage provides many legal and financial entitlements for your spouse. The one thing that struck me was an older gay couple wanted to get married. One was a veteran that wanted to be buried in a veterans cemetary. He wanted his partner of decades to be buried with him. The only way that would happen is if they are legally married.

For all those in a commited relationship, why would you not want to provide for your partner the legal and financial benefits if you are so in love?

I would guess that most in a relationship and dont want to get married are either not as commited as they think they are or have been burnt by a prior bad marriage.
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Old 12-21-2013, 06:40 AM
 
Location: In the city
1,581 posts, read 3,283,709 times
Reputation: 2357
Quote:
Originally Posted by 30to66at55 View Post
And here we have the gay community fighting to be legally married. Do they know something that most of tge posters here dont?

Perhaps they do. Marriage provides many legal and financial entitlements for your spouse. The one thing that struck me was an older gay couple wanted to get married. One was a veteran that wanted to be buried in a veterans cemetary. He wanted his partner of decades to be buried with him. The only way that would happen is if they are legally married.

For all those in a commited relationship, why would you not want to provide for your partner the legal and financial benefits if you are so in love?

I would guess that most in a relationship and dont want to get married are either not as commited as they think they are or have been burnt by a prior bad marriage.
This is BS. The "protections" in marriage become obstacles as soon as the marriage goes south. This prevents some very toxic marriages from ending in a timely and appropriate manner. No one wants to give up money or fight over a pension. But yes, if one partner is terminally ill or in ICU, its helpful to be married. After someone is dead and the other wants to be buried in a national cemetery, sure its helpful to be married. But they will both be DEAD so unless you believe that one will haunt the earth if not buried in the right place, its a purely symbolic act.

There is absolutely no difference in "protections" in states that recognize common law marriages as mine does. The level of commitment, always questioned by marrieds ("oh, honey, if he really loved you he would marry you") is typically directed at a woman and questions a man's commitment. In my situation it is exactly the opposite. I am a woman and my partner is a man. Yet certain people have a really hard time believing that I am the one who doesn't want to get married.

Marriage, in my situation, is pointless. Actually I think its really an outdated idea. Quaint. I tried it and its not for me.
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Old 12-21-2013, 07:12 AM
 
Location: Man with a tan hat
799 posts, read 1,318,045 times
Reputation: 1444
Quote:
Originally Posted by 30to66at55 View Post
And here we have the gay community fighting to be legally married. Do they know something that most of tge posters here dont?

Perhaps they do. Marriage provides many legal and financial entitlements for your spouse. The one thing that struck me was an older gay couple wanted to get married. One was a veteran that wanted to be buried in a veterans cemetary. He wanted his partner of decades to be buried with him. The only way that would happen is if they are legally married.

For all those in a commited relationship, why would you not want to provide for your partner the legal and financial benefits if you are so in love?

I would guess that most in a relationship and dont want to get married are either not as commited as they think they are or have been burnt by a prior bad marriage.
Gay man here in a committed LTR. NO DESIRE to get married.

The fight for gay marriage is the fight to be seen as equal, the fight to have the same rights as heterosexual couples. Personally, I think marriage is an institution that has run its course. However, if I am not allowed access to it simply because someone has decided that my choice of partner would deprive me of an entitlement that most of the population has, I will fight for fairness. Its the same as women in combat. If I was a woman (hell, even as a man), I wouldn't want to be in combat, but I would fight for the right of other women who DO want that right. (And thanks to all our vets who WILL go into combat for the rest of us).

We don't generally think marriage is the be-all end-all. At least I don't. And I strongly disagree that the choice to have a licensed marriage has any correlation to the level of personal commitment. Its just a piece of paper. I get really tired of hearing that marriage is a magic bullet for being an adult, showing your partner you really care, proving love. Its none of those things.
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Old 12-21-2013, 09:03 AM
 
793 posts, read 1,288,297 times
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marriage isn't for everybody
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Old 12-21-2013, 10:06 AM
 
7,495 posts, read 9,761,232 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by psichick View Post
I wish I knew. Maybe you can tell me why it's so hard for people to understand that some people don't want kids either.

All it is, is that people believe you should do things in order of what society dictates. Do it out of order, or not and all, and there's something wrong with you.

Stupid, right? I couldn't careless about being married again. I'm obviously a failure at picking husbands. I also don't want children. Pushing 40 and people still expect me to have them.
Isn't that insane? There are people who refuse to accept that I don't want kids. They just don't understand it.
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Old 12-21-2013, 12:27 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,118 posts, read 1,097,350 times
Reputation: 1604
Line from a "Three Stooges" episode: "So, are you married or happy?"
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Old 12-21-2013, 01:09 PM
Status: "Gaining Stability." (set 12 days ago)
 
5,684 posts, read 5,934,902 times
Reputation: 4432
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedasusual View Post
I was married. I am happily divorced.

I have no plans to remarry. I am in a healthy relationship that has been going on for a few years.

People are always asking "When are you getting married?" I say, "We aren't. We aren't interested in being married."

Somehow this does not compute. The conversation often veers into pity ("You poor thing! You need to find a man who values you enough to marry you!") which I find absurd. Sometimes this comes from colleagues with a different cultural background who can't understand why a woman would not want to be married. Other times it comes from people who are unhappy in their own marriages and yet will advocate for me to enter another marriage anyway.

I am the one making decisions about my life. Period. I have decided not to get married again, no matter what. My partner would be willing to get married if I wanted to, but knows that I feel strongly that I don't want to. We are happy the way things are. But yet, some people can't believe or understand that, even in 2013.

Anyone else have this sort of experience? How do you handle it?

I do not blame you. Be happy!
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Old 12-21-2013, 01:12 PM
Status: "Gaining Stability." (set 12 days ago)
 
5,684 posts, read 5,934,902 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Osito View Post
Isn't that insane? There are people who refuse to accept that I don't want kids. They just don't understand it.
Me too. I recently went away and met a couple of really nice people. When I told them I did not have children, they were perplexed.
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Old 12-21-2013, 01:34 PM
 
3,445 posts, read 5,061,934 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Osito View Post
Isn't that insane? There are people who refuse to accept that I don't want kids. They just don't understand it.
And why dont you want kids?
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