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Old 06-12-2012, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
5,517 posts, read 8,992,553 times
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Men can only be interested in a woman as friends in the following scenarios

1. They knew the woman from childhood
2. They were in a long term relationship with them at some point, and the "romantic" feelings have went away, but there are still parts of the "friendship" that remain
3. They work with them (this is usually only very casual if there is no "romantic" interest)
4. The woman is insanely unattractive in every way (This is an extreme rarity. Almost never will a guy even approach or associate with a girl he has no attraction to, and no other connection to)
5. They are an "associated friend" such as, they are a friend of their wife/girlfriend/sister, etc, and became a "friend" by extension.
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Old 06-12-2012, 10:11 AM
 
Location: Oxford, England
13,036 posts, read 21,970,805 times
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Yes. Of Course. I get on with men far better than I do with women on the whole. It does not mean I want to sleep with my male friends.
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Old 06-12-2012, 10:38 AM
 
322 posts, read 443,958 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hatgirl007 View Post
As I get older I wonder if it is possible for people of the opposite sex to be friends. I've had situations where no romantic interest is there but we have common interests, enjoy each others company, and are really cool when we talk yet the guys seems to "act funny."
Let me specify, I'm not one of those gold-diggers who comes up with this title of "friend" which means we hang out, with no interest in each other romantically/physically, but expect a man to pay for me like we're on a date.

What's the deal? How does a guy call/talk to you, have conversation with you, and then act strange when it comes to hanging out? I've put it out there jokingly that I'm available to hang out and I'm a dutch girl with two guys that I know. Is it a regional thing meaning some cultures don't really view women as equals, i.e. we are only slay worthy, and if that's not on the table then they act strange or aren't interested in being friends? Is it an individual situation? What are your thoughts?

I want to be fair but I've worked and met men from elsewhere and we've been great friends. We have double dating, hung out at night with/without dates, and had road trips with friends and its all good.

Give me your thoughts?
I do believe that men and women can have friendships to a degree. I myself associate with women; some of whom I do consider to be good friends. However, we are friends in the sense that we grew up together and managed to stay in touch throughout college and our adult lives to a certain extent.

With that said, friendships between men and women come with certain caveats. I do not believe that men and women can have the types of friendships that I’ve seen some women try to establish with guys they are not romantically interested in. To be blunt about it, women should probably get used to the idea that it is going to be very difficult for them to find male friends who’d be eager to hangout, talk on the phone, come over watch a movie, go out to dinner; or any similar activities on a regular basis. It just doesn’t happen.

One reason is that men generally enjoy being in the company of women they are attracted to. Having similar interests helps but does not hold as much value in the beginning stages of a budding friendship. In a relationship like this (where a man and woman are hanging out like buddies), the woman (at least non-verbally) has to indicate that she really enjoys the man’s company. Problems start to creep in once the guy starts to feel that this friendship has no chance of becoming anything more. Once that determination is made, the buddy-buddy relationship that you’re seeking is pretty much doomed. There will be a noticeable drop off in interest to do all of those great activities that platonic friends like to engage in. Movie and dinner dates will dwindle down to nothing. The 2 hour phone conversations about how your day went won’t happen as often. You see what I’m getting at?

I’m not saying that he won’t still consider you a friend, because I’m sure he will. I’m just saying that the type of “friends” that some women seem to want with guys that they have no romantic interest in probably won’t be in the cards. It may seem crass, shallow or whatever other derogatory description you can attach to it…but guys generally only hang out with women because they are in some way attracted to them. Once it is clear that the attraction is a one way street, I can assure you that most guys will not spend the time necessary to cultivate any sort of platonic “friendship”. If you cross paths, he may sit down for lunch, ask about your family, or come over for a get together that you may be having. But, the days when the two of you were hang out partners will be a distant memory.
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Old 06-12-2012, 10:56 AM
 
Location: NY
9,070 posts, read 14,959,334 times
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Yes they can be friends. Sometimes just being friends is not going to be possible, but in general a lot of people have opposite sex friends where there is no romantic desires or tensions between them
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Old 06-12-2012, 11:14 AM
 
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
5,517 posts, read 8,992,553 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer View Post
Yes. Of Course. I get on with men far better than I do with women on the whole. It does not mean I want to sleep with my male friends.

Its generally not an issue with women.
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Old 06-12-2012, 11:31 AM
 
Location: Canada
9,039 posts, read 8,283,809 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EHCT View Post
I do believe that men and women can have friendships to a degree. I myself associate with women; some of whom I do consider to be good friends. However, we are friends in the sense that we grew up together and managed to stay in touch throughout college and our adult lives to a certain extent.

...

To be blunt about it, women should probably get used to the idea that it is going to be very difficult for them to find male friends who’d be eager to hangout, talk on the phone, come over watch a movie, go out to dinner; or any similar activities on a regular basis. It just doesn’t happen.

