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Hmmmm, they may say they have 'disowned' you, but it sounds more like a childish threat than an actual "we contacted the lawyer and changed our will" event.
They will think twice about 'disowning' as soon as they need you for something. They'll call.
In your place I would probably just pretend I didn't hear this 'rumor' and proceed normally. Mom clearly said this to other family members with the intention of it getting back to you so she could avoid confrontation. Don't let her get away with being passive aggressive.
Remind her that the money was for her grandson's college expenses and make it about his needs instead of yours or your parents.
Something tells me, with Grandma's apparent gambling addiction, there will be no need for a will. Grandpa will work himself into an early grave and Grandma will immediately turn to the kids for further enabling. Being "disowned" now may be a godsend.
I feel that parents owe their child the possibility of college, if they have it to give. Your son is the one you should most be worried about. His education, and the ability to obtain a degree without crippling student loan debt trumps Grandma's gambling hobby. What a selfish, selfish excuse for a grandmother.
so not true. Having a child does not incur debt on the child's part.
It's not even about debt or money. It's about gratitude and love so you dont seem like a selfish brat who cant even appreciate that they could have aborted you. But since they cared for you enough to get you this far, how about some reciprocation that doesnt care about cash??
It's not even about debt or money. It's about gratitude and love so you dont seem like a selfish brat who cant even appreciate that they could have aborted you. But since they cared for you enough to get you this far, how about some reciprocation that doesnt care about cash??
Bullshyt!!! This was a LOAN....and it is from their GRANDCHILD'S COLLEGE FUND...and that makes this all the different!
If we were NOT talking about a selfish biatch of a grandmother dropping a load at the casino EVERY WEEK...that should instead be going to pay back money she borrowed FROM HER GRANDCHILD'S COLLEGE FUND....you might have a point. But there is NO EXCUSE for this sick, sorry, addicted woman.
I would not even BOTHER to worry about getting disowned by her...I'd consider it a blessing, and I'd wonder why the OP didn't beat her mother to the disowning thing...I sure as hell would have!
Today I've been told my mother has announced to our family she has disowned me. The reason: I asked my parents to begin paying back a $5,000. Loan I gave them over 6 years ago from my sons college fund. I asked for a meeting to discuss paying $5.00-$20.00 per week. My father is 68 and works over 50 hours per week, my mother doesn't work but goes to the casino weekly. I am so distraught that I am only worth that amount to her that she would rather walk away than discuss it. I also paid over several thousand dollars in bills for them and took them on an all-paid cruise 3 years ago, that she has suddenly forgotten. This is tearing apart our family.
Any advice
There's no way she disowned you over $5000. There has to be more to this story.
There's no way she disowned you over $5000. There has to be more to this story.
[tell us more]
No, it could be as simple as that. Some families are very dysfunctional.
I come from such a family. and, before the good relationship I now enjoy with my mother...my father disinherited me, all but for one dollar, and wrote the will such that it could not be contested...AND made my brother the executor of the will.
My father was an alcoholic, abusive son of a biatch, and I am glad he is dead.
Since then, my mother changed the will back. But my father did it just to be an a-hole.
You wanna know WHY my dad cut me out? It has to do with my moving out at age 23.
We got into a fight. For the umpeenth time, he kicked me out. And I knew from experience, that if I got down on my knees and begged his GOD ALMIGHTY FORGIVENESS for whatever real or imagined transgression I had committed, I would be forgiven and allowed to stay.
I DECIDED JUST THAT ONCE I WASN'T EFFING GONNA DO IT!!
I moved out. And he cut me off.
He was a control freak who wanted to have some way to keep me under his thumb...and when he realized I would no longer be treated in that way, he cut me off.
This sounds similar to what I can gather of the OP's family dynamics. What we have here is a sick, twisted addicted mother, who wants to have control over the OP, and the OP is having no more of it...and so the OP's mother is trying to play her one last card to try and make the OP crawl back and subject herself, once again....to the control of the control freak.
My best advice to the OP is don't let her do it to you!
Given the situation I think the OP has to realize she lost her mother to a gambling addiction. The OP should go away and stay away. Instead of wasting emotional energy on her mother she should pay attention to her husband and her children.
Given the situation I think the OP has to realize she lost her mother to a gambling addiction. The OP should go away and stay away. Instead of wasting emotional energy on her mother she should pay attention to her husband and her children.
Exactly.
As I did with my father.
I moved out...was close by, dad kept bothering me. When I unplugged my answering machine, he started calling my landlady and my boss trying to get at me.
When I moved to Kentucky, I had a golden opportunity to break free and I took it.
He only knew I was in Louisville...and living with someone, he did not know the name. He had no address, no phone number. My mother had a pager number she could use to contact me if she needed to - and that put ME in control, because I could choose to return the call or not.
I tried as best I could, to maintain a relationship with my mother, but it was not easy. Finally, after my dad finally died, I could have a relationship with my mom. At that time, she was given my address and phone number in Kentucky. I later moved on to Texas....and now back in PA.
Glean what you can out of my posts, OP, but I am telling you exactly how you go about breaking free from an abusive and addicted parent.
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