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Has been a long time for me but do recall when in HS a friend dated the same girl for 3-1/2 yrs and they wanted to get married after HS Graduation. Her parents had her enroll in a College on the east coast (away from Calif).
She left for school in Sept and by Dec was engaged to a guy she met at school....so much for the 3-1/2 yr commitment.
Question: Is your son's girlfriend also in college? If not, your problem may solve itself by the time he has graduated. He will have left her "behind" both intellectually and socially, and will probably end up with someone more similar to himself.
Yes, this is probably the way it will end as he will need someone on his educational level. How many wives have put their husband's through college only get dumped once he has his degree?
Soon, they will have nothing in common so please have a good talk with him so, as many others have said, he doesn't get stuck with child support and all the heartache that goes with that. Maybe share with him what things drew you to his dad and the qualities needed to keep a relationship strong when life gets tough. Being equals in a relationship will not happen if the gf doesn't have an education and life goals in common.
Try to keep him talking about his furture plans and goals for his life (too bad if she isn't included).
Question: Is your son's girlfriend also in college? If not, your problem may solve itself by the time he has graduated. He will have left her "behind" both intellectually and socially, and will probably end up with someone more similar to himself.
Thank you for the encouragement! . She is one year younger. She doesn't study, and now is the time of applying to colledges. I understand degree doesn't equal to success. But the way she handles her school work, I feel she must be lazy.
Distant relationship normally don't last. if this one does or it doesn't; nothing you can do he is a adult. You have to rely on his up bring ;plain and simple.Stay of it unless he brings it up because you possibility could be the big losers .
I'm not seeing a problem with this. If the relationship between them was serious enough that the family treats your son as an investment, then so be it. He should not be dating other girls if he's in a long-distance relationship. Should they want him to cheat on their daughter?
Is there more to this story? There doesn't seem to be any reason to hate them.
My son is 18, their daughter is 17. Asked my son not to see other girls in this age, after they have dated for 8 months only? Really?!
Yeah, I know this family through sports club before they started dating. I witnessed the mom how she dealt with issues - destroyed others to reach her goals. That's why I hate this family.
Yes, this is probably the way it will end as he will need someone on his educational level. How many wives have put their husband's through college only get dumped once he has his degree?
Soon, they will have nothing in common so please have a good talk with him so, as many others have said, he doesn't get stuck with child support and all the heartache that goes with that. Maybe share with him what things drew you to his dad and the qualities needed to keep a relationship strong when life gets tough. Being equals in a relationship will not happen if the gf doesn't have an education and life goals in common.
Try to keep him talking about his furture plans and goals for his life (too bad if she isn't included).
Thank you Heidi! That's what I am praying for - physical and education distance. I have being thinking very hard in what kind of circumstances I could bring up the child support issues without making him being defensive.
I will readdress to him how important the grades and degree are. My son is a good student. Saying this to him shouldn't be too "suspicious" but serves as a wake up call to him. LOL
My son is 18, their daughter is 17. Asked my son not to see other girls in this age, after they have dated for 8 months only? Really?!
Yeah, I know this family through sports club before they started dating. I witnessed the mom how she dealt with issues - destroyed others to reach her goals. That's why I hate this family.
I think you just need to find some quiet time and express some of your concerns. Not in a way that condems the girl -- but just quietly and calmly tell your son that you are a bit concerned that they're being too pushy and controlling and remind him how some times guys can get trapped.
The good thing -- the girl's parents do view him as a good catch, he's a guy with a future -- so you almost can't blame them for wanting to keep him around - that's a compliment in a way to him. So it's not exactly bad, but he just needs to be careful. The fact that the parents see him as a keeper, could put pressure on their daughter to do what it takes to keep him - so that is a concern.
Sometimes the best approach is to ask your child what they think about a situation. Open up the discussion by asking him what he thinks of this and that, if he's at all concerned.... and go from there. You can give your opinions as opinions. That you're a bit worried they might be pressuring him a bit too much.
Or you can ask him how he feels about being away at college with a girlfriend who is still in town, or if he feels tied down by this. Or ask him how he feels about the approach the girl's parents are taking.
I need advices and support. My college freshman son has a girlfriend for over six months. My son goes to a decent out-of-state college. His girlfriend is in my local but has non-stop texting my son even he is in 4000 miles away. My son is very gentle, smart and sincere, plus he goes to one of the top universities in the nation. His girlfriend's family is treating my son as their investment, and they made my son agree not to see/make other girls at school so they could stay together in the future. Her parents told my son they were high school sweethearts so all those efforts are workable and possible to achieve.
I am not a jealous mom. I just want my son to keep his eyes and mind open. But I have been warned by my friends do not get involved or criticize his girlfriend and her family; otherwise will push him toward that family further. That girl and her family have non-stop texting or calling my son when he is back home for holidays, with all kinds of excuses and offers to make my son goes to their family.
What should i do? What could I tell my son but not making him being defensive?
ok your son is in college,,, across the country,,
he's 18, going to college, a new life, college has a buffet of very pretty girls- and he eventually, will be going to some parties ,,, i believe this scenerio has played out millions of times- high school sweethearts with good intentions, and once college starts, its a new world, doesnt last..
if i were in your shoes,, just ask him if he's getting attention from other girls.. this gently opens the door.
tell him you are proud of him,,, he has become a respectable man,, but not all people in this world have honorable motives, because you are older, and have seen much deceit and chaos in this world, you will play devils advocate at times,,,not thinking the worst,,,but throwing out what consequences in life.. what could happen
you will always be his mother and want to protect him,,he cant fault you for that...
i really dont think you have to say or do much, time is on your side- encourage him,,,to join clubs,,,do co-ed activities, go to parties, dances,,
he will be meeting some awesome girls there...
you can slightly play down their present relationship-calling it "high school sweethearts" or like my parents said-puppy love
focus on the NEW life aspect, NEW changes and challenges, support him trying new things,,not living in the past
tell him his whole world is in front of him,,,,look thru the NEW windshield of life,,,not thru the rearview mirror
and when he comes home, she will be on him like a blanket- instead of him coming home on breaks, do you have the means to fly out there?
the flipside to this scenario,,,this girl may be getting tired of waiting,,and getting attention from other guys.. again,,this has played out a million times, high school sweethearts dont usually last..
and if you are afraid she may "trap" him by getting pregnant, you go visit him,, if possible
Last edited by mainebrokerman; 12-28-2013 at 03:40 AM..
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. She is one year younger. She doesn't study, and now is the time of applying to colledges. I understand degree doesn't equal to success. But the way she handles her school work, I feel she must be lazy.
