U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-17-2014, 11:35 AM
 
2,839 posts, read 4,966,960 times
Reputation: 3702

Advertisements

I'm about 6 weeks pregnant.

I have PCOS so I don't ovulate normally, and I've miscarried once.

So with my doctor (who knows about my past), as soon as I had a positive pregnancy test, I went to see her. She said at the time I only looked around 4 weeks pregnant, so she told me she wants to see me in two weeks to check up on things again.

We've only told immediate family about the pregnancy. And my mom is getting on my DAMN nerves.

Yesterday she calls me, asks for the first and last day of my last period, and I'm like what for, and she's like "well I want to calculate" and I tell her those traditional calculations don't work on me, and that when I thought I was 5-6 weeks based on that, the doctor told me I was only around 4 weeks.

THEN she tells me don't be so excited to see the heartbeat, and why am I going to the doctor before 12 weeks, etc.

I try not to blow up at her but I tell her my doctor told me come in in two weeks, and I'm going to follow my doctor's orders, not hers.

I started getting angry because she was like "well I'm just saying, you know, don't be so excited to see the heartbeat blah blah" and then even goes into a weird rant about "don't buy anything until you are 7 months along" and I'm like you are CRAZY nobody waits until they are 7 months pregnant before buying anything...

She asks if she can come over this weekend, I say no because I'm busy (and I'm working Sunday).

Seriously THIS is why I didn't even want to tell her I got pregnant, but I got so SICK AND TIRED of her constantly asking me questions like "are you pregnant now? What did the doctor say about your blood tests, did you check your husband, how is his tests, BLAH BLAH" that I told her.

I know she means well in some crazy way, and she cried when I told her I was pregnant, but she really needs to chill out and LEAVE ME ALONE. She was actually upset that my MIL found out I was pregnant before her... *rolls eyes* - I told them not even a week apart...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-17-2014, 11:43 AM
 
Location: CO
2,455 posts, read 2,608,148 times
Reputation: 5190
Quote:
Originally Posted by beera View Post
She was actually upset that my MIL found out I was pregnant before her... *rolls eyes* - I told them not even a week apart...
Big mistake!
Good luck with your pregnancy!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-17-2014, 11:45 AM
 
3,239 posts, read 4,448,405 times
Reputation: 4880
If you know she means well don't let it bother you so much. Its because you had a miscarriage, there are better ways to go about it, but she thinks she is preparing you just in case. Being pregnant can heighten your sensitivity. At least you have a mom that cares. Always look at mom issues as what will your child think about you in the future.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-17-2014, 11:49 AM
 
Location: South Jersey
819 posts, read 2,826,790 times
Reputation: 1444
My mom told me about not buying things, but she told me to wait until I think 3 months. I find it odd for a mother to say that to their pregnant daughter. I guess it's their way of protecting you in case of a miscarriage -but who wants to hear that when you are just finding out and want to be happy about the situation
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-17-2014, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,553 posts, read 33,276,704 times
Reputation: 32104
I'd block her number for a week so she can chill out. Maybe that will teach her and she gets the message.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-17-2014, 11:50 AM
 
13,095 posts, read 17,657,291 times
Reputation: 19605
You have two potential grandmothers who apparently know each other and communicate and you do not share what they consider important with both of them?
Either talk to you SO only or to everybody. So your mother is going through motions. She has probably gone through your miscarriage with you and is overly anxious. Give her a break. Her baby got hurt and now she wants to wrap you in cotton. Enjoy it and keep her at distance in a nice way. "mom I have to work. mom everything is fine. mom I will keep you in the loop."
Why do you have to buy baby stuff now? Pick out what you would like and wait for showers.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-17-2014, 12:37 PM
 
912 posts, read 1,244,000 times
Reputation: 2275
It sounds like she's both excited to be a grandmother and very nervous.

I would tell her something like "Mom, I appreciate the advice, but the doctor has this handled. I'm nervous because of what happened before, but I'm really hoping and trusting it to turn out differently this time. Please stop reminding me of what could go wrong and how I should act or prepare...it just makes me feel more stressed and I think you'll agree that I really don't need that right now. Just enjoy the thought of being a grandmother, you'll be a great one!"

Or something like that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-17-2014, 12:48 PM
 
Location: NJ
23,951 posts, read 30,088,093 times
Reputation: 15900
when people ask too many questions and give too much advice, you stop giving them information. this is a very sensitive issue due to your history and its your issue not hers. she probably wants to make your tragedy into her own so she can give herself rights to say more than she should. but it wasn't her tragedy, it was yours. I would nicely adjust the information I give her so that I don't hear more than I want to out of her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-17-2014, 12:54 PM
 
2,677 posts, read 3,852,563 times
Reputation: 1332
You should have never said anything. That's why I didn't tell my mother until 16 weeks. I wouldn't have said anything until the last month, but I thought that wouldn't be nice.

People that have never been pregnant, or have never had issues getting pregnant don't have any clue about what it's like. My mother acts like she knows everything too and keeps giving me advice. Luckily she's 1000 miles away, so I just say "ok mom" and leave it at that. You opened the can, so now you have to deal with it. I would tell you mom in the nicest way possible to give it a break for a while and let you and your doctors manage the pregnancy. Once you hit 20 weeks or so, then you can start the shopping and planning and involve her in it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-17-2014, 12:57 PM
 
2,839 posts, read 4,966,960 times
Reputation: 3702
Threestep I haven't purchased anything, I have no intention of buying anything for the first few months at least, and definitely am waiting for the showers, but who tells someone don't buy anything for the first SEVEN months?

I'm definitely trying to keep my cool, but she's not helping. I did tell her please stop stressing me out lol.

Kate if I hadn't told her she'd spend forever being butthurt... I already told hubby I am not telling anyone when I go in labor because I will not filter myself then! haha!

Thanks thatswanlady- I'll tell her that next time she starts lol...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:48 AM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. | Please obey Forum Rules | Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top