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Old 01-06-2014, 01:38 AM
 
35,095 posts, read 50,961,628 times
Reputation: 62660

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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Thanks for the good laugh!

But, you do know that when it involves family it is a much more difficult situation. However, I do agree with you, just say "No!"

How difficult is it to say NO? One very small word, two little letters. Saying no is not the part that is difficult for most people, it is who they are saying no to because they allow someone to make them feel guilty and that is their own choice to feel guilty about saying no.
If she would quit allowing the guilt, manipulation and disregard for her financial well being she would not have the issues she is having with any of this mess.

Someone in that family needs to actually mature and be the parent or guardian or something remotely close to responsible.
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Old 01-06-2014, 06:24 AM
 
Location: usa
890 posts, read 1,642,573 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell View Post
What does your mother do for a living? Her problem may be a lack of income. Perhaps she should look for a better job.
I agree with you, but we live in a small town. Good paying jobs are hard to come by if you only have a high school diploma. I was a first generation college student. She always made excuses as to why she would not go to college. The main thing being because she opted to take care of me instead. I told her no anyway.
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Old 01-06-2014, 06:29 AM
 
26,142 posts, read 31,084,990 times
Reputation: 27235
Quote:
Originally Posted by futureATLien View Post
I agree with you, but we live in a small town. Good paying jobs are hard to come by if you only have a high school diploma. I was a first generation college student. She always made excuses as to why she would not go to college. The main thing being because she opted to take care of me instead. I told her no anyway.
My mother went back to high school and college after having all of us children and working side by side with my father to build a multi million dollar company and ended up in a high paying job in the legal profession. She still cooked and took care of all of us. Who knows what does and doesn't motivate people.

As a result of this type of motivation and work ethic, on both their parts, my older brother and I both worked and put ourselves through school. I moved out when I was 18 with no financial assistance from my parents and I went to school full time and had 3 jobs at the same time. I just crammed all my classes into two days and went to school from 8 a.m. to 11 p.m. at night so I could work the other days and weekends. Anything is doable if you want it bad enough.

It would seem your mom is just on the 'lazy' side because she's figured out a way to have everyone else take care of her and clean up her mess. If she had been left to her own devices years ago she might have turned out different.
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Old 01-06-2014, 06:40 AM
 
26,142 posts, read 31,084,990 times
Reputation: 27235
I have to ask and wonder - what was her own mother like?
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Old 01-06-2014, 06:44 AM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
9,053 posts, read 17,110,096 times
Reputation: 15226
Quote:
Originally Posted by futureATLien View Post
I agree with you, but we live in a small town. Good paying jobs are hard to come by if you only have a high school diploma. I was a first generation college student. She always made excuses as to why she would not go to college. The main thing being because she opted to take care of me instead. I told her no anyway.
I am guessing the bolded part is the guilt trip. That's BS. She doesn't have the education because she didn't want the bother - not because of you.
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Old 01-06-2014, 06:45 AM
 
Location: usa
890 posts, read 1,642,573 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
My mother went back to high school and college after having all of us children and working side by side with my father to build a multi million dollar company and ended up in a high paying job in the legal profession. She still cooked and took care of all of us. Who knows what does and doesn't motivate people.

As a result of this type of motivation and work ethic, on both their parts, my older brother and I both worked and put ourselves through school. I moved out when I was 18 with no financial assistance from my parents and I went to school full time and had 3 jobs at the same time. I just crammed all my classes into two days and went to school from 8 a.m. to 11 p.m. at night so I could work the other days and weekends. Anything is doable if you want it bad enough.

It would seem your mom is just on the 'lazy' side because she's figured out a way to have everyone else take care of her and clean up her mess. If she had been left to her own devices years ago she might have turned out different.
Yes, I agree. I went college with people who were her age and older, some even brought their kids to class if they didn't have a baby sitter. I'm getting a new bank account, hopefully that resolves the issue.
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Old 01-06-2014, 06:47 AM
 
Location: usa
890 posts, read 1,642,573 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
I have to ask and wonder - what was her own mother like?
I'm not aware of my grandmother's finances. I've only gave my grandparents money once. My grandfather seems to take care of things pretty well.
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Old 01-06-2014, 07:22 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
7,214 posts, read 9,352,380 times
Reputation: 7802
I wouldn't be surprised if there are some addiction issues at play here that are draining their finances. Then again, eating out multiple times a week can add up very quickly.

Have you thought about writing them a short email or letter, and simply say, "I love you guys and appreciate things can get tight some times. I am saving up for grad school and my own finances are very limited. Please don't ask me for any more money, as I simply don't have any extra available." Then leave it at that. If they ever ask again, just say, "You know I can't afford it," and change the subject or hang up the phone.
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Old 01-06-2014, 07:26 AM
 
Location: Area 51.5
13,887 posts, read 13,604,670 times
Reputation: 9170
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amisi View Post
I hate when people give "advice" like this. If someone is deadazz broke, what makes you think they can afford a "financial planner" or "financial firm"????? And no one else should have to pay for this!


All a financial planner can do is to show you what you already KNOW you should be doing but you're NOT doing because you lack the discipline to do it.
I agree. Useless advice.

JUST.....SAY.....NO!

PERIOD!

If you can't say no, it's your problem. If your sister can't say no, it's her problem.

NO is an easy word. Use it.
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Old 01-06-2014, 07:45 AM
 
26,142 posts, read 31,084,990 times
Reputation: 27235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dale Cooper View Post
I agree. Useless advice.

JUST.....SAY.....NO!

PERIOD!

If you can't say no, it's your problem. If your sister can't say no, it's her problem.

NO is an easy word. Use it.
Apparently, you can't read either or have knowledge of services available for people.

It was also suggested as something she could do in lieu of providing anymore money if she felt inclined to 'help' her from some sort of guilt. Provide the information once and be done with it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
Before you jump on me and bite my head off - there are firms which are non-profit to help people with credit card debt. They actually take your credit cards, negotiate with the credit card firms to reduce the debt and interest and often consolidate and then she would make weekly or monthly payments to the non profit agency instead of to the credit card company. You just need to do a little homework to find them which is easily done on the internet and I would suggest a local one in her area. They also have contractual rules about obtaining any more credit cards during this process too and 'holds' on a person's credit so they can't just go out and obtain more cards during this process. They also provide financial counseling for all other areas to reduce the likelihood of this happening again.

When I was at my former job I had an account with a Credit Union and they would consolidate your credit cards and take them and you just made payments to them. It was much easier to get a consolidation loan with them than a bank.

So, there are options which are FREE. So, just calm down.
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