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Old 01-05-2014, 10:59 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,017 posts, read 1,725,293 times
Reputation: 1534

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Quote:
Originally Posted by StabbyAbby View Post
I used to think that it was possible for men and women to be just friends but I no longer truly believe that.

Almost every one of my straight male "friends":

A) have disappeared after I have made it clear that I am not interested in them.

B) Has become irrationally angry and jealous when I became involved with someone else and who have the nerve to verbally attack me for "friend zoning" them. I was never interested in them in the first place!

C) Has made inappropriate sexual advances towards me, like making sexual innuendo in conversation clearly directed towards me.

I would prefer it if men who were interested in me sexually/romantically approached me directly, so that I can filter them out more effectively. I don't like people who play stupid mind games.

I'm sick of these male "friends" who are just waiting around, biding their time until I give in and agree to have sex with them. It's disgusting, pathetic, sneaky and manipulative behaviour and it will never convince me to have sex. Those aren't friends, they're vultures. I am so sick of having men I thought I could trust coming onto me. It's no wonder that I feel more safe around gay men and women.

I have never given mixed signals. I am not a touchy-feely, flirty kind of woman. I dress plainly. I take care of my appearance but I'm quite average looking. I have always made it clear that I don't want anything beyond friendship but most of my male "friends" just didn't listen.

Why can't people just be honest about their feelings? If you have feelings for a single woman, tell her so that she can make an informed decision. What gives? Is this the new dating strategy for men?
Works both ways. Believe me.

If there is some level of romantic attraction on either or both ends, some sexual tension will present itself. Just takes two honest, mature people to get past that.

 
Old 01-05-2014, 11:22 AM
 
25,953 posts, read 26,683,442 times
Reputation: 26711
Quote:
Originally Posted by G-fused View Post
Glad someone else was thinking that.

It's not just maturity level, or at least maturity doesn't explain 100% of it. It does happen more with lesser aged men but not because older men want sex less or are more mature really. It's more that older men are in different situations than younger men and do things differently.

Some people have said it's maturity, it's not. Maturity and age will curtail it but the scenario still happens across all ages and maturity levels.

Sorry OP but sadly, men like women and do different things to try to get romantic with them. We are more sexual beasts, women have the upper hand. Don't be upset about our methods, believe me, we are much more tortured than you are. Take your level of dissatisfaction and frustration and multiply it about 5 fold. Then you may approach knowing how we feel.
Age does not always dictate maturity. They are two different things.
 
Old 01-05-2014, 01:04 PM
 
2,963 posts, read 2,732,016 times
Reputation: 6561
A few more clips that illustrate well the dilemma of what can happen over time under varying circumstances with "Friends".
Man feelings for Woman


Chasing Amy (7/12) Movie CLIP - In Love With Alyssa (1997) HD - YouTube

Woman feelings for Man


Christian Bale - "Laurel Canyon" car scene (Italian subbed) - YouTube

Something else to think about.
The irony I find from historical perspective, is that dating (as we currently know of it in most western societies) is a fairly new 'concept' for only the last five to seven generations in western society.

I gather a large segment of people would find more comfort in older style courtship. Rather than trying to interpret so many nuanced variables of social interaction when someone has an interest in them or vice versa.

Courtship - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Cultural mores have evolved. About 30-60 years ago most 'dating' originated in social gatherings within peer groups and there was an ability to observe others of the opposite gender in various environments. So, an individual could see (over time) if there was a member of the opposite sex one found not just attractive, but which held redeeming character qualities for long term mate/ relationship.

Why females are experiencing more of this angst over 'trying to have male friends' - is:
1) that it is much more difficult for either gender to observe the basic character qualities over time in various environments due to decline in socialization habits from newer technological communication mediums - thus, when an individual does express interest it is more tenuous as to the purpose and method of how and what one's intentions are.

Think of it like when a child is forced to stand and deliver some sort of presentation to a large audience or the uncertainty most face at public speaking. It often takes on that same level of abruptness. There is no gradual easing. It is analogous to that phenomenon most can probably recall of when first meeting other youth the first time how it takes time to 'warm up to each other' and then just when the play becomes fun and everyone's comfortable it was time to go home.

And 2) due to unrealistic mass media conditioning. It seems they want their very own 'meet cute' story to reminisce over (Rom-Com Serendipity like). It would be funny if we had time machines to [for laughs] drop some of these types off a few centuries ago into arranged marriages, long proscribed mating rituals or even bond servant type relationships. Then maybe they wouldn't opine so much.
 
Old 01-05-2014, 01:33 PM
 
Location: Monnem Germany/ from San Diego
2,263 posts, read 2,455,119 times
Reputation: 4700
I guess I was friend zoned (was not a word yet) by my late wife for many years. Yeah I wanted more and got shut down. We hung out, had other relationships, windsurfed together, she crewed for me in races on my boat, ate Shrooms in the desert together, drank too much and fooled round together. Stayed friends, I was always in love with her. I got married, moved to another continent, got divorced 9 years later.

We stayed in contact and ended up getting back together when I was visiting my mom. She asked me if I would propose to her- we married 3 days later. I went back and started to make plans for her to move to Europe. She died unfortunately and unexpectedly 5 weeks later before that could happen.

ya just never know where it will end.
 
Old 01-05-2014, 03:27 PM
 
25,953 posts, read 26,683,442 times
Reputation: 26711
To the chicken who left a detailed rep without their name and should have been a post in here, maybe you should have continued reading the whole thread before knee-jerking a rant in my reps.

