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I don't care, I'll be dead. Never really understood the need to 'claim' a piece of land for eternity when you're dead.
I totally agree! There is this huge cemetery close to where I live and I just don't get it. The family pays an obscene amount of money for a funeral, casket, funeral home, service, burial, headstone, etc., and for what??? So you can dump the body and the expensive casket in the ground and pour dirt over it and then place a headstone with the person's name and dates of birth and death. People MAY visit for the first couple of years on birthdays, anniversary's or holidays. However, 10 years down the line? It's doubtful anyone is visiting. The casket is just taking up space in the ground because the body is long gone.
The soul/spirit is what's important ---- not a fancy casket or headstone, not a huge service, not a ton of flowers. The person's soul/spirit leaves the body at the moment of death and is absolutely with their loved one all the time. They are not at the cemetery.
I've already left my instructions in writing: Absolutely NO wake, no funeral, no memorial service. Just cremate my body immediately and scatter the ashes in my favorite places.
A few years from your burial, no one will be coming to visit anyway, so what difference does it make??
Sorry, but I must disagree with you...LOTS of people continue to visit the graves of their loved ones years and years after they pass. My husband died 26 years ago when I was in my 30s, and I still put flowers on his grave on holidays and his birthday. If my MIL were still alive, she would be doing the same thing.
My parents are in their 80s, and every Christmas, they put wreaths on the graves of their parents (my grandparents) and my brother every year. To each his/her own...but when I visit the cemetery where my husband is buried, the majority of graves are COVERED with flowers, plants, Easter baskets, Christmas trees, balloons, pinwheels, etc. at the holidays. It's a beautiful sight to see.
Last edited by LibraGirl123; 01-05-2014 at 11:04 AM..
... People MAY visit for the first couple of years on birthdays, anniversary's or holidays. However, 10 years down the line? It's doubtful anyone is visiting. The casket is just taking up space in the ground because the body is long gone.
...
Quote:
Originally Posted by LibraGirl123
Sorry, but I must disagree with you...LOTS of people continue to visit the graves of their loved ones years and years after they pass. My husband died 26 years ago when I was in my 30s, and I still put flowers on his grave on holidays and his birthday. If my MIL were still alive, she would be doing the same thing.
My parents are in their 80s, and every Christmas, they put wreaths on the graves of their parents (my grandparents) and my brother every year. To each his/her own...but when I visit the cemetery where my husband is buried, the majority of graves are COVERED with flowers, plants, Easter baskets, Christmas trees, balloons, pinwheels, etc. at the holidays. It's a beautiful sight to see.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
I think is the case because of our patriarchal society. Historically women left their relatives and village and joined the husbands families in their hometown.
My husband's family is buried in various cities and states. One set of grandparents here, one set there and his parents someplace else. My relatives (mothers side) are buried in a family/neighborhood cemetery when my earliest relative was buried in about 1840. So, my parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, great-great grandparents and great-great-great grandparents (maybe more) plus many aunts/uncles, great aunts & great uncles, cousins, etc. are all there.
There will always be relatives, siblings, nieces & nephews, cousins, second cousins, visiting that cemetery so we won't be totally forgotten. My husband does not care so it is fine for him to join "the wife's relatives" instead of the other way around so that is where we will be buried.
Our family/neighborhood cemetery has about 50 graves from about 1830 to 1960 and about 40 graves from the last 50 years. Every holiday it is filled with flowers, every Christmas it has wreaths & Christmas trees. It not unusually to see fresh flowers on graves of people who died 100 years ago. There are several different neighborhood family groups buried there, plus a few other people who wanted to be buried there as well.
I'll share a sweet story. There is one grave with a different name among a large group of graves with the same name, clearly, an "outsider" among the family. The story behind it is that a long distance trucker started a friendship with someone in that family. When he died suddenly of a heart attack, in our town, the family "adopted" him because he did not have any family of his own. They vowed to visit his grave and show their respects to him when ever they visited other family members. This was about 30 years ago, and I often see flowers on his grave when I visit the graves of my parents and other relatives from my family.
Some families visit graves and others do not. Our family does.
Cremation for you both then ashes split between the two.
My father-in-law, who at 88 has survived 3 wives and is possibly working on obtaining a fourth, plans to have himself cremated and buried alongside each of his wives.
