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Old 04-14-2014, 05:19 PM
 
7,363 posts, read 13,188,326 times
Reputation: 8940

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Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
Well apparently I’m the world’s worst husband for depriving my wife of her condo/shopping storage bin. I was thinking last night how cold this winter has been and I had a thought: I really want a hot tub. There is room for it and I’ve been doing all sorts of research. When I ran it by her this was the response I got.
Me: * talks about hot tub *
Her: Oh I see, so when your wife wants something that just gets shoved aside, but when YOU want something POOF, you get it.
Me: I know a way we both get what we want. I pay for the hot tub I want with money that I earned from my job and you pay for your condo with money from your job. I’m assuming you have one. Or is compulsive online shopper not a career field?
Her * eye roll *: You avoided the question. Why is it when I want something I get denied but you get everything?
Me: A) that’s not true, look in the garage for proof and B) I think since I make the money, I get the right to spend it how I want
Her: God you’re selfish. Just FYI, I did work, all those years you were gone leaving me to raise him alone.
Me: Well I’m done. Umm, within a short period of time expect a hot tub back there. Have a good one.

That last part got to me. I saw him whenever possible, I called nightly, I sent money, she was not alone.
Your wife is right in this instance. Of course, she doesn't have money earned from a job, she was a SAHM and now a SAHW. I don't really get why now you're still harping her about having a job when you already told her that if she didn't want to work, then she didn't have to. If you're going to go back on your word, then you & wife sit down and discuss it... given that both of you have lousy communication skills and don't really have life expectations, better to do it in therapy.

With that said... you have a pool and a pool house, but no hot tub?

 
Old 04-14-2014, 05:22 PM
 
6,475 posts, read 9,899,770 times
Reputation: 10909
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Committed couples don't make major purchases without discussing them, and coming to an agreement.
To be fair, there will never be an agreement, when you consider who and what he's dealing with. Really, there's no reason for not having a hot tub, and she has gotten what she's wanted. He's earned it, and she hasn't exactly justified a "no" in the purchase. Irish shouldn't have played the "it's my money" card, and should have used the "it's my turn, and there's no reason not to." Then he could have offered to buy her a new swimsuit. That would have placated her.

OH, by the way, Irish, thumbs up from me for standing up to her.
 
Old 04-14-2014, 05:25 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,008,180 times
Reputation: 32388
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
Well apparently Iím the worldís worst husband for depriving my wife of her condo/shopping storage bin. I was thinking last night how cold this winter has been and I had a thought: I really want a hot tub. There is room for it and Iíve been doing all sorts of research. When I ran it by her this was the response I got.
Me: * talks about hot tub *
Her: Oh I see, so when your wife wants something that just gets shoved aside, but when YOU want something POOF, you get it.
Me: I know a way we both get what we want. I pay for the hot tub I want with money that I earned from my job and you pay for your condo with money from your job. Iím assuming you have one. Or is compulsive online shopper not a career field?
Her * eye roll *: You avoided the question. Why is it when I want something I get denied but you get everything?
Me: A) thatís not true, look in the garage for proof and B) I think since I make the money, I get the right to spend it how I want
Her: God youíre selfish. Just FYI, I did work, all those years you were gone leaving me to raise him alone.
Me: Well Iím done. Umm, within a short period of time expect a hot tub back there. Have a good one.

That last part got to me. I saw him whenever possible, I called nightly, I sent money, she was not alone.
A better argument would have been that a hot tub costs a fraction of what a condo costs. It isn't fair to to tell her to spend her own money when you've been agreeable to being a single income family all these years. you should talk about this disagreement in therapy next week.
 
Old 04-14-2014, 07:21 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 739,483 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
So, instead of raising her maturity level, your own takes a nose dive.
Bad move on my part, heat of the moment, lost my cool. If I got to redo that event I would've handled it better.
 
Old 04-14-2014, 07:23 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 739,483 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
you should talk about this disagreement in therapy next week.
I intend to.
 
Old 04-14-2014, 07:24 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 739,483 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
Then he could have offered to buy her a new swimsuit. That would have placated her.

OH, by the way, Irish, thumbs up from me for standing up to her.
She's probably buying some $3,000 solid gold swimsuit right now and thanks, as awful as it may sound, standing my ground felt good.
 
Old 04-14-2014, 07:26 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 739,483 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe View Post
then you & wife sit down and discuss it... given that both of you have lousy communication skills and don't really have life expectations, better to do it in therapy.

With that said... you have a pool and a pool house, but no hot tub?
I'll bring it up Friday and yeah, we have a pool, a pool house, but never got around to the hot tub.
 
Old 04-14-2014, 07:29 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 739,483 times
Reputation: 343
I still think that " I raised him alone" comment was a low blow
 
Old 04-14-2014, 07:33 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,008,180 times
Reputation: 32388
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
I still think that " I raised him alone" comment was a low blow
It was. It is ridiculous for her to bring up stuff that happened 20 years ago in a new argument. You need to point that out to the therapist. It is not normal.
 
Old 04-14-2014, 07:38 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 739,483 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
It was. It is ridiculous for her to bring up stuff that happened 20 years ago in a new argument. You need to point that out to the therapist. It is not normal.
If anyone should be allowed to pin " Bad Parent" on my shirt it should be my son, he, I think over time, has realized that I was doing what I had to do to make our lives better. Had I just up and left her with no other purpose but to party and womanize, fine, be mad and call me a horrible absent father, but I was working to improve our lives and I think he knows it and gets it more than she does.
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