Emotionally abusive mother. What do I do? (brother, alcoholic, Christmas)

[oregonwoodsmoke]

Originally Posted by P London

............
-Tells me that I'm not doing anything with my life.
............

So, tell me just what you are doing with your life?

My suggestion is that you prepare yourself to be self-supporting. That means an education and some job skills. Learn to take the initiative and to take some responsibility so that you are a desirable employee.

Once you can earn enough salary to support yourself, you can leave home. Once you have your own place, you don't ever have to go and visit your mum again. Cut off all ties.

Maybe your mother is emotionally abusive, maybe she is not, but if my kid whined because he didn't get praised for dusting one shelf, he would find himself on the receiving end of a bit of criticism. My child is a hard worker and is considerate and he does get thanked for what he does for the family, but that one shelf thing would push my buttons and throw me into what he calls "mom mode"

I am aware that some women just are not any good at the mothering function, but your complaints are pretty mild. I suggest that you go and sign up on a web site for adults who were abused as children and hear what real child abuse is about.

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by P London

I'm on college not university for you Americans and I'm doing well I'll be moving out next month because I can't wait to get away from the constant nagging!

Congratulations. Problem solved.


And while your situation doesn't sound pleasant, abusive seems like a rather strong word, and minimizes children who are truly being abused.

[Nema98]

I am not going to read this, its Christmas and I feel bad for you. It is depressing. Just cut ties with your mom.

[Amy1190]

I'm glad I'm not 17 anymore. Very difficult age.

Don't worry about it OP. You'll be out of there soon and in college. Hopefully your relationship will improve once you've moved out. I know distance certainly helped me get along better with my mom.

[CSD610]

In one month you can be away from all of that unless you can leave now.
Then when you are gone just don't contact her, problem solved.

[ventura23]

Originally Posted by P London

I'm 17 years old and to say it bluntly I'm beginning to hate my Mum's guts because as it says in the thread title she's emotionally abusing me. I don't really know if its intentionally or not but I've told her how moaning at me all the time if effecting me to the point of feeling suicidal.

This situation has been going on for years but its only recently I've really started to look into the "emotional abuse"

Checklist

-Emotionally neglects me by ignoring, disregarding and refusal to understand how shes abusing me.

-Always critises what I do mainly regarding chores. For example I'd hoover the stairs but she'd say "you didn't sweep behind the sofa" in an angry voice.

-Never wanting to praise me for doing chores not that I want her to say thank you for everything I do but just a little recognition would go a long way. For example yesterday I wiped down I dirty shelf she saw I did it so she just said "I'm not going to thank you for doing that"

-Seems to prefer my 26 year old brother for reasons that are very obvious, which is because he doesn't challenge her views. While I do in the form of telling her that she over exaggerates when I do "wrong" her constant moaning and self pity.

-Tells me that I'm not doing anything with my life.

-Selfish behaviour for example I cooked dinner the other day for my mum and my brother, the exact next day she made my brother buy a takeaway yet she didn't even say if I wanted anything or give me money to buy my own (which is normally does)

-She ignores as punishment when I catch her out on her wrong doings for example she'd complain about something trivial (related to chores normally) which I actually have no problem but then she'd go on for to long like I killed someone then I'd say stuff she'd done to me to put things into context which is the emotional neglect and getting defensive.

Up to this day, Christmas day! She falls to really understand what shes putting me through.

If you are a person that is not a conformist like your brother, whatever your mother does should not affect you because you are a strong minded person.
Your mother can't help herself, she gets her life from those she can abuse so stop allowing her to get to you. Have compassion because your mother does not know what she is doing. if you forgive her, you will suffer much less. resentment only hurts us while the others go free, so stop resenting her and instead have compassion on her. When Christ was on the cross in terrible pain, he looked down and said, "forgive them father for they know not what they do." I feel sorry for your brother.
Go on with your life with that understanding and nothing can get to you for you will have peace.
Louise

[P London]

I'm currently receiving councilling not for the emotional abuse but for other stuff as well and its quite unfair for my mother to say that in not doing anything with my life bearing in mind that she knows my situation I'm in regarding my social anxiety disorder.

Someone posted that my concerns are mild which I'm sure they are but I know the only thing that matters is how the "cconcerns" are effecting the person and its effecting me badly.

I think abuse does sound a bit to harsh BUT that's what it is abuse doesn't have to be physical...

@ Louise thanks for posting that quote I'm not religious but it makes a lot of sense. And about me being strong minded and not a conformist I just need to have the strength to stay strong.

[Mike from back east]

P London, it's a bummer for sure, but put it behind you and move on.

One thing to be aware of is that very few people will ever say thanks or give you credit for what you do or get right. Be your own cheerleader.

Keep an open mind about your mum and remember what American author Mark Twain once said: "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

[beera]

Join the club honey, many of us have/had crazy mothers. You ignore them, live your life, and don't do anything for them.

[biscuitmom]

Originally Posted by P London

I'm 17 years old and to say it bluntly I'm beginning to hate my Mum's guts

Thank your lucky stars that you are perfectly, absolutely normal in every respect! Rest assured that you'd have cause to worry if you felt any different.
Just hang in there a few more years and the world is your oyster!