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Old 12-30-2013, 03:55 PM
 
23 posts, read 15,858 times
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I have experiences with friends like this, what I would normally do is try to make sure they get ready and reach before I do
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Old 12-30-2013, 03:59 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,016,830 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kayanne View Post
I live in a world where my employer expects me to be on time. My doctors expect me to be on time. Movie theaters don't delay the start of the show because I am running late. My airplane sure as h*ll doesn't wait for me because I'm running late.

Why wouldn't a friend place value on my time and not leave me waiting and worrying??? To be late over and over is just rude, plain and simple.
I am the same way as far as my own schedule and my behavior when interacting with others.

However, I have friends who are often interrupted b/c of their jobs and so personal plans get bumped, delayed, canceled, or rescheduled. I just don't think that much about it. I have had to do the same at times in my career when dealing with crisis management -- my personal life had to take backseat at those times.

It just isn't a big deal to me if others are late. Now, a client . . . that is irritating but if I am charging them for the time, that doesn't bother me, either, lol.

Evidently, it really upsets some folks when others are late. It would upset me, too, if they didn't call or text me what was going on. As long as I know they are on the way, their being late is just not that big of an issue. If I have another appointment afterwards, then we simply won't be spending much time together having lunch. But I wouldn't mark them off my "friends" list. But that's me and we are all different.
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Old 12-30-2013, 04:32 PM
 
9,568 posts, read 5,764,693 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
I am the same way as far as my own schedule and my behavior when interacting with others.

However, I have friends who are often interrupted b/c of their jobs and so personal plans get bumped, delayed, canceled, or rescheduled. I just don't think that much about it. I have had to do the same at times in my career when dealing with crisis management -- my personal life had to take backseat at those times.

It just isn't a big deal to me if others are late. Now, a client . . . that is irritating but if I am charging them for the time, that doesn't bother me, either, lol.

Evidently, it really upsets some folks when others are late. It would upset me, too, if they didn't call or text me what was going on. As long as I know they are on the way, their being late is just not that big of an issue. If I have another appointment afterwards, then we simply won't be spending much time together having lunch. But I wouldn't mark them off my "friends" list. But that's me and we are all different.
If I had a friend who was late due to something coming up at work or school and they texted or called to tell me that they would be running late I would totally understand. The friend who is just always late for no solid reason, that is the one who annoys me.
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Old 12-30-2013, 04:41 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,888 posts, read 17,196,676 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kayanne View Post
I live in a world where my employer expects me to be on time. My doctors expect me to be on time. Movie theaters don't delay the start of the show because I am running late. My airplane sure as h*ll doesn't wait for me because I'm running late.

Why wouldn't a friend place value on my time and not leave me waiting and worrying??? To be late over and over is just rude, plain and simple.
That is my point, too. If you can be on time to work why should meeting a friend be less important?

I know that sometimes things happen, someone calls on your land line just when you are leaving the house, traffic is backed up due to an accident, you spill soda all over your clothes and need to change, etc. but people who are habitually late by 10 minutes or more really get my goat.

My in-laws used to be chronically 30 to 60 minutes late to everything. It was pretty rude and annoying.
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Old 12-30-2013, 07:14 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,409 posts, read 52,413,699 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
I don't think that's true. My mother has been one of those "late" people her whole life. If we tell her we'll pick her up at 1:00, she'll be ready around 1:45. It's not that she doesn't care, she just has some kind of mental block around it for whatever reason. I think every time, she intends to be on time, but something falls apart in the process for her. We just lie about what time we want her ready, problem solved. I'm certainly not going to waste my energy getting upset about something I know in advance is going to happen. Just assume when friend says 1:00 she means 2:00, problem solved.
Unless someone has tied your mother up, no kind of "mental block" will stop her from doing what is important to her.
Being on time is not important to her and she takes it for granted everyone else will wait or put up with it.
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Old 12-30-2013, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,409 posts, read 52,413,699 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Nice drama? Sorry, do not understand the point you are trying to make. You think my post was somehow "dramatic?"

