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Old 03-23-2014, 09:55 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 741,174 times
Reputation: 343

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Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
Irish, what was your wife's reaction to the therapy visit and advice?
It's like her body was there but her mind was elsewhere, her answers were short and the ride home was quiet on her end.

 
Old 03-24-2014, 09:37 AM
 
6,475 posts, read 9,929,370 times
Reputation: 10919
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
It's like her body was there but her mind was elsewhere, her answers were short and the ride home was quiet on her end.
I'm sure the therapist picked up on her resistance. Good. How soon before you go back?
 
Old 03-24-2014, 09:44 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 741,174 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
I'm sure the therapist picked up on her resistance. Good. How soon before you go back?
every Monday, so we'll be back the 28th.
 
Old 03-24-2014, 11:35 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 741,174 times
Reputation: 343
I'd like to talk about senior yr of high school next Monday. Here's my theory. As the pregnancy got later and become more noticeable, she must've felt very judged by others everywhere she went( even though the high school kids seemed cool with it, then again I wasn't with her all the time in school). This constant anxiety must've turned to anger so she poured out all her anger on the source responsible for her pregnancy: me. Of course, that was 19 years ago, I hope someone wouldn't hang onto harsh feelings for 19 years. Then, when he was a toddler, she must've buried these feelings by making him happy in an " Seeing my son happy, makes me happy" complex. Why else would a parent do what she did for 5 years? Don't get me wrong he was a good boy, but then it was very odd, she never put him in time out and for a solid week he ate only cake and chicken fingers. Maybe in his mind it wasn't " I better stop making Mommy mad I'll be punished" it was " I better stop, my friend looks annoyed."
 
Old 03-25-2014, 08:01 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 14,215,042 times
Reputation: 4563
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
It's like her body was there but her mind was elsewhere, her answers were short and the ride home was quiet on her end.
Well, this could mean one of two things:

1) She had some kind of realization that she couldn't handle so she disconnected.

2) She disconnected because she didn't want to be there and was annoyed by the whole thing, like a bratty teenager.

I hate to say it, but I'd guess the latter was the case based on what you've said.

Keep us posted.
 
Old 03-25-2014, 08:06 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 14,215,042 times
Reputation: 4563
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
I'd like to talk about senior yr of high school next Monday. Here's my theory. As the pregnancy got later and become more noticeable, she must've felt very judged by others everywhere she went( even though the high school kids seemed cool with it, then again I wasn't with her all the time in school). This constant anxiety must've turned to anger so she poured out all her anger on the source responsible for her pregnancy: me. Of course, that was 19 years ago, I hope someone wouldn't hang onto harsh feelings for 19 years. Then, when he was a toddler, she must've buried these feelings by making him happy in an " Seeing my son happy, makes me happy" complex. Why else would a parent do what she did for 5 years? Don't get me wrong he was a good boy, but then it was very odd, she never put him in time out and for a solid week he ate only cake and chicken fingers. Maybe in his mind it wasn't " I better stop making Mommy mad I'll be punished" it was " I better stop, my friend looks annoyed."
And she still wants to do that now, in a way, by having him not go to college, not get a job, just "enjoy life," etc. (I know she hasn't gotten her way.)

As far as Rachel, your wife is probably so fixated on making your son happy that she sees Rachel as a threat. Really, it's not that unusual for a mom to see her son's GF as a threat or a dad to see his daughter's BF as a threat and I think it's just human nature. But most parents don't show it the way your wife has/is. Most resist that urge. Maybe your wife doesn't because it's much stronger for her.
 
Old 03-25-2014, 08:38 AM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
6,535 posts, read 7,803,679 times
Reputation: 15978
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
It's like her body was there but her mind was elsewhere, her answers were short and the ride home was quiet on her end.
Although others may disagree, short answers and quiet don't mean any one thing. I know when I try to process and listen closely to something, I become quiet. I'm thinking.

What do you keep trying to bring up the past? You went through the whole high school thing last year. If you can't get over it, your wife never will. I do have one theory though--every time you mention she was pregnant in high school, you mention that "she must have felt judged' and then you state the HS kids were cool with it. Look inside yourself. I think YOU were the one judging her. It's called projection.

This is at least the second time you've mentioned the chicken fingers and cake story. Again, you are judging her parenting while you were away at school.
 
Old 03-25-2014, 08:45 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 14,215,042 times
Reputation: 4563
Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah View Post
This is at least the second time you've mentioned the chicken fingers and cake story. Again, you are judging her parenting while you were away at school.
Frankly, I think this needs to be addressed some more. There probably is some legitimate resentment there.

Why couldn't OP have gone to school locally? I know it wouldn't have been at Notre Dame but, when you have a kid, you have to make different choices than you would if you didn't. And didn't he mention that it was only three hours away but he only saw them once a month? Even if he was going to go off to college, he could've come back every weekend if it was only three hours away. She probably feels abandoned. She does need to work through it and it was a long time ago, but it should still be addressed. Irish, why don't you talk to her more about that and acknowledge that it was probably a hard time for her?
 
Old 03-25-2014, 09:58 AM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 741,174 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah View Post

This is at least the second time you've mentioned the chicken fingers and cake story.
Because that's just as bizarre now as when he spilled the beans and told me about it when he came to visit.
Her excuse was basically " Oh, well, whatever my baby wants, he gets"
 
Old 03-25-2014, 10:02 AM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 741,174 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by afoigrokerkok View Post

Why couldn't OP have gone to school locally? I know it wouldn't have been at Notre Dame but, when you have a kid, you have to make different choices than you would if you didn't. And didn't he mention that it was only three hours away but he only saw them once a month? Even if he was going to go off to college, he could've come back every weekend if it was only three hours away. She probably feels abandoned. She does need to work through it and it was a long time ago, but it should still be addressed. Irish, why don't you talk to her more about that and acknowledge that it was probably a hard time for her?
I'll be sure to talk with her. As far as the ND thing, I asked her over and over " Are you sure you don't want me to go to a Chicago area school( I applied to U of Chicago, N'Western, and DePaul)?" Her response was " no no, go to ND"
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