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You will always be your son's Mom, but talk to him as if he were your best friend. Talk about something that he can relate to such as incident within the family and how much you admired certain qualities that his Dad displayed at that time. It is a very long time between trips to the bedroom so the qualities one brings into the relationship are what you need to point out to him. He will be able to put it together that the girl, or any girl, has qualities needed to be a sustaining life partner. After all, this girl will pass but he needs to be smart in the future also as there are many more like her out there.
Although I'm not a huge Dr. Phil fan, he has a new book out (something about the new rules of life) which might a good read on the trip back to college. I skimmed through it and it has many good thoughts about what characteristics to watch out for and avoid. Sorry, I just recall the exact title at the moment but was published this year as I recall.
Also, I am getting a little saddened about some of the terminology. Please don't hate the girl as she and her family are doing the best they can...you just don't want to have your son participate with their problems. Your instincts are probably correct, but the more say the hate word, the more you will hate her. You are a very caring person so change your language and your thoughts will follow. Today, the girl has no future so she will reap plenty in the years to come, there is nothing to hate.
If the girl is feeling insecure, she may very well get pregnant to anchor him to her. If nothing else, he needs to assume all responsibility for birth control. It's unfortunate that his father is out of the picture. Is there an uncle or family friend who could explain the REAL facts of life to him?
I have never thought about pregnancy until joining this forum. Which means I haven't discussed this possibility with his dad yet. I will take the chance of letting him call me over reacting but I have to address this concern to him. You are right ! This is really a man to man talk.
Awwww, proof of what I always say to those parents who think its soooo hard raising a little kid. I've laughed when moms say they cant wait till their kids are out of their terrible 2's, or school age, because then parenting will get easier.
I don't think parenting was hard UNTIL they turned 18, that's when it got really scary. Well, 16 when they got a drivers license was truly when it started. OP, I have not only detested girls my two sons have dated, but one that became my dil. Thank gawd she's gone.
All we can do is give advice when asked (which isn't often) and pray and wait it out. I get it, because I wouldn't have wanted my parents picking my dates apart, or putting down who I loved. Why does it seem we had better taste than our kids? j/k
Good luck and congrats on raising such a nice young man that's going places.
You will always be your son's Mom, but talk to him as if he were your best friend. Talk about something that he can relate to such as incident within the family and how much you admired certain qualities that his Dad displayed at that time. It is a very long time between trips to the bedroom so the qualities one brings into the relationship are what you need to point out to him. He will be able to put it together that the girl, or any girl, has qualities needed to be a sustaining life partner. After all, this girl will pass but he needs to be smart in the future also as there are many more like her out there.
Although I'm not a huge Dr. Phil fan, he has a new book out (something about the new rules of life) which might a good read on the trip back to college. I skimmed through it and it has many good thoughts about what characteristics to watch out for and avoid. Sorry, I just recall the exact title at the moment but was published this year as I recall.
Also, I am getting a little saddened about some of the terminology. Please don't hate the girl as she and her family are doing the best they can...you just don't want to have your son participate with their problems. Your instincts are probably correct, but the more say the hate word, the more you will hate her. You are a very caring person so change your language and your thoughts will follow. Today, the girl has no future so she will reap plenty in the years to come, there is nothing to hate.
Thank you for the very valuable advice! I will adjust my thinking and don't let that strong word stuck in my mind. I am going to check out that book today. It would be a good book to read on the flight back to school. Thanks again!
I have an 18 yr. old heroine OD and a 25 yr. old hit by a train in a drunk driving accident. Things could be worse then dealing with a girlfriend you don't like. How do you teach them to think?
I am so sorry Animalcrazy. You sure put small worries in perspective for a lot of parents reading here. Thank you. You lived my worst nightmare, I admire you for staying strong. {{{hugs}}}
Awwww, proof of what I always say to those parents who think its soooo hard raising a little kid. I've laughed when moms say they cant wait till their kids are out of their terrible 2's, or school age, because then parenting will get easier.
I don't think parenting was hard UNTIL they turned 18, that's when it got really scary. Well, 16 when they got a drivers license was truly when it started. OP, I have not only detested girls my two sons have dated, but one that became my dil. Thank gawd she's gone.
All we can do is give advice when asked (which isn't often) and pray and wait it out. I get it, because I wouldn't have wanted my parents picking my dates apart, or putting down who I loved. Why does it seem we had better taste than our kids? j/k
Good luck and congrats on raising such a nice young man that's going places.