Probably what I'll do, too -- half of me will be buried with my husband, and the other half in a cemetery overlooking Lake Erie, with my parents and a kazillion other people I know.
instead of cremation, has anyone thought about whole body donation? it gives future dr's a chance to study an entact human body. that's my plan & it costs nothing. hubby calls a phone # whenever the time has come, they collect my body & take it to their mad scientist lab, do experiments & then dispose of me when they are done.
For those who are married, do you intend to be buried in your family's graveyard or your wife/husband's family's graveyard?
Well my MIL went out and bought my wife and I lots beside her. I guess she's of the age when she is thinking of such things.
Long story short. My wife goes to the same church as her parents and is very religious. The lots are in this church's cemetery in the next town over. About a twenty minute drive from here. This is also her home town.
Now unbeknownst to MIL, my parents bought a clan of lots two decades ago not only for me but for any wife and children I might have. My parents are real religious if that makes a difference. I however am the only one not in any way religious if THAT makes a difference. Well this cemetery has relatives back to the mid 1800s. That and it is on a hill with a bunch of old trees as opposed to MIL's flat soccer field setup.
At first I felt like I didn't give two tiddlies where I was buried but now I really feel the intense urge to be buried at home.
I thought it was tradition the woman be buried with the man's family? I dunno but I would think that the case.
My wife is a lot closer to my family than I am to hers. We also reside in my home town. That being said, she is a lot closer to her family than I am to mine Don't get me wrong, we're close but not lovie dovie huggy kissy close like her's is.
She wants to be buried with her family but said first and foremost she wants to be beside me and would honor any decision I made. Yeah, thanks
So if you were me...
I just don't get it !
The OP started a thread about he wants to be buried and most of the posters chime in with talk of cremation and spreading of ashes.
Why ?
I'll bet if some one started a thread that they wanted to be cremated , hardly anyone would tell them that they shouldn't.
I fail to see the OP asking if he should be cremated.
He was asking for advice on where to be buried.
You have absolutely no obligation to use either family's existing plots, despite what you might say today. People change their burial arrangements all the time, based on life changes, belief changes, and other things. There's really no reason to let this cause stress for you or the mother in law. Tell her that's great and then worry about it later. Or tell them you are both being scattered (but be careful with that one, because that one sometimes sets off people who want a traditional burial).
There are so many things that change over the course of a lifetime, that it's not worth worrying about this type of thing.
You have absolutely no obligation to use either family's existing plots,despite what you might say today. People change their burial arrangements all the time, based on life changes, belief changes, and other things. There's really no reason to let this cause stress for you or the mother in law. Tell her that's great and then worry about it later. Or tell them you are both being scattered (but be careful with that one, because that one sometimes sets off people who want a traditional burial).
There are so many things that change over the course of a lifetime, that it's not worth worrying about this type of thing.
Another thing about buying "family plots" for future children and their spouses is that, depending on the cemetery & the layout, sometimes they can not be resold and then they just lay vacant. It also seems rather presumptuous of the parents, "Of course, you want to be buried with us, and of course your spouse will want that, too. Sorry, but if you have children there isn't any room for them."
For those who are married, do you intend to be buried in your family's graveyard or your wife/husband's family's graveyard?
Well my MIL went out and bought my wife and I lots beside her. I guess she's of the age when she is thinking of such things.
Long story short. My wife goes to the same church as her parents and is very religious. The lots are in this church's cemetery in the next town over. About a twenty minute drive from here. This is also her home town.
Now unbeknownst to MIL, my parents bought a clan of lots two decades ago not only for me but for any wife and children I might have. My parents are real religious if that makes a difference. I however am the only one not in any way religious if THAT makes a difference. Well this cemetery has relatives back to the mid 1800s. That and it is on a hill with a bunch of old trees as opposed to MIL's flat soccer field setup.
At first I felt like I didn't give two tiddlies where I was buried but now I really feel the intense urge to be buried at home.
I thought it was tradition the woman be buried with the man's family? I dunno but I would think that the case.
My wife is a lot closer to my family than I am to hers. We also reside in my home town. That being said, she is a lot closer to her family than I am to mine Don't get me wrong, we're close but not lovie dovie huggy kissy close like her's is.
She wants to be buried with her family but said first and foremost she wants to be beside me and would honor any decision I made. Yeah, thanks
So if you were me...
I decided I would be creamated..Half of my ashes will go in my family plot in New Orleans and the other half to m wife's family plot in PA..simple enough
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Don't get me wrong, we're close but not lovie dovie huggy kissy close like her's is. 
