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As far as my friend, calling her out on it just made her laugh, shrug, and say "Oh, you know how I am! I don't know why you get so mad about it!" I'd consider us acquaintances rather than friends these days, and the lateness isn't why, but I don't miss that particular aspect of her at all. I tried the "Tell her 4:30 when you mean 5" trick, too. That time, she was only 15 or so minutes late, figured out what I did and got mad.
It's ironic that she got mad. But, maybe the reason she didn't understand why you were mad generally speaking is because no one did it to her so she couldn't understand how it makes someone feel. So it's good to try to do it to her (just to show her). If it doesn't work, then other measures would work better.
30 minutes.
but i have had coda issues in the past.
i have been known to wait for 8 hours at a street corner standing on my feet, for a friend,.
never again.
u think i make this stuff up dontcha?
I wouldn't try the tit for tat game, that's childish. You could let her know that you'd like to hear from her 'if' she won't be able to be on time (within 15 minutes); or write her off and spend time with someone who is more courteous. Chronically late people don't get better.
This is so petty . . . hard for me to even relate.
I would have ordered a drink/appetizers and waited for an hour and then if they didn't show up, I would have been WORRIED and tried to contact my friend or get in the car and retrace his/her steps assuming they must have been in a wreck.
If they are a friend, things like getting somewhere 30 minutes late are just no big deal. And if it is habitual, you just learn to tell them - meet me at 4:00 and that way you know they will be there b/f 5 pm, when is your real target time, lol.
What kind of world do you live in? I am friends with folks who have last minute calls from clients or who get called into hospitals or who may be waiting on a babysitter who is late, etc etc.
If you HAD to leave, then what you should have done is wait as long as you could and if the friend still had not arrived, you text and say - so sorry - gotta get to xxx appointment (or punch in at work, whatever) and then ask when you can reschedule.
I don't have throw-away friendships.
Good grief.
I live in a world where my employer expects me to be on time. My doctors expect me to be on time. Movie theaters don't delay the start of the show because I am running late. My airplane sure as h*ll doesn't wait for me because I'm running late.
Why wouldn't a friend place value on my time and not leave me waiting and worrying??? To be late over and over is just rude, plain and simple.
I was supposed to meet a friend yesterday between 4:15 and 4:30 for an early dinner. (I hadn't had lunch.) I texted her at 3:30 and told her I'd be there closer to 4:15, she read my text. I got there at 4:10, texted her again with the exact location. She texted back at 4:23 that it took longer to scrape the ice off her car than expected. I thought I knew where she was leaving from, so assumed she'd be there in 10-15 minutes. She didn't show til 4:50, just as I was leaving. I was really pi$$ed by then, so I let her know and left. Would you have waited that long? Was I unreasonable?
Does it make a difference that she frequently does this? About a year ago, she called me an hour after she was supposed to meet me to let me know she was leaving the house. She lives an hour away from where we were meeting. I told her not to bother.
You know, I am a stick-up-the-ass-about-punctuality person and I think you were a bit unreasonable.
By your own definition, she was 20 minutes late. And there was ice involved.
HOWEVER, if this is her usual M.O., then I can see it was just the straw that broke the camel's back and I can understand your being irate.
Word of advice. I have a lovely friend who is funny, smart, kind-hearted, and we've known each other since high school. Our parents know each other. We all like each other. Tons of history. I've pretty much dumped her as a friend. Why? Because the woman is flakey as all sh** and I simply don't need the frustration in my life. She can't be on time for a single thing, she cancels last minute, etc. Every. Single. Time. She was even late for her own birthday party.
So, my advice to you is to kind of gently extract yourself from this friendship. It's frankly obviously too annoying and you're likely to get more negative than positive out of it. Besides, I want to know I can count on my friends.
This is so petty . . . hard for me to even relate.
I would have ordered a drink/appetizers and waited for an hour and then if they didn't show up, I would have been WORRIED and tried to contact my friend or get in the car and retrace his/her steps assuming they must have been in a wreck.