You really made me smile. Yeah, I always think I have better taste than my kids LOL. For this time, I think I'd better remain silent. I have told my kids they are like a kite. I wish they flight high. But I am here always for them, and they can always find the way back.
Yes, things got scary when kids turn 16. Turn worse when they became 18 since the society treats them as adults. We don't have any access to what they are doing. I can only pray what I've taught them start serving. I regret I miss doing things quite a bit. Now like you said, waiting for them come to me for advices. And, I had better be ready when the time comes.
I think that is a misconception (ha ha) (that all schools have a comprehensive sex educationcurriculum). In my kids' HS there were only two classes that briefly had lessons about sex and contraceptives/condoms/etc and both were elective classes. Of course, biology is a required subject but, in my school district, nothing is discussed about contraception during biology class.
They do have the Girls Menstruate and Boys Have Wet Dreams videos in 4th or 5th grade but those do not discuss sex or contraception.
So do not assume that they have been taught sex education in school. Now, gossip and wronginformation in the locker room and the cafeteria from fellow teens is a different matter.
Adults would be shocked to learn how many teens truly believe that you can not get pregnant the first time that you have sex, or if you have sex standing up, or douche with soda afterwards and other utterly ridiculous "facts" told to them by other teenagers. I personally know a set of teenage parents who believed the "you can't get pregnant if you have sex standing up myth."
I also have a female coworker who was a virgin her freshman year of college and went to a party with a college buddy (they were not even dating) who was also a virgin. Long story made short, they both drank the highly spiked punch, semi-passed out back at the dorms and ended up very, very reluctant and surprised parents to be . According to my friend, neither of them even remember walking back to the dorms, and certainly do not remember getting into bed and having sex together.
Not to get the OP even more nervous than she already is, but those things happen, you can't just put your head in the sand and pretend that everything will work out fine.
Last edited by germaine2626; 12-28-2013 at 01:27 PM..
Reason: added sentence in blue
My son is 18, their daughter is 17. Asked my son not to see other girls in this age, after they have dated for 8 months only? Really?!
Yeah, I know this family through sports club before they started dating. I witnessed the mom how she dealt with issues - destroyed others to reach her goals. That's why I hate this family.
Still not seeing the problem, and I just got out of that age range. It's normal not to be seeing other people at the same time.
Also: your beef is with the mom then, not with the daughter. It's unfair to believe that the daughter is the same way if she is not.
Edit -- It would be different if they said "no, you cannot break up" instead of "no, don't see other girls."
I need advices and support. My college freshman son has a girlfriend for over six months. My son goes to a decent out-of-state college. His girlfriend is in my local but has non-stop texting my son even he is in 4000 miles away. My son is very gentle, smart and sincere, plus he goes to one of the top universities in the nation. His girlfriend's family is treating my son as their investment, and they made my son agree not to see/make other girls at school so they could stay together in the future. Her parents told my son they were high school sweethearts so all those efforts are workable and possible to achieve.
I am not a jealous mom. I just want my son to keep his eyes and mind open. But I have been warned by my friends do not get involved or criticize his girlfriend and her family; otherwise will push him toward that family further. That girl and her family have non-stop texting or calling my son when he is back home for holidays, with all kinds of excuses and offers to make my son goes to their family.
What should i do? What could I tell my son but not making him being defensive?
What are you doing, raising a son, that other people can "make" do anything. Did you not raise your son to think for himself? Or did you think that you raised your son to allow you to think for him? Might be.
His girlfriend, her family, you ... cannot MAKE him do anything. He chooses to do whatever he does. You might want to learn to be a little less controlling and a little more accepting, or his choice in the future might be to not have anything to do with you.
My son is very gentle, smart and sincere, plus he goes to one of the top universities in the nation. His girlfriend's family is treating my son as their investment, and they made my son agree not to see/make other girls at school so they could stay together in the future. Her parents told my son they were high school sweethearts so all those efforts are workable and possible to achieve.
They did not make the 18 year old man do anything ... he makes his own choice to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ns217
That girl and her family have non-stop texting or calling my son when he is back home for holidays, with all kinds of excuses and offers to make my son goes to their family.
Again they can make him do nothing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ns217
What should i do? What could I tell my son but not making him being defensive?
Leave him alone ... he is an 18 year old man, and not a childish hid mommy's boy.
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I've laughed when moms say they cant wait till their kids are out of their terrible 2's, or school age, because then parenting will get easier. 
Thank gawd she's gone. 
j/k 