You may not have left your name - but a moderator can see who left the rep anyway and one will be contacting you.

Last edited by Thursday007; 01-05-2014 at 03:55 PM..
 
Old 01-05-2014, 03:28 PM
 
5,321 posts, read 5,269,909 times
Reputation: 12475
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
Age does not always dictate maturity. They are two different things.
I thought that was obvious in my post. Did you not see where I made the distinction? Hint: look for conjunctions.

I saw your replies, I think you are naive. That's not meant to be offensive. While some men do have lesser desires towards some women (for example, a recently married 20 something may be less attracted to a 58 yr old obese woman), in a more normal scenario a man would have relations with a woman that was a strictly platonic friend if that platonic friend propositioned him and it's pretty much a definite that he's at least given thought to it (not so the other way around). He just hasn't acted on it because of circumstances (woman is married, his boss, etc.).

We can control ourselves better (frontal lobes are more developed and all), which is where the maturity thing fits in, but we still want the sex.

Anywhoo, best of luck with your male friends (who would all likely have sex with you and have thought about it, don't let that disturb you).

Believe me, I know of what I speak. I'm a guy, I'm intelligent, and have been around. I know you may think something like "this guy doesn't know anything. My male friends are mature and not like that. They're married with kids and our relationship is nothing like that and they don't think those things, that would be ridiculous". If you think that than all I can offer you is that you are wrong. Doesn't make them bad people, makes them normal.

Best of luck.
 
Old 01-05-2014, 03:36 PM
 
25,953 posts, read 26,683,442 times
Reputation: 26711
Sorry I'm not wrong and you are simply narrow minded if you think everyone should think like you. I'm not saying it's possible with everyone and they are not friendships for everyone.

But, when you are friends with a member of the opposite sex and know their significant others or wives and both have admitted even discussing anything sexual would be akin to incest and the friendship has survived years. All I can say is you are wrong - best of luck.

I am content in the knowledge the male friends I have are just that.
 
Old 01-05-2014, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
12,087 posts, read 12,408,399 times
Reputation: 19035
Quote:
Originally Posted by jim9251 View Post
I'm a straight guy and have several woman friends. I have zero interest in having sex or romance with them. One girl is just about my best buddy too. I dunno, maturity perhaps?
You show good taste in your women friends. There are a lot of women out there who like to play the queen bee with a bunch of drones around. They string them on with sexual displays, but have no intention of actually developing an adult relationship.

It is indeed possible to have a great friendship between a man and an woman, but it takes an emotionally healthy woman to have it happen.
 
Old 01-05-2014, 03:46 PM
 
25,953 posts, read 26,683,442 times
Reputation: 26711
Quote:
Originally Posted by G-fused View Post
I thought that was obvious in my post. Did you not see where I made the distinction? Hint: look for conjunctions.

I saw your replies, I think you are naive. That's not meant to be offensive. While some men do have lesser desires towards some women (for example, a recently married 20 something may be less attracted to a 58 yr old obese woman), in a more normal scenario a man would have relations with a woman that was a strictly platonic friend if that platonic friend propositioned him and it's pretty much a definite that he's at least given thought to it (not so the other way around). He just hasn't acted on it because of circumstances (woman is married, his boss, etc.).

We can control ourselves better (frontal lobes are more developed and all), which is where the maturity thing fits in, but we still want the sex.

Anywhoo, best of luck with your male friends (who would all likely have sex with you and have thought about it, don't let that disturb you).

Believe me, I know of what I speak. I'm a guy, I'm intelligent, and have been around. I know you may think something like "this guy doesn't know anything. My male friends are mature and not like that. They're married with kids and our relationship is nothing like that and they don't think those things, that would be ridiculous". If you think that than all I can offer you is that you are wrong. Doesn't make them bad people, makes them normal.

Best of luck.
So you're a guy, you think you are intelligent and you've been around - well so are a lot of people. It doesn't make your opinion fact by any stretch. You can only speak for yourself and not everyone.

Is he wrong too and the multitude of other men who have posted the same thing on the subject in other threads?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jim9251 View Post
I'm a straight guy and have several woman friends. I have zero interest in having sex or romance with them. One girl is just about my best buddy too. I dunno, maturity perhaps?
 
Old 01-05-2014, 03:55 PM
 
Location: FLG/PHX/MKE
7,288 posts, read 13,448,128 times
Reputation: 11575
Quote:
Originally Posted by StabbyAbby View Post
I used to think that it was possible for men and women to be just friends but I no longer truly believe that.

Almost every one of my straight male "friends":...

[omitted the standard blah blah they're all defective and I'm totally normal text]

I would prefer it if men who were interested in me sexually/romantically approached me directly, so that I can filter them out more effectively. I don't like people who play stupid mind games.
If you would prefer it if men would be direct, and you keep getting snarled in the same situation, then the problem is either something you are doing, or the men with whom you are associating have conspired against you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by StabbyAbby View Post
It's disgusting, pathetic, sneaky and manipulative behaviour and it will never convince me to have sex. Those aren't friends, they're vultures. I am so sick of having men I thought I could trust coming onto me. It's no wonder that I feel more safe around gay men and women.
Yawn. Poor innocent bystander repeatedly "victimized" by big bad mean male friends who wanted to be romantically involved.

Quote:
Originally Posted by StabbyAbby View Post
I have never given mixed signals.
That statement is based on feedback from the problematic men, right?
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