If they are a friend, things like getting somewhere 30 minutes late are just no big deal. And if it is habitual, you just learn to tell them - meet me at 4:00 and that way you know they will be there b/f 5 pm, when is your real target time, lol.
What kind of world do you live in? I am friends with folks who have last minute calls from clients or who get called into hospitals or who may be waiting on a babysitter who is late, etc etc.
If you HAD to leave, then what you should have done is wait as long as you could and if the friend still had not arrived, you text and say - so sorry - gotta get to xxx appointment (or punch in at work, whatever) and then ask when you can reschedule.
I don't have throw-away friendships.
Good grief.
Good grief! Most of these chronic latey-loos aren't late because they had to go take a gallbladder out.
They are late because they simply don't care.
That's worth throwing away.
Nice drama, though.
I was supposed to meet a friend yesterday between 4:15 and 4:30 for an early dinner. (I hadn't had lunch.) I texted her at 3:30 and told her I'd be there closer to 4:15, she read my text. I got there at 4:10, texted her again with the exact location. She texted back at 4:23 that it took longer to scrape the ice off her car than expected. I thought I knew where she was leaving from, so assumed she'd be there in 10-15 minutes. She didn't show til 4:50, just as I was leaving. I was really pi$$ed by then, so I let her know and left. Would you have waited that long? Was I unreasonable?
Does it make a difference that she frequently does this? About a year ago, she called me an hour after she was supposed to meet me to let me know she was leaving the house. She lives an hour away from where we were meeting. I told her not to bother.
Honestly, I don't. If someone calls and says they are running late then I will leave a wee bit later to get there the same time they do, otherwise I move along with my day.
My wife is chronically late. (pun intended) I just expect it. My Kindle is my friend. I get big hunks of novels read while waiting for her. If I'm feeling particularly mean, when she finally shows up I might make her wait until I finish the chapter.
There are the chronically late, and the punctual, and I swear they are like oil and water. I am in the punctual camp, if I'm going to be more than 5 minutes late, I'll call.
I've dealt with my chronically late friends by no longer agreeing to meet one on one. Either one of us will drive, in order that the other can remain comfortably at home while they wait, or I bring somebody else along, so we can follow through with our plans. If the CL person shows up late, fine, they can catch up with us.
I had a friend that was habitually late. Not just 5-10 minutes, but 30-60 minutes. She would call/text 5 minutes after she was supposed to be there to tell me that she'd be there in about 15 minutes because of *insert excuse and poor planning here*. And then she still wouldn't show up for a half hour or more. It's exasperating to deal with, and it tells me that she doesn't value my time. As far as my friend, calling her out on it just made her laugh, shrug, and say "Oh, you know how I am! I don't know why you get so mad about it!" I'd consider us acquaintances rather than friends these days, and the lateness isn't why, but I don't miss that particular aspect of her at all. I tried the "Tell her 4:30 when you mean 5" trick, too. That time, she was only 15 or so minutes late, figured out what I did and got mad.
OP, I don't know the history with you and your friend -- if it's like me and my friend above, I totally understand your annoyance because there's a long history of it. However, all you cite is this example and the one from a year ago. And assuming those aren't the last two times you've hung out in a year, that doesn't exactly make a "history" of tardiness on her part. The weather thing is plausible, and you do admit that you "thought" you knew where she was coming from and "assumed" you knew when she'd arrive. It sounds like some lack of communicating on both sides, really -- maybe she really was coming from farther away than you thought. But, again, if you have an extensive history of this with her, I get it.
It's exactly like you and your friend. This is not the only two times she's done this to me. I just didn't want to describe all the times it's happened. The one time I was deliberately late (10 minutes), she was on time. We were meeting a 3rd friend which makes me feel like she doesn't value our friendship. Weather at that time of day was really not an issue. It had rained and then the rain froze. It took me 3 minutes to clean off my windshield. I think you're exactly right that it was poor planning on her part.
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