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To anyone that has asked, my Mother is 46, and soon to be 47 in a couple of weeks.
My mother came to the states when she was 21. She fell in love with my Dad, but his business was in NY, and so she sacrificed a lot to be with him (left a lot of her friends and family behind). They had met in Greece through my Aunt (Father's sister).
It sounds like you are already handling it fine. You sound like you love your mom but you do find her silliness irritating so you point out the stuff when she does it.
All I can say is maybe try to do it more gently, since doesnt seem she's trying to be spiteful.
His mother is Greek and always will be no matter where she lives. That is the Greek way. Greeks are a conservative people and can be xenophobic even.
So what if her heritage is Greek? My heritage is Korean. Who cares?
You don't seem to get that this woman did not come here and post her thoughts. HER SON OUTTED HER, SO TO SPEAK.
Until the laws change, she can hate blacks , gays, Jews, Hawaiians, and even Texans. The point is that your PC view of the world is not the law yet. Right now we can actually not like people and choose to not associate with them.
Where did I write that she can't have her beliefs? The OP wanted to know how he should deal with her when she says things that are racially charged.
Is she bad? No. She is a woman that reflects her culture and she certainly is within her right.
Once again, when did I say she doesn't have the right to say her opinions?
You may hate that we still has these freedoms, but they have worked well in my life. I know immediately upon sight of numerous tattoos and piercings whether hiring someone will work for my company. And guess what, I am within Federal work laws to do so. I also can determine by the number of times someone says "whatever dude", whether I want to hear another word from them.
I think you are reading something completely different than what I wrote. When did I all of a sudden become a facist? As you can judge a person with tattoos and piercings, so too can I judge someone's remarks as ignorant. So what? What does this have to do with how the OP should deal with his Mom when she says things that make him uncomfortable?
I am judgmental. A word you hate I am sure. In my life, education and discipline and self-respect among other qualities taught me that I did not want to casually accept everything that the masses extol. The more people accept and/or believe something does not make it right. It just makes it prevalent. I learned early that contrary to most today, one must earn respect, it is not owed to you. All we owe each other is to act civilly.
Everyones has to go through life judging...so what? Who said otherwise? The son is judging what his mother says as offensive. And I am sorry but no matter what you say, judgment based soley on race is WRONG. And it is not PC for me to say.
In this OP's case, he does not even give respect to his mother, which she most certainly earned from him, and he does not treat her civilly by talking back to her. (an old fashioned expression you wouldn't know)
What does this even mean - an expression I wouldn't know? So you are saying that no matter a Parent says you should never say anything that contradicts him/her? If the answer is yes, then our conversation need not continue further.
LOL, my Mom is 85. My sister has been married to a black man for more than 30 years, and my mother loves him, but she still sometimes says dumb things. A couple of years ago, my biracial niece was going to visit another niece and then go see my Mom. Lying between the two was the city of Paterson, not that nice a place. She called my mother for directions on how to get from her cousin to my mother, and my mother told her but cautioned her not to go through one neighborhood "where all the blacks live". It's a druggie neighborhood, so my mother's heart was in the right place...but she was saying it that way to her granddaughter who looks more black than white.
Fortunately, my niece knows Grandma, and she just laughed about it to the rest of us later.
Hey, at least that's better than how my 97 year-old (yes, 97!) grandmother puts it. When she lived in Philadelphia, we asked her for directions somewhere nearby - and she told us to "turn left at the schwartza chicken place." For those who don't know, that is basically the Yiddish version of the n-word. And the chicken place she was referring to? Popeye's.
That's just one of a zillion examples, too. Another good one was when we were driving her around Stanford University, and passed a nice-looking black gentleman in a Ferrari. She looked over at him, rolled her eyes, and said (to us) "drug money?" Grandma, no you didn't!! Given where we were at the time, it was more likely he was a professor or doctor. And when she first met our "adopted" brother, who is black AND gay, her reaction was "well, he's a wonderful young man; if only he wasn't, you know......" Black? Gay?? I think the former, since she generally doesn't care as much about the latter. Anyway, we've given up on trying to change her, but she actually has naturally improved over time. She even voted for Obama, but I think that was simply a case of her political beliefs outweighing her racism.
The OP's mother isn't nearly as old as my grandmother, but coming from Greece, she was obviously raised in a different environment. So I'd cut her some slack, especially since she apparently apologized. As long as she still treats other people with respect, there isn't much to do or say about it now.
Ooh ok, I was scratching my head and thinking... "Are Irish not white?"
Yes, but historically, the Irish in the US have been treated poorly, and in some cases worse than blacks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gizmo980
Hey, at least that's better than how my 97 year-old (yes, 97!) grandmother puts it. When she lived in Philadelphia, we asked her for directions somewhere nearby - and she told us to "turn left at the schwartza chicken place." For those who don't know, that is basically the Yiddish version of the n-word. And the chicken place she was referring to? Popeye's.
That's just one of a zillion examples, too. Another good one was when we were driving her around Stanford University, and passed a nice-looking black gentleman in a Ferrari. She looked over at him, rolled her eyes, and said (to us) "drug money?" Grandma, no you didn't!! Given where we were at the time, it was more likely he was a professor or doctor. And when she first met our "adopted" brother, who is black AND gay, her reaction was "well, he's a wonderful young man; if only he wasn't, you know......" Black? Gay?? I think the former, since she generally doesn't care as much about the latter. Anyway, we've given up on trying to change her, but she actually has naturally improved over time. She even voted for Obama, but I think that was simply a case of her political beliefs outweighing her racism.
The OP's mother isn't nearly as old as my grandmother, but coming from Greece, she was obviously raised in a different environment. So I'd cut her some slack, especially since she apparently apologized. As long as she still treats other people with respect, there isn't much to do or say about it now.
Giz, sounds like my great-grandma; only I won't begin to post some of the things she's said, I would get banned here quicker than a flash!
How exactly do I have narrow views by suggesting that my Mother mostly grew up around whites in school for the most part?
And I'm aware that Greece was considered migrant worker.
So my Mother came into my room about 15-20 minutes ago, and said that she didn't mean anything in a racial tone last night. It's just sort of weird she told me because it would be like her hanging out and taking pictures with a couple of non-white people, and that all her friends would be non-white (which makes no sense cause I also have friends/acquaintances that are white). She's like my Aunt, Cousin, or whoever would have thought the same thing as her. She then did say that you're old enough to have friends of any sort of skin color as long as they are quality human beings. They're people of God as well she also said, and that was basically it.
That's great! You seem to have handled your mom perfectly: you called her on it and she thought about her words. Can't ask for anything more.
(And yes, I understand how disappointing it is to hear someone you love express such distasteful (and backward) ideas. I have many aunts and relatives in NYC that are extremely racist - if they happen to have had a not-so-positive run in with someone from a different background they whip out that paintbrush and tell you how they are ALL like that. Times are changing and those ideas will die with them. But I like the way you and your brother call her on it every time it comes up.)
I think your mother is quite racist. I don't think one can make allowances for the fact she's from a different era. It's not like she came in through a time machine. She's lived through the changes in society and ought to know better. But I have no constructive suggestions to offer apart from ignoring her.
My great grandmother (now dead) was born in 1908. Had she known of my mixed-race marriage, she would have been surprised initially but I'm 100% sure she wouldn't have made the kind of insulting remarks your mom is making. Age is no excuse.
What happened to a person's right to be racist????
They still have that right if they really insist on being an idiot....but others also have the right to call them out on their horrible behavior and not condone it.
Seeking the approval of strangers by relating delusional garbage about ones mother is narcissistic to the point of impairment
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