Annoyance or Concerned Friend? (person, dysfunctional, messages, issues)

[awayinco]

I’ll try to make this as brief as possible. I’ve been friends with a gentleman for about 10 years now. We fell out of touch due to some personal issues on my behalf, and have been talking again for the past few months. He’s a former military man, very in shape and physically active, but was in a serious accident a couple years ago – broken back, shoulder injuries, fractured hip, torn ligaments in his legs. He was forced to quit the job he loved due to all these issues, and is in a seriously dysfunctional relationship. He’s been hospitalized multiple time due to complications from this accident, and has been told by his doctors that ne heeds to take it easy. I’ve urged him to rest as much as possible, but he still pushes himself too hard in an effort to avoid a fight for “being lazy,” as his other half calls it.

He’s really depressed. I text him a few times a week and we’ll talk on the phone now and then, but I get responses only about 25% of the time. He’s said a few times that some days he wished he hadn’t survived the accident, and I’m the only one of his friends that actually cares enough to keep in touch.

Part of me wants to say forget it and just leave him alone until he wants to contact me, but part of me thinks that if I do, he’ll feel totally abandoned. Would you keep contacting someone you rarely hear from in this situation, or would you just leave it be until they contact you?

[sade693]

I would send the occasional "hey, how are you?" message every now and then, just so that friend knows that there's at least one person out there thinking about them.

[KittenSparkles]

There is a wonderful booklet written about this very topic - you can buy it for $5 - its called "But you LOOK Good" - I think it would give you a lot of insight into your friend and ways to support him.

This is the author's blog with an article about this issue - how to support people who are ill - But They Look So Good - Invisible Disabilities Association - IDA - you can order the booklet from her site.

[awayinco]

sade, that's more or less what I do right now. Every couple of days I'll say "Hey, just thinking about you and hope you're feeling ok" type messages.

And Kitten, thank you so much! I'll certainly have to look into it. This is the first time I've really had to deal with something like this, so that is super helpful.

[purehuman]

I agree with sade too....it's gotta be good for him knowing he has a friend like you..through the thick and thins of life.

[TheShadow]

It sounds like your friend is suffering from depression. Can talk to him about maybe seeing his doctor to talk about his problems?

[awayinco]

TheShadow - He's been seeing a therapist for it for the past month or so at my urging. He's just not really clicking with the therapist so he's looking for another one.

Thanks for the suggestions all.