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Old 12-09-2011, 09:46 AM
 
1,809 posts, read 3,103,150 times
Reputation: 1989

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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Some of you people are so damn naive... And trust me, "naive" is a nice euphemism here... I kind of believed in this fairy tale till some time in my early 20's. A "friend" I had from friggin' kindergarten eventually made a pass. A friend I knew and whose advances I'd turned down at the time married another friend of mine and we were friends (sometimes I was in a relationship; sometimes I wasn't) for many years until he also made a pass. It happens ALWAYS! ALWAYS! It may take years and decades, it may be just once, but it does, and some tension is always there! ALWAYS! Don’t fool yourselves!
Fair enough. But many (most? all?) men are biologically wired not to give sex all the weight and importance most of us women give it. Which may mean that yes, they may make passes at women if they think, mistakenly or not, that there's some remote chance of success, or they would have sex with 95% of their female friends, but it's not even vaguely important to them. So (unless they fall in love, which complicates matters) they're perfectly able get over it and just be friends, if they're interested in having such a relationship. If they're not, obviously they won't.

And I don't know about their tension towards me or the other females (how zoological it sounds right now lol) in our group, but I have no tension whatsoever towards any of them, believe me!
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Old 12-09-2011, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Houston, Tx
8,260 posts, read 9,528,953 times
Reputation: 8198
Quote:
Originally Posted by cletus awreetus-awrightus View Post
everyone is different. I have a lot of female friends, and i'd probably sleep with 90% of them.

Do they know this? No.

Have they ever asked? No.

I will say that some women are easy to be friends with, because they hold up their end of the friendship. There is a palatable sense of being "buddies", and so sex isn't an issue. I think even if there's attraction, this sort of friendship can last because it is mutually beneficial.

Other women are difficult to be friends with, because they don't differentiate between the expectations they have for male friends, and boyfriends. they are sort of like girlfriends you don't have sex with, a.k.a., a pain in the ass, who demand an unwarranted amount of your attention and time. these friendships typically end -- either by becoming sexual, or by becoming too much of a hassle.
lol!
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Old 12-09-2011, 10:18 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 78,874,027 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cindy_Jole View Post
I believe so. Far more of my guy friends have not asked me out compared to those who did
It's not about asking out... It's about a "moment" that comes up - be it because of some crying on each other's shoulders, because of too much drinking, a combination of both, sudden bravery, or whatever it happens to be.
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Old 12-09-2011, 10:24 AM
 
25,740 posts, read 25,280,413 times
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For whatever reason, I tend to occasionally harmlessly flirt with any male friends. It's hard to explain...just teasing, I guess. I think it's just how I relate to men, somehow -- not constantly (blugh) and not simpering but it's there, once in a while.

It doesn't mean I want to sleep with them (far from it) but I love to laugh and I love to swap joking style/dry comments and I am 98% sure that comes across as flirting. But obviously not so much so that my male friends think I'm coming on, or something.

I do know it doesn't mean I want to sleep with them.
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Old 12-09-2011, 10:25 AM
 
25,740 posts, read 25,280,413 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
It's not about asking out... It's about a "moment" that comes up - be it because of some crying on each other's shoulders, because of too much drinking, a combination of both, sudden bravery, or whatever it happens to be.
(bolding mine) Ohhhhhhhhhhh Sierra, Sierra. Leaving yourself wide-open for a whole chain of middle school style replies here!

Sorry...carry on...
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Old 12-09-2011, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 78,874,027 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
(bolding mine) Ohhhhhhhhhhh Sierra, Sierra. Leaving yourself wide-open for a whole chain of middle school style replies here!

Sorry...carry on...
I guess more than a "moment" comes up.
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Old 12-09-2011, 10:43 AM
 
1,809 posts, read 3,103,150 times
Reputation: 1989
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cletus Awreetus-Awrightus View Post
everyone is different. i have a lot of female friends, and i'd probably sleep with 90% of them.

do they know this? no.

have they ever asked? no.

i will say that some women are easy to be friends with, because they hold up their end of the friendship. There is a palatable sense of being "buddies", and so sex isn't an issue. i think even if there's attraction, this sort of friendship can last because it is mutually beneficial.

Other women are difficult to be friends with, because they don't differentiate between the expectations they have for male friends, and boyfriends. They are sort of like girlfriends you don't have sex with, A.K.A., a pain in the ass, who demand an unwarranted amount of your attention and time. These friendships typically end -- either by becoming sexual, or by becoming too much of a hassle.
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Old 12-09-2011, 10:55 AM
 
25,740 posts, read 25,280,413 times
Reputation: 24333
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
I guess more than a "moment" comes up.
It better be more than a moment or else somebody's gettin' gypped!! So not worth the trouble in that case.
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Old 12-09-2011, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 78,874,027 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
It better be more than a moment or else somebody's gettin' gypped!! So not worth the trouble in that case.
Joke aside, maintaining such "friendships" is just frustrating and uncomfortable... I'm struggling with something like this right now. It was OK (still often uncomfortable) in the past as he was married and I was (sometimes ) married. Now his wife passed away and I'd like to and do offer friendship and support, but it's clearly not working because he has different expectations, and it's tiring...
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Old 12-09-2011, 11:02 AM
 
7,329 posts, read 11,492,767 times
Reputation: 8111
After a woman has rejected you, and you have gotten over her, there is a pretty good potential for a good friendship.

Sad, but true...
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