The girl in question, according to the OP, was dealing with ice on her car. Sure, she should have allowed more time. However, if this is someone I consider a friend, and know she is habitually behind with allowing enough time (and I do have friends and family members like this) . . . it just isn't that big of a deal. You see them when they get there. You order a drink and have appetizers.

I think the point of the OP's post is really that the friendship wasn't that important to start with or he/she would have been less irritated by someone being late.

Nothing dramatic about it.
The girl in question does this all the time. It is not just once. Here and there can be overlooked. Habitually screwing your friends over...not so much.

We have four dogs and an uncooperative, ever-pooping toddler who won't stop taking his shoes off, and we still manage to be on time.
The world is full of excuses.

I agree with you.
When I can (bc some restaurants want you to have a full party prior to seating you), I just start with a drink or something. But with a movie, a play, dinner theater, a flight...no dice.
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Old 12-30-2013, 07:20 PM
 
Location: A tropical island
4,542 posts, read 4,406,976 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Unless someone has tied your mother up, no kind of "mental block" will stop her from doing what is important to her.
Being on time is not important to her and she takes it for granted everyone else will wait or put up with it.
^^^
This.

Again, the airplane example. Does she miss flights because of her "mental block" / tardiness? Or would a non-refundable flight be *important* enough that she manages to get to the airport on time?
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Old 12-30-2013, 08:00 PM
 
16,992 posts, read 20,594,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
The girl in question does this all the time. It is not just once. Here and there can be overlooked. Habitually screwing your friends over...not so much.

We have four dogs and an uncooperative, ever-pooping toddler who won't stop taking his shoes off, and we still manage to be on time.
The world is full of excuses.

I agree with you.
When I can (bc some restaurants want you to have a full party prior to seating you), I just start with a drink or something. But with a movie, a play, dinner theater, a flight...no dice.

This is a control issue. Many years ago I had a friend who never got anywhere on time or if you went to their house to pick them up they were never ready, you had to sit and wait while they got dressed. It could be 30 minutes or more.

I went away with this person and couple of other friends on a weekend trip, it ended in a fight due to this person constantly holding us up by taking so long to get ready to go out at night, and than in the morning to meet for breakfast.

I mentioned this to someone in passing and they said it's about control, I didn't think too much of it at the time but later realized there was something to that.

But I started paying attention to the pattern of behavior and a light bulb went off, it was about control of the situation.


People who do this constantly are aware they're doing it, it makes them feel like they're running the show, or are so important because others are waiting around for them.
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Old 12-30-2013, 08:01 PM
 
261 posts, read 284,270 times
Reputation: 666
If something is important to you, you will make sure to show up for it. If an emergency comes up you call and let the other person know when to expect you. Unless you were in an accident and in critical condition - this is common courtesy. To keep other people waiting on a habitual basis is manipulative and shows a lack of respect for the other person/people. It says their time and whatever they are doing is more important than you are. True friends wouldn't act this way.
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Old 12-30-2013, 08:50 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,407 posts, read 8,105,644 times
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So technically, she was really only 20 min late since you said you agreed to meet her between 4:15 & 4:30. So 4:30 is the latest & she was there at 4:50...20 min to me isn't too bad. If she kept you waiting 45+ min regularly, then that's another story.

I'm ALWAYS the one who arrives early/first too when a friend & I arrange to meet & I'm not just talking about the SAME friend, but a few different pals of mine. I don't know why I'm always waiting on them. If I can be early/on time, so can they.

My personal method is that I start texting the person the moment they're 15 min late to see if they're on their way or what. If they say they're about 20 min or less away, I don't mind waiting, but if they're way off schedule, it depends on my mood & schedule if I really want to continue waiting that day for them or not. Personally, I think being 30 min late is extreme.
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