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Old 01-22-2014, 07:43 AM
 
Location: between three Great Lakes.
1,763 posts, read 1,950,799 times
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the O.P. has been smacked up good and proper by these responses. Yes, women's independence; there's an inconvenient factor he certainly hasn't considered! And I'm waiting for him to come back on and tell us who the hell "Ellen" is.
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Old 01-22-2014, 07:55 AM
 
Location: In a chartreuse microbus
3,855 posts, read 5,310,514 times
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May I add that here in America, there are facilities that have the capacity to give excellent care to the elderly, whereas the children simply don't have the skill or equipment to handle more advanced geriatric problems. Different worlds, OP.
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Old 01-22-2014, 07:56 AM
 
26,366 posts, read 24,547,211 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnatomicflux View Post
That's generally the idea here in North America, friend.

I've hardly turned my back on my mum. If my mother needs to live with me when she is elderly and needs taking care of, or right now for that matter, I will do everything in my power to make that happen. But, I'm sure, no...positive, she's enjoying her retierment doing whatever the hell she wants, whenever the hell she wants, WITHOUT her boys around.

Until then, I've got alot of naked walking around in my house to do.
I stayed with my mom until the end, however, there are parents who do not want to live with their children, I am one of those people...would never do that, I'd rather be in a nursing home with people my own age.

Caring for an elderly sick parent is very hard....and some just cannot do it....I know, near the end, my mother had to stick pop pop in a nursing home and she hated it, but she wass a little bitty thing and could not lift him or care for him the way a nursing home did...however, it killed her to do that.


In our culture here in America, I believe it is mixed, some parents do not want to live with they're kids, some do....and I wouldn't take offense to the OP's question, as while our culture is so different, it isn't his culture, and if so many American's didn't stick their parents in Nursing homes, there wouldn't be so many filled up nursing homes.

So, while I'm glad you do what you do, doesn't make it worng or right, it is simply a matter of culture and how we were raised....

Not everyone feels the same way about this friend, doesn't make you wrong or right....
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Old 01-22-2014, 08:02 AM
 
13,311 posts, read 17,815,040 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BayAreaDave View Post
Never really had a discussion about this before. I know it isn't limited to Americans but I live in America. .
Just to confirm - you live in the US.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BayAreaDave View Post
In my culture (Afghanistan) the parents live with the son or daughter For life. The idea is your parents need you when they are elderly, and it is your duty to take care of huge a s they took care of you. That's means your wife and parents and kids all in there same house. A large family indeed. .
"My culture (Afghanistan)" does not apply to the US. Part of immigration is integration.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BayAreaDave View Post
That is probably what I will be doing. I will be living with my parents until I am established enough to get my own place, then I will marry. .
There is nothing wrong with enjoying "hotel mama" and the amenities associated with it. But how will you learn to run a household for luck of better words? Too many "Is" - marriage takes two and two who will agree on things.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BayAreaDave View Post
Never could I allow either of my parents to go to nursing homes.
Once you are dealing with people who cannot take care of their personal needs, need 24/7 attention, cause disturbances in-house and with the community - at a certain point you have to make decisions.

.
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Old 01-22-2014, 08:08 AM
 
Location: USA
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My mother spent the last 16 months of her life in a nice assisted living center. She enjoyed having her wits and NOT having me taking care of her. She died at age 97.
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Old 01-22-2014, 08:14 AM
bg7
 
7,697 posts, read 8,183,133 times
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Its really a question of being an independent adult versus being in the child-parent dynamic, and the related dependency.

In addition, many adults have a better relationship with their parents once they have left home and started their own lives.
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Old 01-22-2014, 08:21 AM
 
7,953 posts, read 5,058,504 times
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American adults can and do provide substantial care to their elderly parents, but this tends to be done as caregivers and not as daily intimates under the same roof.

As for living-arrangements, I’m fazed by the same quandary as the OP, and I’m European by origin. In America, the much-vaunted “family values” refers specifically to the nuclear family. 3-generation (or more) households are rare. Even rarer are two nuclear families living together (two brothers and their respective wives and children).

Given the high cost of real estate, the voluminous size of American houses, the high cost of daycare and healthcare, and dicey prospects of lifelong employment, it would have made more sense, in my view, for adults related by blood or marriage to merge households into one mega-compound, living as bands. But this is exceedingly rare – and sometimes is outright prohibited by local ordinances.
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Old 01-22-2014, 08:39 AM
 
1,186 posts, read 1,078,957 times
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How do they justify honor killings in Afghanistan?
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Old 01-22-2014, 08:42 AM
 
13,694 posts, read 13,623,653 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant View Post
American adults can and do provide substantial care to their elderly parents, but this tends to be done as caregivers and not as daily intimates under the same roof.

As for living-arrangements, I’m fazed by the same quandary as the OP, and I’m European by origin. In America, the much-vaunted “family values” refers specifically to the nuclear family. 3-generation (or more) households are rare. Even rarer are two nuclear families living together (two brothers and their respective wives and children).

Given the high cost of real estate, the voluminous size of American houses, the high cost of daycare and healthcare, and dicey prospects of lifelong employment, it would have made more sense, in my view, for adults related by blood or marriage to merge households into one mega-compound, living as bands. But this is exceedingly rare – and sometimes is outright prohibited by local ordinances.
Family is a biological accident. Mine was very close until my grandmother - the matriarch - died. My cousins wanted me to fill that role as her daughters were not interested, I'm the eldest of my generation and I get along with everyone. I left rather than fall into that trap, even though I love those cousins dearly.

Should I live to old age and living on my own becomes inadvisable, I will most likely form a household with my two best friends, who are even less likely to marry or spawn than I am. We respect each other's boundaries, for one thing.
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Old 01-22-2014, 08:54 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,133 posts, read 12,876,178 times
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I would not want to live with my parents and have them in my business 24/7. I live my life the way I feel it is right. I love my parents but that doesn't mean I want to live with them.

When it is time for them for a nursing home, we will then decide if I take them in or not. But until then, we all like our independence.

I don't have children. And even if I would have any, I would rather go into a nursing home when I am old as having my kids clean my butt and ruin their life.
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