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I think the wife really needs INDIVIDUAL counseling. Personally, I'd give her an ultimatum and leave if she doesn't attend counseling.
The OP just doesn't have the guts to carry that through. The wife won't attend either the family or the marriage counseling sessions because the problem isn't her, it's them, as far as she's concerned.
So I guess there's been a little progress. But, really, you acknowledge she had some serious issues, she's not willing to do what it takes to get help, you have problems with her, and she treats your son this way. Why are you not being tougher on her?
The OP just doesn't have the guts to carry that through. The wife won't attend either the family or the marriage counseling sessions because the problem isn't her, it's them, as far as she's concerned.
This is why she needs individual counseling. She (if she would be honest with the counselor of course) would be forced to realize she is the problem. And these are her issues. Obviously they have caused marriage and parenting issues, but she has individual problems that have to be dealt with or the marital and parenting problems will never be.
In another thread, OP mentions that she runs and locks herself in a room when she is mad and won't come out until he brings her food or gifts. I agree with most of what you've said. I simply feel that not exposing her to Rachel may be best to temporarily cool things down.
I think the wife really needs INDIVIDUAL counseling. Personally, I'd give her an ultimatum and leave if she doesn't attend counseling.
Oh good grief! She really is a spoiled child! She just wants what she wants and she's used to people giving in to her selfish childish demands. Clearly she needs serious therapy. I don't say this lightly or jokingly. She really does have some serious issues. This behavior is not healthy for anyone in the family.
I'm 37, my wife is 37, and our son is 19. He has a new GF he met at some party around Halloween. This is his 2nd GF. My wife liked the first GF even though she was a bit promiscuous. She absolutely hates this one, Rachel. Rachel is kind of like the last GF, but significantly more " bad girl". She's got a Carpe Diem tattoo near the quote " What's meant to be will find a way". She's planning a third one, a butterfly ( how original). She drinks more than the first one and dresses pretty skimpy( even in the Chicago cold). Anyway, my wife hates her, seethes when Rachel's at the house and seethes when those two leave for their date. I don't mind her because I know its a phase. He's 19, his hormones, not his brain, are doing the thinking. He's probably having a grand time. My wife refers to this girl as " Kelly Bundy 2.0"( remember her?) I've never told my wife this, but Rachel is alot like my wife was 18 years ago( minus the tattoos). Should I just tell her " relax, he's not marrying her, she'll be gone by April"?
I think your wife needs to chill out and stop being so judgmental. Your son is 19, let him be a damn adult. .
...and it sounds like there is still an enabler in the house.
OP doesn't see himself as an enabler though. I think he just wants to keep the peace.
At some point, OP, your son may decide to cut his mother out of his life and you may be forced to choose between your wife and son. Is that what you want? The more you enable her, the more likely this is to happen.
OP doesn't see himself as an enabler though. I think he just wants to keep the peace.
At some point, OP, your son may decide to cut his mother out of his life and you may be forced to choose between your wife and son. Is that what you want? The more you enable her, the more likely this is to happen.
Or also if things were to come to that point, the son may be forced to cut out the OP as well in order to avoid contact with the mother.
OP doesn't see himself as an enabler though. I think he just wants to keep the peace.
At some point, OP, your son may decide to cut his mother out of his life and you may be forced to choose between your wife and son. Is that what you want? The more you enable her, the more likely this is to happen.
If you'd read the other threads in their entirety, you would know that OP absolutely is an enabler. Of course, he does not see himself that way.
He perceives that he is the wise, objective observer in a drama playing out with his wife and son, as if he had NO accountability whatsoever.
He is wrong, of course. He is all about avoidance, deflection and blame.
It's all there in the other threads, and it's exactly the same as this thread. Some of the names have changed, but that's about all that's changed.
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). Anyway, my wife hates her, seethes when Rachel's at the house and seethes when those two leave for their date. I don't mind her because I know its a phase. He's 19, his hormones, not his brain, are doing the thinking. He's probably having a grand time. My wife refers to this girl as " Kelly Bundy 2.0"( remember her?) I've never told my wife this, but Rachel is alot like my wife was 18 years ago( minus the tattoos). Should I just tell her " relax, he's not marrying her, she'll be gone by April"?
