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I am an anti-social person, need a lot of space and enjoy doing a lot of things on my own. I didn't use to be like this, but for whatever reason this has become my way of life. The thing is that I pretend to have a social life so that my work colleagues don't think I'm strange, because I don't conform with society. I lie about what I do in my spare time, make things up, tell them past experiences and pretend they are present, anything to keep them from guessing that basically I like to spend time on my own and don't see friends. They know I don't have a partner and will think this strange too I'm sure. I used to be quite gregarious at work a few years ago, but I am quieter now and can only be fun and friendly with people I really feel comfortable with. I have a lot of interests, but they are mainly singular. I do have a couple of friends, but I don't see them much. People want to be my friend, but I don't let them.
It is taking over my life, the lying is becoming second nature and I find that I will lie about even small things now. It is very draining trying to think up a social life and not be myself around people.
A friend recently got in touch that I have been emailing a few times, which I have enjoyed, but they have asked to see me and I keep giving excuses why I can't. It seems I want the social interaction without the stress of socialising in real life. I want to change my life. I hate the fact that I lie and would like to be able to have relationships with people, even a partner, but just the thought of it fills me with dread, I think it is because I don't trust people, I don't know how to change this. I would like to be 'normal'. Does anyone have any similar experience or can anyone help me, unfortunately this is true and not made up for the benefit of this forum!!
Why would you need to tell your work colleagues anything at all? This has never come up anyplace where I've worked. As to your e-friend wanting to see you, why not see them for lunch or coffee?
If you have social anxiety, or some other issue that prevents you from socializing (it sounds like you do), there are therapists out there who specialize in treating that. Sometimes it can be a simple case of taking a medication.
I'm a very reclusive person, I enjoy and need time alone, I crave it!... Everyone different , yes I'm married with kids, my husband understand my need to be alone,I'm not going anywhere, just a day alone at home to do whatever or nothing, so it doesn't bother him...
Why would you need to tell your work colleagues anything at all? This has never come up anyplace where I've worked. As to your e-friend wanting to see you, why not see them for lunch or coffee?
If you have social anxiety, or some other issue that prevents you from socializing (it sounds like you do), there are therapists out there who specialize in treating that. Sometimes it can be a simple case of taking a medication.
We work in a small office and everyone discusses what they did at the weekend etc.
I lie to my email friend too and the thought of having to make up more stories and on the spot is just a continuation of what I already do and I don't want it anymore. I never used to be like this, but I can tell it is getting worse. Maybe I do have social anxiety, I know that I make people uncomfortable, probably because I find many social situations uncomfortable too!
Your problem isn't so much social anxiety but worrying too much about what people think. Do you care about what they do in their free time? NO? They don't care about you either. You are not the center of everyone else's universe.
Learn to enjoy your own company. Go places and do things on your own. Love yourself. And please STOP LYING.
We work in a small office and everyone discusses what they did at the weekend etc.
I lie to my email friend too and the thought of having to make up more stories and on the spot is just a continuation of what I already do and I don't want it anymore. I never used to be like this, but I can tell it is getting worse. Maybe I do have social anxiety, I know that I make people uncomfortable, probably because I find many social situations uncomfortable too!
Do people really do anything noteworthy on their weekends, anyway? I've worked in small offices, and this topic rarely came up. And those who had nothing to contribute simply didn't participate. Have you thought about simply remaining silent? Or just chiming in occasionally to say, "Hey, that sounds great!"
Your problem isn't so much social anxiety but worrying too much about what people think. Do you care about what they do in their free time? NO? They don't care about you either. You are not the center of everyone else's universe.
Learn to enjoy your own company. Go places and do things on your own. Love yourself. And please STOP LYING.
I think this is part and parcel of having SA actually.
To the OP, my advice is to take a risk and spend time with people who ask you (unless you really don't like them).
What's the worst that can happen and how is it any worse than the current situation?
I hate people asking me about weekends because mine aren't usually very interesting, but I think there are ways to respond that 'save face' in a way, without outright lying..eg saying vague things like yeah it was really relaxing or whatever and then asking them about their weekend to deflect the attention off yourself.
It's all very well to say not to care what people think, but obviously you do care atm, maybe at some point you won't as much.
I have no interest in making friends anymore,my husband is enough company for me. Friends can be a real pain in the butt anymore. The question is, are you happy as a recluse or are you lonely & unhappy? If the later is true, you may want to seek counseling. Cognitive therapy really helped me in the past.
I suggest you find yourself a professional to talk with. Your lying is covering up a much deeper issue.
A lot of the time it is a much simpler issue than you'd think. Address this NOW. Don't wait until you are forty and this manifests itself into something deeper.
Do you care about what they do in their free time? NO? They don't care about you either
I agree with that. I know that I personally don't care (or it at least wouldn't bother me or affect my opinion of anyone) if they are social in their free time.
I would however think that someone is strange if I found out they were lying to me about how social they are. Let them low who you really are, it'll make for a better, more genuine relationship. People don't care that yo aren't social, they do care if you lie.
Best of luck.
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