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Old 03-16-2014, 08:10 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,873 posts, read 23,170,285 times
Reputation: 37276

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG View Post
It doesn't...but it might wake her up a bit. To be honestly, unless she also buying for the household...it's too much money to reward her with for acting like a spoiled brat.

Personally, unless she wanted to be part of the family...she shouldn't get to enjoy what being part of the family involves...and that included unlimited spending money.

The OP should cut it down to half of that unless she goes to marriage counselling.
The OP is equally at fault. He's only trying to come up with an amount he thinks will placate her with the least amount of discomfort on his part.

His treating her like a child and her behaving like one are two sides of the same coin. That is how they relate - it is not all her fault. By any means. Him dictating some random change in what she is "allowed" to do doesn't result in any real change to their relationship.

 
Old 03-16-2014, 08:10 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,115,141 times
Reputation: 32406
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
For one thing it will limit her spending, she spends more than $300, not like a lot more, but more. I saw somewhere on her someone brought up limiting spending so I'm mulling it over.
Again, you pick the least important thing and only respond to that. What about the therapy that you both desperately need? What about discussing how you want to spend the rest of your lives? I seem to remember her wanting an apartment in the city, but you didn't. If you set some common goals, the money discussion will follow. You want a vacation condo? OK, then we need to save more and spend less. You don't want to get a job outside the house? OK, then you need to spend less on clothes, etc. You can't just come at her with a sudden spending limit for no real reason. It wouldn't make sense.
 
Old 03-16-2014, 08:14 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,115,141 times
Reputation: 32406
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I'm speculating that Irish is trying to help his spouse become more of an equal partner in the marriage by discussing finances and budgeting as opposed to just "putting her on a budget"/giving her a set amount of money to spent.

At least that is what I'm hoping that he is doing.

Regarding $300 a week---it depends greatly on what she is expected to use the $300 to purchase.
$300 to use for grocery shopping, dry cleaning expenses, and other house hold responsibilities.
Or $300 a week for her personal expenses such as mani-pedis, spa treatments, lunch with friends, etc
Or $300 for her just to spent on flowers and Godiva Chocolates for herself each week
.
I'm guessing it's the last 2. I couldn't spend $300 on myself in a week if I tried. This is not a punishment. OP, does this include groceries and dry cleaning, or is this just mani-pedis, clothes, lunch, etc?
 
Old 03-16-2014, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,067 posts, read 17,389,275 times
Reputation: 41560
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
For one thing it will limit her spending, she spends more than $300, not like a lot more, but more. I saw somewhere on her someone brought up limiting spending so I'm mulling it over.
Although, it really isn't an "allowance" my husband of 37 years gets $200 in cash each week. What does he use the money to buy? He purchases all of the groceries for the week for both of us, gasoline for the car, dry cleaning/other household expenses/light bulbs/stuff from the hardware store/etc, sodas/candy/fast food, cigarettes and anything else that he needs and wants with the left over money such as hair cuts, new shoes or clothing.

Irish, this will give you a little perspective on the spending of other people. BTW my husband rarely runs out of money. Irish, do you think that your wife could buy all the family groceries, buy gasoline, pay for dry cleaning, pay for her hair care, buy new clothing & shoes, and pay her lunch expenses for $200 a week? What do you think? Could she do it?

Last edited by germaine2626; 03-16-2014 at 09:13 PM..
 
Old 03-16-2014, 08:37 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 5,147,881 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
The OP is equally at fault. He's only trying to come up with an amount he thinks will placate her with the least amount of discomfort on his part.

His treating her like a child and her behaving like one are two sides of the same coin. That is how they relate - it is not all her fault. By any means. Him dictating some random change in what she is "allowed" to do doesn't result in any real change to their relationship.
You seem mighty invested in taking her side.

I agree that he is trying to take the easiest ways out....he should have left her spoiled brat self when she refused to go into counseling and continued to act like like this.....but at least this is a start.

She's acting like a child...she refuses to change....she should get treated like a child.
 
Old 03-16-2014, 08:41 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,115,141 times
Reputation: 32406
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG View Post
You seem mighty invested in taking her side.

I agree that he is trying to take the easiest ways out....he should have left her spoiled brat self when she refused to go into counseling and continued to act like like this.....but at least this is a start.

She's acting like a child...she refuses to change....she should get treated like a child.
I disagree. Treating her like a child won't solve anything. He should treat her like an adult, and if she can't rise to the occasion, he should leave.

I agree with the bolded 100%
 
Old 03-16-2014, 09:03 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,873 posts, read 23,170,285 times
Reputation: 37276
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG View Post
You seem mighty invested in taking her side.

I agree that he is trying to take the easiest ways out....he should have left her spoiled brat self when she refused to go into counseling and continued to act like like this.....but at least this is a start.

She's acting like a child...she refuses to change....she should get treated like a child.
How on earth is saying they are equally at fault "taking her side"? He has enabled her in order to avoid conflict for almost 20 years! Neither one of them behaves like an adult in their relationship. And really, neither one wants to change. She wants him to continue treating her like a petulant child (because it works and she always, eventually, gets what she wants); and he wants her to change, without him having to confront her or look at his own behavior. He wants the easy button.
 
Old 03-16-2014, 10:56 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 741,685 times
Reputation: 343
Knowing her, the $300 will be manicures, pedicures, luxury stuff. I'll own up and admit I left counseling too early as well.
 
Old 03-17-2014, 08:41 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 14,223,843 times
Reputation: 4563
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
Knowing her, the $300 will be manicures, pedicures, luxury stuff. I'll own up and admit I left counseling too early as well.
You need to be decisive. If she is allotted $300 (or however much, and the amount should be agreed upon during an adult conversation), you need to specify whether it's for luxuries only or for household expenses as well. That's a bit low for all household expenses and a bit high for luxuries only IMO.

If you left counseling early too, I don't know what to say. You have to be committed before you ask her to be committed. If you insist she attends counseling but even you leave early, you really don't have a leg to stand on. Do you want the situation to improve? Or do you thrive on the drama?
 
Old 03-17-2014, 09:34 AM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 741,685 times
Reputation: 343
I want it improved
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