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Old 01-02-2014, 07:34 PM
 
Location: Dunwoody,GA
1,991 posts, read 4,748,113 times
Reputation: 2241

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To add to the initial list:

Don't discuss with the family how none of the adults will exchange gifts this year (agreeing to only buy for the kids) and then buy "a little something" for everyone anyway. Then the other adults who actually took that seriously feel like giant a**holes.

My parents are notorious for doing this. Really, I mean it when I say don't buy me anything because I'm not going to buy you anything. If you don't want to do it, don't agree to it in the first place.
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Old 01-03-2014, 07:39 AM
 
Location: Fishers, IN
4,148 posts, read 4,587,344 times
Reputation: 4206
I must live in the perfect family. Everyone lives within an hour and a half drive so there is never a need to stay the night with someone. With my extended family, we draw names at Thanksgiving with a monetary spending limit that has been set for years and on the paper with your name, you write a few items you want. For my immediate family, we exchange lists that we create and we're all really good at making nice, specific lists and following those lists. My dad is horrible at making lists but my mom actually pays attention to things he says throughout the year and usually has suggestions for things he wants or is interested in. Plus my family is very good at getting gift receipts for things so even if it is an item that isn't wanted, it can always be taken back.
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Old 01-03-2014, 12:15 PM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,255 posts, read 7,857,449 times
Reputation: 53196
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bayarea4 View Post
Thanks, Lilac! I'm still trying to figure out why pet owners shouldn't give baked goods.

IKR. My kitchen is spotless and I actually wash my hands before I prepare anything. I'll take my home with pets over someone that doesn't wash their hands. Way too much stress and too many rules. I'm glad we don't celebrate Christmas.
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Old 01-05-2014, 02:30 PM
 
37,852 posts, read 14,739,896 times
Reputation: 24161
Quote:
Originally Posted by animalcrazy View Post
I'm glad we don't celebrate Christmas.
Which is where I think the OP is headed.

Solstice is a better holiday anyway. More drinking and less gifting involved.
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Old 01-05-2014, 02:54 PM
 
25,953 posts, read 26,673,713 times
Reputation: 26711
Quote:
Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould View Post
Which is where I think the OP is headed.

Solstice is a better holiday anyway. More drinking and less gifting involved.
Or a Festivus for the Rest of Us.
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Old 01-05-2014, 09:23 PM
 
16,487 posts, read 21,010,430 times
Reputation: 16171
The holidays are over, so why are you doing this thread?

I don't agree with at least half of your list. Some people love getting handmade items, or items that say "Grandma" etc. on them. Who doesn't give a Grandma mug because they have to throw it away when she dies? As far as not inviting anyone to your home, some people cannot afford a motel and must stay with friends or relatives. It isn't alway a matter of not wanting to share a bathroom or sleep in someone else bed.
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Old 01-05-2014, 09:34 PM
 
16,487 posts, read 21,010,430 times
Reputation: 16171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bayarea4 View Post
Thanks, Lilac! I'm still trying to figure out why pet owners shouldn't give baked goods.
I think she is afraid of animals hairs in it.
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Old 01-05-2014, 09:50 PM
 
Location: Philaburbia
32,309 posts, read 59,585,988 times
Reputation: 53805
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
After seeing threads about Christmas and the things people are complaining about I think it is time to list what people think proper behavior is.
Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of January 2 this year. Did Santa not bring you all the toys on your Christmas list?

Better advice would be to put some thought into giving gifts.

Quote:
3.) Do not give crafts or any kind of homemade item.
The home canned foods I give as gifts are never displayed; they're devoured before they can be displayed.
Quote:
4.) The same goes for clothes. Do you want others to pick out what you will wear?
If the giver has good taste, why the heck not?

Quote:
7.) If you have pets, do not give baked goods for a gift.
Oops ... ... see my reply above to the homemade gift giving. How inconsiderate of me.



