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Old 02-10-2014, 06:27 PM
 
Location: Mesa, AZ
451 posts, read 766,625 times
Reputation: 1181

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Yeah, the sweatshirt was not a wise battle to pick.

If you are a child still living at home - suck it up until you're old enough to move out. Keep your head down and avoid fighting with her as much as possible.

If you are an adult still living at home - for the love of unicorns and bacon, move out! She's going to treat you like a child as long as you live under her roof. Hell, I haven't lived with my parents for almost twelve years, and my mother still treats me like a child. But at last if you have your own place, you don't have to put up with it.

If you're an adult living on your own - you don't have to put up with being treated this way. Tell her that you won't be spoken to like that, and not to contact you until she can keep a civil tongue in her head.
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Old 02-10-2014, 09:06 PM
 
933 posts, read 1,471,184 times
Reputation: 1038
I do not reveal my age on the internet, even one like this. But, I will say that I am living at home right now, and in part because I don't have a lot of money, I cannot move for a few years.
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Old 02-11-2014, 12:45 AM
 
10,113 posts, read 10,920,098 times
Reputation: 8596
Quote:
Originally Posted by David910 View Post
I do not reveal my age on the internet, even one like this. But, I will say that I am living at home right now, and in part because I don't have a lot of money, I cannot move for a few years.
You are embarrassed to post your age because either you are very young or too old to be living off of your parents. Perhaps that is your mom's problem keeping up a son 35 or 40 years old.

It is your mother's home, she and your father pay the bills, provide the food, your internet service and if you have a phone they are probably paying that bill too. It's her house, her rules. You should have worn the fleece shirt to make her happy.

Also you need to just keep your mouth shut, since you said she is headstrong, just live with it, agree with her and go to your room. When and if you ever move out you will be the head of the household, have your freedom and can be as headstrong as you want.
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Old 02-11-2014, 04:38 AM
 
16,488 posts, read 24,394,621 times
Reputation: 16338
Quote:
Originally Posted by David910 View Post
Hello all. I know I just posted a different thread, however, this thread is urgent as I am at the end of my rope with my mother.

My mother and I see the world from completely different views. If she sees red, I see blue. If she sees a situation one way, I see it in a completely different light. However, I admit, I am hardheaded and she is hardheaded, and we always try to prove that our view is the right one. Over last summer I had sort of a life-altering experience. I decided I wanted to change my deteriorating relationship with my mother, however, we both sort of relapsed to our old ways. However, since she is my mother, she is apparently always right and my opinion surmounts to nothing.

The real issue is, my mother is two-faced with me. One day she is telling how much she loves me, how she is so proud of everything I have accomplished. The next day, she is cursing me out telling me how horrible I am in a way, in my opinion, a mother should never tell her child.

What brought me here was an incident tonight. She for my birthday had bought me a nicer fleece/sweatshirt that I had begged her not to buy me. I had told her when she told me she wanted to buy it for me that I wouldn't wear it, to please not waste the money, that I would much rather wear a regular sweatshirt. But despite everything I tried to tell her. I told her that wasn't the way I dressed, that I always put on my casual clothing. She wouldn't listen and bought it anyways. Tonight, my parents and I were going out to dinner, and she was desperate for me to wear the sweatshirt/fleece. In hindsight, I should have put it on, but I really didn't like this piece of clothing, and I just wanted to wear the regular sweatshirt, as that is my style (we weren't going out to a fancy dinner or anything). After some arguing, she called me a: "miserable person", "a slob", "a piece of ****", and told me she was at the end of her rope with me while dropping the f-bomb a couple times in the process. She will also hold the things she does for me against me.

I just don't know what to do. I realize I will never have a good relationship with my mother, and I am tired of this "game" where she is nice for a day then mean for a day, etc.. What should I do? I don't think I deserve to be treated like this.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I don't know how old you are, but if you are of age you should be looking into getting a place of your own. Then you can visit her like once a week and things will be more pleasant them.
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Old 02-11-2014, 10:08 AM
 
16,235 posts, read 25,078,297 times
Reputation: 27047
Sounds like hormonal imbalance. Don't feed into it....Either totally ignore these outbursts....and spend significant less time with her....Or tell her how she is hurting your feelings....see if that will bring out the normal maternal feelings. Lower your voice when you do so. Do not take the bait and reply to argumentative words. If you are an independent adult, and she starts speaking to you like that in public....Drive off and leave her there...put her into a separate cab.....whatever is the safest way for you to leave her to her own devices..She will get the hint
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Old 02-11-2014, 12:39 PM
 
4,000 posts, read 4,069,374 times
Reputation: 7012
And so the age issue has been addressed - sort of.

It's interesting. In so many ways.
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Old 02-11-2014, 07:02 PM
 
933 posts, read 1,471,184 times
Reputation: 1038
So, to sum it up, here's what I've learned from this incident (based on these posts). While my mother was wrong for cursing me out, and is a very passive-aggressive person who should definitely not have given me the fleece/sweatshirt, I should have just sucked it up and put it on before giving it away or something along those lines. We are both definitely hard-headed.

Thanks everyone!
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Old 02-12-2014, 04:47 PM
 
Location: Canada
7,646 posts, read 5,416,804 times
Reputation: 8781
Quote:
Originally Posted by David910 View Post
So, to sum it up, here's what I've learned from this incident (based on these posts). While my mother was wrong for cursing me out, and is a very passive-aggressive person who should definitely not have given me the fleece/sweatshirt, I should have just sucked it up and put it on before giving it away or something along those lines. We are both definitely hard-headed.
What you apparently haven't learned is that unless you consciously change your attitude and responses towards your mother, you most likely will replicate your mother's personality as you age. Do you really want that? Do your want your potential future children exposed to that personality in YOU. In your shoes, that is what I would be fighting to avoid!

By the way, there's a huge difference between being aggressive and being assertive. Books have been written about the difference. Unfortunately, at this point in time, your mother has the upper hand. When you are not dependent on her, well that's a different story. Until then, I suggest changing how you respond and most importantly, as others have said, pick your battles!
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Old 02-12-2014, 05:15 PM
LLN
 
Location: Upstairs closet
5,265 posts, read 10,665,217 times
Reputation: 7187
Geez, put on the freakin sweatshirt. Let her see you in it. This sounds like my wife and daughter, when she was 8, 10, 12, 14, 16, 18, 20 and hasn't stopped yet.

You both should be ashamed. If a sweat shirt is such a big deal, God help you both when something serious occurs.

I got 99 problems but a fancy sweat shirt ain't one!
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Old 04-03-2014, 05:43 PM
 
530 posts, read 663,254 times
Reputation: 516
LLN, you are hysterical and of course, correct! I admit that OP is very upset and when you're in a situation like this it's not always easy to see how silly it is. It is very easy for others to see it though.
To the OP, stop the drama. Calm down and enjoy the time you must spend at home. You'll eventually get out of the house but why be miserable with time not yet served? Relax, it'll be ok before you know it!
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