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Going to college would require work, a 4 letter word in her mind. I'm not saying she's 100% lazy, when she wants to throw a dinner party or whatever, she's the Michael Jordan of dinner parties and such.
If you are happy living this way, that's your choice. I personally don't see anything about her that makes her a good partner. She has no ambition. She's selfish. She's immature. The way you describe her, she contributes nothing to your marriage except her looks and an occasional dinner party.
If you are happy living this way, that's your choice. I personally don't see anything about her that makes her a good partner. She has no ambition. She's selfish. She's immature. The way you describe her, she contributes nothing to your marriage except her looks and an occasional dinner party.
She may have her looks now, at 37 - but how are you going to feel when they fade, when she is older? A selfish, self-serving, complaining, high-maintenance, lazy old woman. What a bargain.
Nothing's changed. No new news. Your family is in the same unhealthy spiral it was in last year. You don't really ask advice, and the advice you get you don't take.
All I keep thinking about is that Renee Zellweger quote from Cold Mountain:
They call this war a cloud over the land. But they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and yell, 'Sh*t! It's raining!"
Irish, I was glad to see you return, as I thought you were going to report things had improved. Instead, it's same old, same old. You are not in a marriage, at least not anything I recognize.
What exactly are you getting out of this, besides arm candy? You have two children, and no partner. It's really sad, and I think you should stop posting your problems until you do something about them. JMO.
I have to agree. I even complimented him as his first few initial posts seemed to show some growth and change. As the thread has continued I see I was wrong.
I've known people like the OP's wife. There was even a time in my life, years ago, when I was headed in a similar direction (not wanting to work and a sense of entitlement). The difference is that I had a brain that needed to be exercised and challenged regularly. The OP's wife doesn't appear to want to be be mentally challenged in her life. The other difference is that I have a husband that knew I would not be content shopping online all day and watching TV. He encouraged me to use my brain.
Nothing's changed. No new news. Your family is in the same unhealthy spiral it was in last year. You don't really ask advice, and the advice you get you don't take.
All I keep thinking about is that Renee Zellweger quote from Cold Mountain:
They call this war a cloud over the land. But they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and yell, 'Sh*t! It's raining!"
Ok, what's your grand advice? Divorce? Please tell me and I'll take it.
If you are happy living this way, that's your choice. I personally don't see anything about her that makes her a good partner. She has no ambition. She's selfish. She's immature. The way you describe her, she contributes nothing to your marriage except her looks and an occasional dinner party.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheryjohns
She may have her looks now, at 37 - but how are you going to feel when they fade, when she is older? A selfish, self-serving, complaining, high-maintenance, lazy old woman. What a bargain.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
As I said earlier, Irish, I think it is less about earning a paycheck than it is about contributing to the household. Why should she get to "quit" her job as mom at the age of 37 but you have a good 20-30 years of work left? You give, she takes. There is no equity here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheryjohns
So she is like perpetual child?
If you are happy with her the way that she is now that is fine. If you will be happy with the way she is 20 years from now or 40 years from now that is fine. It is your marriage.
But, are you truly happy? Is she a real partner? A real helpmate? You are 37 now, can you picture 50 more years with your wife acting like a spoiled child and all you do is give, give, give?
You have mentioned numerous times that she is lazy (except when she wants to do something). Didn't you recently say that she felt that you should hire a cleaning lady a few days a week (even though she is home all day every day)? Perhaps you could suggest small steps, joining a book club, going to a lecture at the museum, becoming a volunteer for a cause that she supports, taking one college class or something similar.
Frankly, once your son totally leaves home I can't even imagine what you would have to talk about at the dinner table. Buying a condo in Chicago so your wife can do more shopping? More expensive jewelry that she wants to buy? The pricey restaurant that just opened up downtown? The next exotic vacation that she wants to take? Redecorating your house? How many hours she napped during the day? What was on all of the soap operas? Imagine the next 40 or 50 years of this.
Ok, what's your grand advice? Divorce? Please tell me and I'll take it.
It's already been given to you many many many times and you never took it then. You're deeply unhappy, and all of us can see it. But you rather be in denial. The problem is, until you wake up and be utterly honest with yourself.... you'll never be ready to take that ONE step, the first step that truly changes everything. Until you stop lying to yourself and enabling this situation, this is an unhappy situation that you're going to keep yourself mired in forever with no real chance of happiness.
You deserve better. Your son deserves better. And even your wife deserves better.
It's already been given to you many many many times and you never took it then. You're deeply unhappy, and all of us can see it. But you rather be in denial. The problem is, until you wake up and be utterly honest with yourself.... you'll never be ready to take that ONE step, the first step that truly changes everything. Until you stop lying to yourself and enabling this situation, this is an unhappy situation that you're going to keep yourself mired in forever with no real chance of happiness.
You deserve better. Your son deserves better. And even your wife deserves better.
I know I'm unhappy, if I were happy I wouldn't have been in therapy. I've sat in the wake of her tantrums and thought " What the ( heck) is going on"? "What happened to her"? What happened between 1994 and 2014?
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