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Old 12-28-2013, 06:48 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,023,037 times
Reputation: 22370

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Quote:
Originally Posted by luzianne View Post
Considering their ages, I'd just consider it a gift and forget it. Better that than to further damage the relationship. You may not have them for that much longer and when that happens, you are going to feel bad when you look back that you made a big deal out of something so petty. I know it's $5000, but it's not worth killing the relationship. You are right. You loaned them the money and they should pay it back. But do you want to demand it back and not have a relationship with your parents? I would graciously forgive the debt and not mention it again if it were me. If your dad is 68 and is still working, I'm guessing they don't have money to spare. And you said you wanted to discuss paying $5 to $20 a week. It sounds like you just want them to pay SOMETHING to make the point that they still owe you. What good does that amount do?

If they were 20 years younger that would be different. But 68 and still working? I'm guessing they can't afford to retire yet and he is still working because he has to.
Totally understand where you are coming from on what you said (and it was rational and measured and wise) . . . but here is the thing . . . it is not like OP said SHE was going to excommunicate her parents from her life . . .her mother announced to everyone during the Christmas holidays (and I guess, when everyone but OP was in the room) . . . that she was going to disown OP.

So it was MOMMA'S outrageous decision to "disown" the very person who had stepped in and bailed her out -- her daughter.

To me, that puts things on a different level (even though I agree with your thoughts, Luzianne).
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Old 12-28-2013, 08:07 AM
 
26,323 posts, read 24,422,016 times
Reputation: 16002
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabiya View Post
Considering how much money THEY spent on you from the time you were born to now..... you infact owe THEM instead of them owing you.
no, he doesn't owe them anything, he didn't choose to be born to them, they chose to have him, that is the most ridiculous concept I have ever heard, and a very selfish one at that...you don't have children so that they take care of you when they are older.
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Old 12-28-2013, 08:11 AM
 
26,323 posts, read 24,422,016 times
Reputation: 16002
My mother always taught me, if you ever borrow money from anyone, you pay it back in full, period. You never take money without trying to pay it back and if you can't afford it, you give them as much as you can afford a week, so they see you are making an attempt to pay them back.

I know people who would literally take, take take, and regardless of who it is, if someone dug into their savings, especially their child's college fund, they need to be paid back. these days people are to quick to take and not give back.

If she bets her money away, she can easily afford a few dollars a week to pay him back and if she hits any money she should be giving it to her son.

My kids oft times say, they want me to come and live with them, but I decline, a parent doesn't need to be living with their kids, and if I did, I would help them as much as possible paying my share of rent, food, etc.
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Old 12-28-2013, 09:05 AM
 
Location: Bay Area, Calif.
2,435 posts, read 2,834,004 times
Reputation: 2581
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kalisiin View Post
Bullshyt!!! This was a LOAN....and it is from their GRANDCHILD'S COLLEGE FUND...and that makes this all the different!

If we were NOT talking about a selfish biatch of a grandmother dropping a load at the casino EVERY WEEK...that should instead be going to pay back money she borrowed FROM HER GRANDCHILD'S COLLEGE FUND....you might have a point. But there is NO EXCUSE for this sick, sorry, addicted woman.

I would not even BOTHER to worry about getting disowned by her...I'd consider it a blessing, and I'd wonder why the OP didn't beat her mother to the disowning thing...I sure as hell would have!
Thanks for validating my point, but a tad volatile. Try a laxitive?
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Old 12-28-2013, 09:10 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,209,043 times
Reputation: 42502
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabiya View Post
Considering how much money THEY spent on you from the time you were born to now..... you infact owe THEM instead of them owing you.
Sounds like someone living off her kids.
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Old 12-28-2013, 10:12 AM
 
47,576 posts, read 60,490,480 times
Reputation: 22275
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
My mother always taught me, if you ever borrow money from anyone, you pay it back in full, period. You never take money without trying to pay it back and if you can't afford it, you give them as much as you can afford a week, so they see you are making an attempt to pay them back.

I know people who would literally take, take take, and regardless of who it is, if someone dug into their savings, especially their child's college fund, they need to be paid back. these days people are to quick to take and not give back.

If she bets her money away, she can easily afford a few dollars a week to pay him back and if she hits any money she should be giving it to her son.

My kids oft times say, they want me to come and live with them, but I decline, a parent doesn't need to be living with their kids, and if I did, I would help them as much as possible paying my share of rent, food, etc.
I have a feeling that the OP's mother isn't at all like yours.

You can bet that when she goes to the casino, she's got some intention of winning and maybe paying everyone back. It's an addiction. She really can't control it, probably needs help but won't seek it.

I knew a girl whose family was living off welfare but her mother gambled. The mother had a live in lover who had a good income but she and the kids got welfare. She was going to use some money to get food for Christmas and some gifts for her kids but it wasn't a lot of money. She was sure she could win this time at the casino and give a really nice Christmas this time --- but alas -- she lost every dime -- so no food, no presents for her kids. The lover was a drinker and also gambler, didn't care about the kids and he kept his money for himself.
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Old 12-28-2013, 10:17 AM
 
25 posts, read 102,855 times
Reputation: 38
Never loan what you cannot afford to lose.
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Old 12-28-2013, 10:36 AM
 
Location: Long Neck,De
4,792 posts, read 6,766,762 times
Reputation: 4768
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnityJAX View Post
My guess is that in her mind a loan that went uncollected for 6 years became a gift in her mind and now she is more offended and hurt that you asked. You have ever right to ask for the money back but you also have the right and opportunity to forgive the loan. I was always taught to never loan more than you can afford to giveaway.
The money was from her son's college fund. Which of course she should not have touched to begin with.
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Old 12-28-2013, 12:00 PM
 
2,074 posts, read 1,456,458 times
Reputation: 3317
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diane443 View Post
Today I've been told my mother has announced to our family she has disowned me. The reason: I asked my parents to begin paying back a $5,000. Loan I gave them over 6 years ago from my sons college fund. I asked for a meeting to discuss paying $5.00-$20.00 per week. My father is 68 and works over 50 hours per week, my mother doesn't work but goes to the casino weekly. I am so distraught that I am only worth that amount to her that she would rather walk away than discuss it. I also paid over several thousand dollars in bills for them and took them on an all-paid cruise 3 years ago, that she has suddenly forgotten. This is tearing apart our family.
Any advice

Sounds to me like mom's gambling addiction is numero uno in her life. She disowned you over 20 bucks a week.... yep.... she's a gambling addict.

And she told this to your family behind your back before talking to you? You shouldn't be distraught. You should be outraged, pissed and highly open to the idea that she did you a favor.

Family ties mean nothing in America anymore to lots of people. It's sad and pathetic, but sometimes you just have to go with it. You're mom was quite willing to rob her own grandchild (probably because of her gambling) and had the gall to disown you for sticking up for your kid. She's a wretch.
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Old 12-28-2013, 12:09 PM
 
Location: East of the Mississippi and South of Bluegrass
4,453 posts, read 3,732,378 times
Reputation: 9587
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabiya View Post
Considering how much money THEY spent on you from the time you were born to now..... you infact owe THEM instead of them owing you.
Ummm...NO, she in fact does not owe them anything at all; zero, zip, zilch and NADA! Sadly enough she did not realize that when she agreed to lend them $5,000 over SIX years ago...AND this money was from her son's college fund.

The difference being "they spent" and she lent, two vastly and entirely different financial scenarios.

A child NEVER owes their parents anything for having been raised by them other than the usual and customary (if warranted) respect, love, loyalty, and admiration.
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