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My parents were married for many years but things were never good. They always fighted a lot, my father had several affairs and they couldn't agree on anything regarding finances.
I'm 22 and I have two elder brothers aged 31 and 30. They always said my parents didn't get along well for as long as they have memory. They say they remember being 4 or 5 years old and they were already sleeping in separate bedrooms.
That raised a big interrogation mark in my head about my paternity. I came around long after things started going south from what you see but I had to come out of somewhere.
My mother can't even imagine I have such question in my mind. She has always been a loving mother and would be extremely hurt. I could ask my father but he has a very difficult demeanour and I don't know how he would react.
Even if he accepted to have a paternity test done, my mother would be very upset if she ever found out.
Do you think I should go ahead with sorting this out?
I can't advise you on whether you should or shouldn't from the emotional standpoint of your mom and dad. Would you love him even less if you knew he wasn't your dad? Has he been less than a good father to you? Would you still regard him as a father if he wasn't?
You need to do what you need to do to feel comfortable about it. If it becomes so bothersome you spend years and years just annoyed whether you are or not, then maybe it's something you need to do. But you do need to do it or let it go one way or another.
You can establish paternity without your parent's knowledge through your brothers and sisters and you only need a couple of them. Be sure NOT to use any health insurance which your parent's provide otherwise they will see it.
This site I am providing you is nothing but links to every question you may have about it, including how to do it and the many reasons why it's important. I don't have an opinion either way for you to do it or not as it is a personal decision.
The site's legal links are for the state of Utah, but the general information links are pretty universal. Paternity Matters - Parents FAQ
The first question should be, "Why do you need to know?"
Are there medical issues that need to be addressed or is it just curiosity?
Another question could be, "Who would it hurt if you ask the question?"
A lot of marriages are rocky and the wife does not have an affair. Wouldn't it be insulting to your mother to suggest that she did have sex with a man other than your father? What if you found out that she was raped? Would either of those thing affect how you view your mother?
Personally, unless you have a very, very good reason for knowing I would assume that your legal father is your biological father.
Last edited by germaine2626; 01-11-2014 at 09:27 AM..
I can't advise you on whether you should or shouldn't from the emotional standpoint of your mom and dad. Would you love him even less if you knew he wasn't your dad? Has he been less than a good father to you? Would you still regard him as a father if he wasn't?
Despite everything, I never said I didn't love him. He was an absent and somewhat neglectful father but never treated us badly and has helped me financially a lot. Of course I would regard him as a father, he's the only one I know whether he's actually my father or not. I just feel like I would like to know if he isn't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007
You can establish paternity without your parent's knowledge through your brothers and sisters and you only need a couple of them. Be sure NOT to use any health insurance which your parent's provide otherwise they will see it.
I never thought about it but it makes sense. Perhaps I should approach my brothers about this and we could have the test done together.
Despite everything, I never said I didn't love him. He was an absent and somewhat neglectful father but never treated us badly and has helped me financially a lot. Of course I would regard him as a father, he's the only one I know whether he's actually my father or not. I just feel like I would like to know if he isn't. .
The other questions are, if you found out he wasn't, would you seek out the person who was, who may not even know he was? PI's look for people all the time based on discussions with people from her past to help narrow down potential candidates. That's about all they can do.
Would you ask your mother to tell you?
One thing leads to another and if you found out you weren't you'd still have the nagging over then wanting to know who it was and then you'll probably spill the beans to your mom. Think this through.
I'm 22 and I have two elder brothers aged 31 and 30. They always said my parents didn't get along well for as long as they have memory. They say they remember being 4 or 5 years old and they were already sleeping in separate bedrooms.
That raised a big interrogation mark in my head about my paternity. I came around long after things started going south from what you see but I had to come out of somewhere.
Separate bedrooms "raised a big interrogation mark in my head about my paternity"?
There are many, many scenarios why your parents may have slept apart, and there is no reason they could not have had sex in either (or both!) of the bedrooms.
If separate bedrooms is the sole reason you question paternity... drop it.
Just because your father fooled around doesn't mean your mother did.
I know but it could have happened and I wouldn't condenm her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie53
Are you questioning your paternity just because they didn't get along......or do you look significantly different than your father and brothers?
No, my brothers and I all look the same, very similar to my father. But that alone doesn't prove paternity.
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