I copied a couple of parts of your post here. I keep coming back to my SO and a friend of his. They're both 40, never married, known each other since they were about 20. He told me that he was her backup for when she needed a date for a wedding or funeral or other social gathering. She called him if she needed something fixed around the house. They took a weekend trip together a few years ago when they were both between relationships.

Despite having a BF over this past year, she's made comments several times about how she never sees SO anymore. She and her BF just recently broke up and now she's wanting to cry on SO's shoulder. He's a really good person, and would listen to her, but she doesn't seem to get that it's not the same as it used to be. She's used to SO being available to her whenever she needs him, because up until our relationship, he almost always was available.

But people's lives change and priorities change, and while he would never just ignore or abandon a friend, regardless of gender, he is not the support system for her that she wants him to be, and part of that is because of the relationship he's in with me. He puts me first, because I'm the person he wants to share his life with, so he's not going to make her needs/whims a priority over me. He's not going to hang out with her and watch movies or take trips together. That's the type of thing that goes on in our LTR. He doesn't reach out to her, whereas it seems every little thing that crosses her mind, she has to text him about.

It made me insecure for a while, but fortunately my SO is a good man who shows me daily, through his actions, where his priorities lie, so I really don't need to be insecure just because he has a female friend. But sometimes it isn't easy because they have a long history together, but I'm the one he wants to share his life with. It can't be easy for her because she's used to more, and it is an odd coincidence they're both the same age, never married, no kids, so he's always been that guy she could turn to. But age, life circumstances and other relationships can and do play a part in how people can be or remain friends with those of the opposite sex.
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Old 06-12-2012, 04:56 PM
 
Location: GA
1,241 posts, read 1,592,697 times
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[quote=EHCT;24710351]
With that said, friendships between men and women come with certain caveats.
One reason is that men generally enjoy being in the company of women they are attracted to. Having similar interests helps but does not hold as much value in the beginning stages of a budding friendship.
I’m not saying that he won’t still consider you a friend, because I’m sure he will. I’m just saying that the type of “friends” that some women seem to want with guys that they have no romantic interest in probably won’t be in the cards.

Thank you for the insight. I wondered with this person why they would talk to me all the way home and we have great conversation but then when I say "hey, we should have talked over cocktails" it never seems to happen. He gives me compliments every now and then about my appearance that sounds sweet but again.....we can never hang out. We lost touch for a while so I asked if he had a girlfriend when we first got back in touch. (I don't care, I just wanted to know if he's able to hang out sometimes.) . I've left a message advising him(in a joking way) that I don't expect him to pay for me when we hang out because I don't. I thought that might have been an unspoken issue. He's invited me to hang out late night at clubs and invited me over to hang out at his spot. The situation is just a little frustrating. I have other male friends where things go so smoothly.
One of my guy friends might call me and say....hey, what are the doing tonight? ...come watch the fight/game with me at xyz.

I might text my other friend and say I want to catch this movie, are you game? I might get a text like: yeah, what time and where. They say cool and they will meet me after work.
My point. The interaction is sssssoooo simple. If my friends have plans or dates they will just say, "I have plans tonight." I understand that and I'm cool with that.

This guy I just don't understand.Am I missing something? Is he being weird because he likes me or is he not used to a woman being cool? I just don't know.
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Old 06-13-2012, 08:24 AM
 
12,050 posts, read 11,109,050 times
Reputation: 9999
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomdude View Post
Men can only be interested in a woman as friends in the following scenarios

1. They knew the woman from childhood
2. They were in a long term relationship with them at some point, and the "romantic" feelings have went away, but there are still parts of the "friendship" that remain
3. They work with them (this is usually only very casual if there is no "romantic" interest)
4. The woman is insanely unattractive in every way (This is an extreme rarity. Almost never will a guy even approach or associate with a girl he has no attraction to, and no other connection to)
5. They are an "associated friend" such as, they are a friend of their wife/girlfriend/sister, etc, and became a "friend" by extension.
I'm sure there are other scenarios, but this list is pretty comprehensive. With this list, there are a *lot* of opportunities for men and women to be friends. I've met most of my girl "friends" through work. As a happily married guy, I have not pursued women at work romantically, but there are some I probably would have had the circumstances been different. We still had great friendships. I also have been friends with extremely unattractive girls ... that's cool.
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:30 PM
 
Location: Chicago
3,569 posts, read 5,998,989 times
Reputation: 2577
Not if your testosterone is still being pumped.

aka guys under 40
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Old 06-14-2012, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Emerald Coast, FL
5,301 posts, read 8,311,926 times
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Sometimes, even if we've previously dated and had sex. It really depends on too many factors to give a definitive answer, but in general I know that it's possible based on past and present experience.
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