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Old 01-02-2014, 09:45 PM
 
Location: TOVCCA
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I like to walk through graveyards, and I have seen many, many double headstones with only one person buried there (and the dates would preclude the other person still being alive).

I can only presume that either the surviving spouse remarried and was buried with the later spouse, or that they or their relatives chose another location for the final resting place.
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Old 01-02-2014, 10:38 PM
 
Location: Tulsa, OK
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This is something I never really thought about until my husband died suddenly in 2002. We didn't have plans or a plot, so I cremated him and he's in NJ, around the corner from my Mom and Dad. Since I am in Oklahoma now and as of this date unmarried, I told my kids, that if I remain unmarried, when I pass to just put me in an urn on one of their mantles, so I'm always a part of whatever is going on!!! LOL
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Old 01-02-2014, 10:52 PM
 
Location: Georgia
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Well, I'd say it doesn't really matter one way or the other -- 20 minutes isn't going to be a big barrier to visiting a gravesite, unless you have really lazy kids. :-)

Your parents will probably beat you to the graveyard, so really, it's just you and your wife who have to decide. Why not just agree that the one that dies first loses the vote on where they would like to be buried. The surviving spouse can then decide what feels right for both of them.

My husband and I are going for cremation. I would hate to be in a cemetery, dislike the idea of all the costs involved with burial, and the constant maintenance -- for what? So your kids can feel guilty about not visiting? Eh. Not really into building some sort of "clan of the dead". :-)
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Old 01-02-2014, 10:52 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 92,049,546 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jrsygrl51 View Post
I told my kids, that if I remain unmarried, when I pass to just put me in an urn on one of their mantles, so I'm always a part of whatever is going on!!! LOL
I sure hope they don't feel obligated to do that if it makes them uncomfortable. I brought home some ashes and it caused me much distress on and off for quite a few years before I finally decided to take them to a cemetery to be buried. Not everyone likes to have constant reminders of a deceased loved one around to make them sad every time they see it.
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Old 01-02-2014, 11:13 PM
 
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My brother bought me this really pretty white vase from Pier One for Christmas one year and my dad, who's a total ass, made some remark about what it was and I said, "It's your urn."
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Old 01-03-2014, 12:16 AM
 
Location: Tulsa, OK
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I sure hope they don't feel obligated to do that if it makes them uncomfortable. I brought home some ashes and it caused me much distress on and off for quite a few years before I finally decided to take them to a cemetery to be buried. Not everyone likes to have constant reminders of a deceased loved one around to make them sad every time they see it.
This was meant as a joke. I have had so much death in my life the past 10 years, I can't even tell you. I will make arrangements for when that time comes. If the kids decide to keep some of my ashes, that will be fine with me. If I had my way, my parents would be with me on my mantle. I had my husband with me for over a year before I placed him.
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Old 01-03-2014, 05:50 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
42,749 posts, read 41,458,983 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amisi View Post
There are also companies that turn creamains into a 'diamond' or mix it with seedlings and plant it as a tree.
I like the idea of the tree, but if something happened and the tree died at some point I would feel terrible, like the loved one died all over again.

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Old 01-03-2014, 07:51 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 29,407,625 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
That's sort of unsettling walking around with a necklace of a fingerprint taken from a cadaver.
When it is your child, it is not a cadaver. It is your child. My nephews wife has her babies footprints tattooed on her back. She had to have surgery when she was around nine months old and did fine with the surgery but the anesthesia is what killed her.
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Old 01-03-2014, 07:55 AM
 
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We don't even have plots. People have moved too much all over the country and even the world. I'm afraid to buy one because I'm worried we won't even be living in this state when one of us dies. Naturally, though, if I had a plot, I'd prefer to be with my parents instead of my husband's, especially if it is a historic graveyard. But there is no sense arguing about it - the sad fact is that all the parents will pass away first and not be around to be offended by it, and at least one of you will probably not be around to get upset over it. So I'd leave the options open, at least for now, and avoid any disagreements.
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Old 01-03-2014, 07:57 AM
 
Location: NoVa
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My parents are buried at different cemeteries. My father did have a plot, but it was next to his first wife.

Neither of my parents had any plans when my dad passed so my dad was buried at a cemetery that we chose but at the time, my mother did not buy the plot next to him. I remember visiting his grave, which I did a lot, and then some woman named Ruth was buried next to him. I didn't like it...

Before my mom passed, she was diagnosed with cancer and she started getting everything in order and bought a plot at a different cemetery. It is only a few miles down the road from my dad, but I do wish they had been together.

As far as the OP, I always thought the wife was buried with the husbands family, but I don't see any reason why it couldn't be any other way.

Sounds like you each want to be buried in a different place. Another person mentioned buying plots together somewhere else, and that is always an option. Just because someone bought plots does not mean you have to use them.

I used to belong to a church with two very big families who went there and in the church cemetery, there were graves full of their family members. I can understand how your wife feels.
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