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I'm currently receiving councilling not for the emotional abuse but for other stuff as well and its quite unfair for my mother to say that in not doing anything with my life bearing in mind that she knows my situation I'm in regarding my social anxiety disorder.
Someone posted that my concerns are mild which I'm sure they are but I know the only thing that matters is how the "cconcerns" are effecting the person and its effecting me badly.
I think abuse does sound a bit to harsh BUT that's what it is abuse doesn't have to be physical...
It sounds as if you actually expect your mother to care about your issues with the anxiety disorder and adjust her behavior accordingly. Honey, if she cared in the first place, she would not be the mother you know now. You're just letting her get to you by giving her power.
I grew up with abusive parents in a toxic home environment. I left as soon as I could, but I kept looking back for love and approval. I finally realized that I was never going to get it and was able to move on. I learned resiliency, perseverance and self-sufficiency... and I'm better for it. Life can give you the lessons you need to be the best person you possibly can be... if you realize the opportunities. As a Buddhist who chants nam myoho renge kyo, I can resolutely attest to this.
I was able to make my escape and get the most out of counseling. I now have dear friends in my life who are more like family than my family of origin could ever be to me. I've created a happy life... and you can too. Never lose hope that there's a better life ahead.
If you are a person that is not a conformist like your brother, whatever your mother does should not affect you because you are a strong minded person.
Your mother can't help herself, she gets her life from those she can abuse so stop allowing her to get to you. Have compassion because your mother does not know what she is doing. if you forgive her, you will suffer much less. resentment only hurts us while the others go free, so stop resenting her and instead have compassion on her. When Christ was on the cross in terrible pain, he looked down and said, "forgive them father for they know not what they do." I feel sorry for your brother.
Go on with your life with that understanding and nothing can get to you for you will have peace.
Louise
Resentment is the poison we drink hoping the other person will die from it.
I cut off ties with my parents in 1997. I moved out of town, and would not tell them my address or phone number.
My mom had a pager number she could use if she REALLY needed me for something.
That put ME in control, I could choose to return the call or not.
The problem was my father. He was alcoholic and abusive - physically, mentally, verbally, and emotionally.
My mother was powerless to stand up to him, so she was of no help to me at the time.
After my father died, I began rebuilding a relationship with my mom.
I have now lived with her for the past nine years....and when we move to NC next year, I am buying the house, and she will be living with me instead of me living with her.
Now that my father is out of the picture, my mom is much better.
My only complaint with her is that she likes to use the guilt trip. Something her mother was good at, too.
My point is this: Is there someone who is in your mom's life right now who is also abusing her? If so, she could be passing along. You need to get away from the toxic environment for a time. I don't recommend totally cutting the cords, unless it is obvious that she will never change....and that there is no active force in her life right now that could be causing this behavior.
In my case, it was my dad...and after he died, my mom became a much better person.
Trust me, this is not emotional abuse (at least the way you have described it). Sounds like typical mom/teen angst (on both sides). Try being respectful, grateful, and nice and see what happens! Do report back.
I'm on college not university for you Americans and I'm doing well I'll be moving out next month because I can't wait to get away from the constant nagging!
Doing household chores shouldn't require a thank you, every member of the household should do chores. I think you slould move out now, why wait until you turn 18?
How often do you thank and praise your mom for the things she does around the house?
Ugh I parted ways with my mother at 17 - I got tossed out with a suitcase.
I've been on my own ever since and thrived.
A few years later I forgave her and she attempted the same old chit with her new granddaughter and I found the necessary strength to protect her.
I left the country and have never gone back.
Good luck, she sounds like a normal overworked mom to me but only you can judge.
Also she doesn't owe you an explanation for anything and you need to quit "catching her out on her wrongdoings" because that shows you are extremely disrespectful.
She's your mom, you want her love and support, how about showing her some first by shutting your mouth?
OP, first let me say Merry Christmas to you and send you a hug. Well done on the chores!
There are many people who behave like your Mom, OP. Perhaps she has issues in her very own personal life, and is not able to think of you and be considerate of you! Not trying to excuse her for not being supportive of you, but sometimes parents are stretched very thin and just can't manage.
You've got to just hang in there, and ignore your Mom and older brother until you are able to get out of there.
In the meantime I am saying this not to be mean, but you need to toughen up. The world is pretty harsh, and I think you will find a boss who will treat you like that one day without a care in the world to you. You have to be tough and not care that they don't acknowledge you for a job well done, but you as an adult know that you did the job (whatever it is) to the best of your ability, because it is required of you.
Buck up! Continue to go to your therapy sessions. It will get better!
Probably the mom has all the same disorders and anxiety.
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and I'm doing well I'll be moving out next month because I can't wait to get away from the constant nagging!
