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Old 02-03-2014, 08:04 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,614 posts, read 17,598,460 times
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I moved back to TN from IA in 2012 after being gone about a year. I had probably five fairly close friends who would get together a lot, especially during the summer, and we'd been friends since middle school. Upon moving back, the guys just didn't seem as close anymore. No one has gotten married or had any major life changes, and while one of the crew committed suicide in July, we were doing things much less frequently before then and drifting away.

Has anyone else moved off, moved back, and then found the friendships just weren't there like they were before?
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Old 02-03-2014, 08:28 AM
 
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I believe in the old saying...............'you can never go home again ".. and your experience is an example.
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Old 02-03-2014, 08:59 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,193,442 times
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Give it time. And meanwhile, look for opportunities to find new friendships with others.

Plan some things with your friends. They may have gone through some genuine sadness when you left and feel like your breezing back in like you had never left is kind of disconcerting. They may have sat around and said - wow - sure is weird without him, but then they adjusted . . . and now you are back. They may be reluctant to get so involved again as they don't know but what you will take off once more.

A year isn't a very long time . . . but with a suicide having taken place . . . maybe they felt you weren't there for them when they were going through tough times. If you are all mutual friends, maybe the suicide itself has really affected them.

Plan some things and see how it unfolds. If you had things in common before, you surely will in the future.
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Old 02-03-2014, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Pacific NW
6,413 posts, read 10,395,867 times
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Everyone is a year different, even you. Give it time to get reacquainted with who you all are today, and don't expect everyone to have remained in limbo until your return.

You'll either find a new footing for your friendship, or, you'll move on and find new friends.
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Old 02-03-2014, 01:17 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,614 posts, read 17,598,460 times
Reputation: 27693
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Give it time. And meanwhile, look for opportunities to find new friendships with others.

Plan some things with your friends. They may have gone through some genuine sadness when you left and feel like your breezing back in like you had never left is kind of disconcerting. They may have sat around and said - wow - sure is weird without him, but then they adjusted . . . and now you are back. They may be reluctant to get so involved again as they don't know but what you will take off once more.

A year isn't a very long time . . . but with a suicide having taken place . . . maybe they felt you weren't there for them when they were going through tough times. If you are all mutual friends, maybe the suicide itself has really affected them.

Plan some things and see how it unfolds. If you had things in common before, you surely will in the future.
The suicide occurred six months after I moved back. We had a big party before I left and we were at the dead man's house for the 4th of July. He killed himself on the 10th and we were all at the lake that evening and pretty wiped out by the time we heard, so we were more numb and in disbelief than anything else. The dead man had plenty of problems and no one was really surprised at the funeral.

I've gone out for drinks with one of the guys who worked at the same facility I did and we went out around Christmas after one of the guys moved back to the area.
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