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Old 12-28-2013, 02:13 PM
 
5 posts, read 22,803 times
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My mother and I moved into a new neighborhood during the end of November. (I'm 25, my mother is 61.)

The first night, a guy around 28 to 32 was outside with his dog. His dog kept coming by us barking, licking, etc. as we were carrying our bags to the house. I told the dog to get away. (We're not into dogs and the dog almost made me drop my bags.) The guy politely told us that the dog was friendly and didn't bite. That was that.

The next time my mother seen this guy, he volunteered to let his son finish taking the trash bag to the dumpster, but she thanked him and said she got it. (No one offered to help us while moving in with heavy things, but after we moved in, he offered to carry something so small.) He spoke about 3 times after that, then stopped. Since then, my mother has spoken to him about 5 times, but he ignores her. One time, he just stared at us.

The guy next door is acting strange, too. He met my mother the 2nd day while she was bringing in some stuff from her old place. (I was at work.) She said the next door neighbor talked to her for about 45 minutes. He told her he was married, had 4 kids, told her about the community and had general conversation.

About 4 days after that, my mother was knocking on the door for me to open it, the neighbor walked up without speaking, so my mother turned to ask him how was his day. He seemed a bit irritated, but told her it was okay.

Later that day, the delivery men brought our new furniture, then left the empty boxes outside our door. When my mother went outside, the neighbor told her he was going to take the boxes to the trash for her but he didn't because he saw they were empty and not heavy. (No one had given him permission to look through our stuff, but my mother didn't get an attitude, she just spoke to him and said okay.)

Everyone started off friendly, now they seem to have attitudes and won't speak back.

It doesn't bother me, because I'm introverted, I've never spoken to any of these people, etc. but my mother is bothered and wondering why they are now giving her the cold shoulder. My mother and I are both introverted except she makes eye contact and speaks - I never make eye contact nor speak unless someone speaks to me first. (I'm not rude, but I got tired of speaking to people who didn't speak back, so now I only speak when spoken to.)


We don't smoke, drink, etc. These people smoke weed, drink, etc. so maybe they figure why bother speaking if we're not hanging out with them? Could it be that they aren't speaking to her anymore, because they dislike me, so taking it out on her? Anyone been through anything similar or have any idea?

Last edited by KellyKels; 12-28-2013 at 02:24 PM..
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Old 12-28-2013, 04:24 PM
 
1,191 posts, read 1,534,703 times
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I guess I don't really see that anyone in the situation is being rude or anything... why is it that you feel something is wrong? Just reading through it, the sense I get is that maybe the neighbor isn't quite sure what to make of you and your mom. You seemed bothered by his dog (understandable, both of your positions.) He offered to help with the trash, which was a nice thing to do. Your mom declined. He made a weird-ish comment about the boxes and them not being too heavy... but maybe after your mom didn't want help with the trash, he got the idea she wouldn't want help with the boxes either. I would not consider looking at boxes someone left outside in a common area to be something I needed permission for.

So, maybe things just got off on... maybe not the wrong foot, but a weird foot? In human interactions, we try different things and see if the other party has a positive response to them. That's how we figure out how to relate to one another. In reading your description, it doesn't sound like your mom has given the guy a positive response to anything (not rude either, just clearly nothing he's done has been "right"), so my guess is he's not quite sure what to do, so he's doing nothing instead.
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Old 12-28-2013, 05:04 PM
 
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Thanks for answering. I was speaking of two different guys. The first is the one with the dog, the other is the next door neighbor. I just thought it was weird that now he ignores her when she speaks. No ones trying to develop a friendship or anything, it doesn't hurt to speak however.

Yeah, I guess different people see things differently. (Speaking on the next door neighbor who went through the boxes that were left on our porch.) I just found it strange that when we were moving in (made over 50 trips carrying heavy items, no one volunteered to help, but later they volunteered to help with simple things that needed no help.)

Another thing, this isn't the suburbs, this is the type of area where people kick in doors, steal, sell drugs etc. so usually when someone does these things, it's not to be helpful but see what you have that they might want to steal later.