Quote:
8.) A donation made in your name is not a gift. It is a memorial contribution. Wait until they die before you do that.
A donation is a memorial only after someone dies. Otherwise, it's a gift in honor of the person in question.

Quote:
9.) Forget the mugs and hats that say grandma.
Especially if the person in question is a grandpa.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould View Post
I gave a copy of Don Quixote to a person who probably would have preferred a bottle of tequila.
LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by brokencrayola View Post
The holidays are over, so why are you doing this thread?
I guess the OP likes to plan ahead. Good thing, since the people in his/her life must abide by so many caveats.
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Old 01-06-2014, 01:04 AM
 
Location: Portlandia "burbs"
10,236 posts, read 13,942,373 times
Reputation: 25884
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Another poster wrote about 12 or 15 people forced to stay in a tiny mobile home, again with just one bathroom. These posters wanted to stay at a hotel but their family members "insisted" that they were being uncooperative and unfriendly if they didn't enjoy the "huge slumber party".
This is how my husband's family used to be in years past. I remember Christmas at the in-laws when there were at least 30 people inside their tiny house and it was crowded and not fun. We never had to sleep on the floor but I still would have preferred a motel just to have our own bathroom. But we didn't because they would have been offended, which I will never understand.
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Old 01-06-2014, 06:33 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,168,615 times
Reputation: 4297
Quote:
Originally Posted by brokencrayola View Post
The holidays are over, so why are you doing this thread?
It's called a 'post-mortem' - breaking down the details of a prior event to be prepared for when they happen again, or to warn against a reoccurence.


Quote:
Originally Posted by brokencrayola View Post
I don't agree with at least half of your list. Some people love getting handmade items, or items that say "Grandma" etc. on them. Who doesn't give a Grandma mug because they have to throw it away when she dies? As far as not inviting anyone to your home, some people cannot afford a motel and must stay with friends or relatives. It isn't alway a matter of not wanting to share a bathroom or sleep in someone else bed.
I do. So do some others, from the details of how their holidays were made insufferable by the expectations of others.

And I'm going to repeat one of your lines to illustrate that you need to go back and reread the OP

Quote:
As far as not inviting anyone to your home
The OP did not say that. Not at all.

What the OP SAID was

Quote:
Do not insist that people stay at your house. No normal person wants to share a bathroom with in laws or sleep on something other than a bed.
The invitation can be extended, but keep it as an amenable invite, don't become insistent if they turn you down.

The second sentence I do have an issue with.

"Normal people" don't go "yaaay! I get to use my MIL's shower!" or "yaaay! I get to sleep on the lumpy sofa bed that MIL allowed her grandkids to copious pee on!" (true story for me and Spouse. MIL got all weepy because we insisted on a hotel rather than sleep on that smelly couch and face the prospect of having to go through her bedroom, quietly trying to pass her sleeping form, for a midnight pee.) "Normal people" might not want to suffer through less-than-comfortable or unfamiliar surroundings, but they'll suck it up or wimp out for the sake of harmony with a relative. Or, yes, they may not be able to budget offsite amenities and are fine with strange circumstances for a few days.

What I take from the list is a general sense that many people (not everyone) simply aren't perceptive or they don't care to take the time to consider the appropriateness of gifts. Also, that a host/ess may have built up a scenario of how they want the holidays to be celebrated and demand that everyone falls in line with that no matter that it causes guests discomfort or spoils the festivities for them.

I'm glad that Spouse and I have bowed out of most of the rituals and prefer to spend peaceful time at home, by ourselves, now. We put in several decades of wondering what % of the holidays were going to be enjoyable, how much was going to be "grin and bear it" and how many months post-holiday we'd have to suffer the guilt trips of (mostly) the older women making remarks about how much better the holidays would have been if everyone had just done things their way.

I don't agree with some of the list, but overall I get a sense of validation that I'm not the only one who has had to summon up an extraordinary amount of grace to get through holidays.
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