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Show him some you tube videos about child support. No male likes to be texed or called on the phone all the time. Ask him if he can put up with that long term? Last but not least if he is a virgin the relationship won't last because it would be like the first item at a buffet. Especially on a college campus.
I know. LOL. I sound like a "no woman is good enough for my son" mom.
I want my son to keep his eyes and mind open instead of been manipulated by this family. I am mad they told my son not to see any other girls so they could stay together in the future. Surprisingly, my son agreed! This girl doesn't study. I felt she is hoping to follow her mom's steps and let the husband make the living alone. I admit I don't know this girl well enough. I just don't like them being so aggressive and selfish.
When I complained to my friends about this matter, they all asked if I've ever talked to him before about how to make girlfriends? I did but it was so little. Now is too late.
After listening to you all, i realize I am worried too early and too much. I have to tell myself to stay out of this and let him find his own path since there is nothing I can do now.
Are his parents supposed to say, "Feel free to cheat on our daughter."? A common worry for a girl (or boy, for that matter) going away to college out of state is that he/she will cheat on the significant other who was left behind. So, I don't have a problem with asking that much at least, though it seems a bit odd coming from her parents and not her.
If this woman is constantly texting him while he's trying to study for an important test, mid-term or a final, or at a weekend party, heck just sitting down & playing cards with the guys in his dorm even, she could end up sinking the relationship herself just through being annoying that way. And, leave it to the guys playing cards with him to joke with/rib your son about the frequency of her texts and how she has him whipped, etc to help him see the light, and not you doing it.
If he's 18 or 19 years old, he still has plenty of time to change his mind & find other women. But, as people above me have said, make sure he uses a condom when he's home from school and out with this girl... while I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, it can't hurt to be safe.
Just remind him he is YOUNG and most people do not marry their HS sweetheart. Sounds like he is at an ivy league school (or similar) and her parents have $$ and success eyeballed for their daughter. Is she even in college? I dislike all that texting but it is so common now with these kids. You could also talk to him about it being "ok" to ignore when she is too needy. Tell her he has to STUDY and he needs to have a social life and make friends at his college. And I agree about educating him at home about responsibilities of marriage, waiting to have kids until one is financially established in a good career, etc. Also, schedule lots of family time for the break or tell him to go out with his friends and relax at home; spend some but not all his time with her.
I would worry too....but it will probably work out. Just try to be patient. Someone is right there are worse things...her parents sound like they may be worse than the girlfriend.
I need advices and support. My college freshman son has a girlfriend for over six months. My son goes to a decent out-of-state college. His girlfriend is in my local but has non-stop texting my son even he is in 4000 miles away. My son is very gentle, smart and sincere, plus he goes to one of the top universities in the nation. His girlfriend's family is treating my son as their investment, and they made my son agree not to see/make other girls at school so they could stay together in the future. Her parents told my son they were high school sweethearts so all those efforts are workable and possible to achieve.
I am not a jealous mom. I just want my son to keep his eyes and mind open. But I have been warned by my friends do not get involved or criticize his girlfriend and her family; otherwise will push him toward that family further. That girl and her family have non-stop texting or calling my son when he is back home for holidays, with all kinds of excuses and offers to make my son goes to their family.
What should i do? What could I tell my son but not making him being defensive?
Don't worry. You can't go away to college and stay invested in what you left behind in your hometown. I mean, you can; it does happen. But more often than not college opens your eyes to bigger and better things and you grow and what you had in high school/hometown isn't what you want anymore. Your son only has one semester of college so far. A year from now I'm thinking head is going to be in a different place, or moving in a different place, than that girlfriend back home. Not necessarily because he's found another girl, but just because he is seeing a whole new world on the horizon.
The main thing would be what someone else said - make sure he knows about birth control and she doesn't get pregnant. Other than that keep your opinions to yourself about the girl and her family and let it work itself out. Your friend is right; if you badmouth her or show dislike for her or her family that is going to push him more toward her. Instead, I'd encourage him to get involved in things at college. That is what is going to pull him away from her.
I don't think you sound like a mom who thinks no one is good enough for her son. I'd resent someone acting like my son was their investment too. I'd feel the same way if someone acted like my daughter was their meal ticket too.
When my son went to college, as part of the stuff he needed (soap, toothbrush, etc) I put a package of condoms in his suitcase. He found them and gave the speech about how he knew... I gave him the speech about diseases and that girls can lie about birth control. If a girl wants to get married, the best way to trap a guy is through pregnancy.
Now I am not saying all girls, but my son has dated a few that I knew wanted more than he did. We always have kept the lines of communication open about birth control and such.
Please talk to your son about protecting himself from diseases.
Also, I will go against the general opinion and say that you should have a casual conversation about dating and not limiting himself to one relationship. You should let him know that this is his time to learn how to live on his own, to know that there are other relationships to be formed and not to limit his possibilities. All to soon it will be over, and he will be working and living a full adult life.
Question: Is your son's girlfriend also in college? If not, your problem maysolve itself by the time he has graduated. He will have left her "behind" both intellectually and socially, and will probably end up with someone more similar to himself.
Although, almost every woman that I know work, the very few that did not, or didn't when their children were young had the same education as the man that they married. Perhaps, some only had a Bachelor's degree when the husband had a law degree or something similar but I can not even think of one person that I know who had a college degree, or master's degree, or law degree that married someone with only a high school diploma. Maybe it does happen but not to anyone that I know.
It isn't like the "mystical past" or fictional romance stories where college educated men married their high school sweetheart and she stayed home and kept the house neat and made all of the meals while he earned 100% of their family income.
I love this forum!!! You all are so knowledgeable and positive! I am 50-year-old, but I am not aware of other sexual transferable diseases other than HIV and herpes. What a shame! I am not yet comfortable talking to him about sex yet (never being a topic in our family) since his high school had this talk already. I will secretly pack a box of condoms in his luggage when he returns to school next week. I am praying he won't make stupid mistakes before he leaves.
its easier for fathers to talk to their sons about this.. well, it should be..
i put trojans in his christmas stocking.... he's in college- and then told him to make sure he wears those raincoats.... every-time,,,
The reason people do not use condoms is because sex is significant less pleasureful when using a condom. If that wasn't the case, why would anyone not trying to conceive, ever not use a condom? Obviously a person's awareness of that depends if they have ever had sex without a condom (hint: most of my responsible college aged friends used condoms for a month or two and then went off, as long as the girl was on b/c, once they had developed a level of trust regarding b/c usage and STDs. Irresponsible ones never used them.)
Condoms can be had for free in a variety of ways and cost is minimal regardless. My point being that supplying condoms is only a very small part of the equation of getting them used.
If you're going to supply condoms, at least give them Trojan Bareskin. The difference between good condoms and bad ones is monumental. Trojan Bareskins are at least tolerable. You can research good vs bad condoms via Amazon reviews.
His girlfriend's family is treating my son as their investment, and they made my son agree not to see/make other girls at school so they could stay together in the future. Her parents told my son they were high school sweethearts so all those efforts are workable and possible to achieve.
I'm not seeing a problem with this. If the relationship between them was serious enough that the family treats your son as an investment, then so be it. He should not be dating other girls if he's in a long-distance relationship. Should they want him to cheat on their daughter?
Is there more to this story? There doesn't seem to be any reason to hate them.
I'd mention it at least once so he knows it's a possibility they're only using him. 18 and freshly in college... I remember how naive kids can still be.
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