Thanks for the reply.


Quote:
Originally Posted by kitkatbar View Post
I guess I don't really see that anyone in the situation is being rude or anything... why is it that you feel something is wrong? Just reading through it, the sense I get is that maybe the neighbor isn't quite sure what to make of you and your mom. You seemed bothered by his dog (understandable, both of your positions.) He offered to help with the trash, which was a nice thing to do. Your mom declined. He made a weird-ish comment about the boxes and them not being too heavy... but maybe after your mom didn't want help with the trash, he got the idea she wouldn't want help with the boxes either. I would not consider looking at boxes someone left outside in a common area to be something I needed permission for.

So, maybe things just got off on... maybe not the wrong foot, but a weird foot? In human interactions, we try different things and see if the other party has a positive response to them. That's how we figure out how to relate to one another. In reading your description, it doesn't sound like your mom has given the guy a positive response to anything (not rude either, just clearly nothing he's done has been "right"), so my guess is he's not quite sure what to do, so he's doing nothing instead.
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Old 12-28-2013, 05:28 PM
 
9,584 posts, read 5,794,323 times
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Maybe they were initially friendly but suddenly cold because they were trying to size you and your mom up and have since figured out that you have nothing to offer them so they are back to their everyday selves. I say this with the additional information about how you were creeped out over your neighbor looking in the boxes and it being a rough neighborhood. I would suggest that you just avoid these people if they are giving off a weird vibe.
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Old 12-28-2013, 05:48 PM
 
1,191 posts, read 1,534,703 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyKels View Post
Yeah, I guess different people see things differently. (Speaking on the next door neighbor who went through the boxes that were left on our porch.) I just found it strange that when we were moving in (made over 50 trips carrying heavy items, no one volunteered to help, but later they volunteered to help with simple things that needed no help.)

Another thing, this isn't the suburbs, this is the type of area where people kick in doors, steal, sell drugs etc. so usually when someone does these things, it's not to be helpful but see what you have that they might want to steal later.
Yup. Everyone reacts differently. What one person sees as making a friendly gesture, another might see as too pushy. What one person sees as holding back not to be pushy, another might see as being unwilling to lend a hand. It takes trial and error to learn how to relate to every new person.

Who knows with the boxes... maybe the guy has a bad back. In any case, sounds from your description like maybe a little space is the best thing. I've had some neighbors I've been friendly with and others who I lived directly across from them for years and we never spoke a word. Personally, either way is fine with me as long as there isn't trouble. Good luck.
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Old 12-28-2013, 08:12 PM
 
Location: CO/UT/AZ/NM Catch me if you can!
4,740 posts, read 4,363,341 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyKels View Post
My mother and I moved into a new neighborhood during the end of November. (I'm 25, my mother is 61.)

The first night, a guy around 28 to 32 was outside with his dog. His dog kept coming by us barking, licking, etc. as we were carrying our bags to the house. I told the dog to get away. (We're not into dogs and the dog almost made me drop my bags.) The guy politely told us that the dog was friendly and didn't bite. That was that.

The next time my mother seen this guy, he volunteered to let his son finish taking the trash bag to the dumpster, but she thanked him and said she got it. (No one offered to help us while moving in with heavy things, but after we moved in, he offered to carry something so small.) He spoke about 3 times after that, then stopped. Since then, my mother has spoken to him about 5 times, but he ignores her. One time, he just stared at us.

The guy next door is acting strange, too. He met my mother the 2nd day while she was bringing in some stuff from her old place. (I was at work.) She said the next door neighbor talked to her for about 45 minutes. He told her he was married, had 4 kids, told her about the community and had general conversation.

About 4 days after that, my mother was knocking on the door for me to open it, the neighbor walked up without speaking, so my mother turned to ask him how was his day. He seemed a bit irritated, but told her it was okay.

Later that day, the delivery men brought our new furniture, then left the empty boxes outside our door. When my mother went outside, the neighbor told her he was going to take the boxes to the trash for her but he didn't because he saw they were empty and not heavy. (No one had given him permission to look through our stuff, but my mother didn't get an attitude, she just spoke to him and said okay.)

Everyone started off friendly, now they seem to have attitudes and won't speak back.

It doesn't bother me, because I'm introverted, I've never spoken to any of these people, etc. but my mother is bothered and wondering why they are now giving her the cold shoulder. My mother and I are both introverted except she makes eye contact and speaks - I never make eye contact nor speak unless someone speaks to me first. (I'm not rude, but I got tired of speaking to people who didn't speak back, so now I only speak when spoken to.)


We don't smoke, drink, etc. These people smoke weed, drink, etc. so maybe they figure why bother speaking if we're not hanging out with them? Could it be that they aren't speaking to her anymore, because they dislike me, so taking it out on her? Anyone been through anything similar or have any idea?
Hmmm... Well, first of all, I think the guy with the dog was rude. I love animals and I have a dog, but I don't expect everyone else in the world to adore him. If my dog was barking and getting in the way of people lugging stuff into their house, I'd apologize for him and then leash him or put him back in the house. I'd also offer to help carry stuff in. The last place I moved into, the neighbors were very nice - came out to say hi, then started helping me carry in my stuff. But I live in a small town and I've noticed that people just tend to help one another here.

Dog-man sounds like one lazy human being. Never mind that he wouldn't help you with the heavier stuff, he can't even help with a bag of trash. Instead he volunteers his kid to do it. When your Mom turns down his offer of child lavor, he gets a resentment and has to make a point of informing your Mom that he didn't feel required to take those empty boxes to the dumpster because they were too light. Why the newsflash? I'd just have kept my trap shut. Actually, if I was really trying to be a good neighbor, I'd have spared your Mom the trouble of taking those empty but no doubt bulky boxes to the trash, done it myself and never mention it to either of you unless you'd asked me directly about it.

These two like to smoke dope and party. Your Mom's too old (in their eyes), and you're a party pooper, so why waste time talking to either one of you? No big loss IMO. Say "hi" and "bye" and otherwise ignore them.
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Old 12-28-2013, 09:26 PM
 
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I am wondering if the area is as bad as you paint it and the neighbors seem to be the same way why you moved in there...
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Old 12-29-2013, 02:34 AM
 
18,340 posts, read 23,506,172 times
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people are strange, when you're a stranger....


some of the best neighbors, keep to themselves..

if they were overly friendly, you'd be suspicious of alterior motives, or creepiness..

if you two are introverts, and keep to yourselves,,, then thats good if the neighbors do it also..

years ago, my grandmother would say "everyone has their own crosses to bear" meaning we all have our challenges-
today, ive resigned myself, that we all are a bit f.......ed up , however you want to put it...
so , if these strangers are keeping their distance, thats a good thing..
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Old 12-29-2013, 03:11 AM
 
Location: Southern California
15,087 posts, read 17,554,290 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyKels View Post
...

We don't smoke, drink, etc. These people smoke weed, drink, etc. so maybe they figure why bother speaking if we're not hanging out with them? Could it be that they aren't speaking to her anymore, because they dislike me, so taking it out on her? Anyone been through anything similar or have any idea?
I don't think they dislike you or your Mom. I think they don't see you or her as being compatible with their 'lifestyle' and they probably don't see anything in common between you.

[that or they think you're a narc... ]
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Old 12-29-2013, 07:44 AM
 
Location: Long Neck,De
4,792 posts, read 6,786,111 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyKels View Post
It doesn't bother me, because I'm introverted, I've never spoken to any of these people, etc. but my mother is bothered and wondering why they are now giving her the cold shoulder. My mother and I are both introverted except she makes eye contact and speaks - I never make eye contact nor speak unless someone speaks to me first. (I'm not rude, but I got tired of speaking to people who didn't speak back, so now I only speak when spoken to.)
It sounds tome and most likely the neighbors you would rather be by yourselves.
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