I'm heartbroken -- Sister Dying of Cancer (husband, person, children)
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My sister was just diagnosed with late stage breast cancer that had already spread to her spine, liver, and all through her body. She notified us via text saying she doesn't want to talk to anyone. I'm heartbroken.
I want to do something for her. But what? Flowers seem so petty. I thought about a vacation for her and her husband, but her daughter is 7 months pregnant so I'm sure she won't want to leave town. Does anyone have any ideas?
When my mother was dying of cancer, this sister bought our mother a hot air balloon ride because my mother always wanted to fly like a bird. I can't think of anything that my sister ever wanted like that.
So sorry. Would she like something practical, like someone to come clean her house? Since she doesn't want to talk to anyone, I would send a card with a supportive note, letting her know you're there for her for whatever she needs, if she ever wants to talk.
Try to find out the potential "time table". If it is days or weeks I would just drop everything and spend the time with my sister. If it is longer maybe there are things that you can do to make her passing easier.
Is there a special object to help bring your sister comfort? Perhaps mom's or grandma's handmade quilt that is usually on display but now sis can use it to sleep under. Perhaps wild flowers from the woods next to where you grew up. Perhaps a photograph of the two of you as children with a note, "I loved you then and I will love you forever." Perhaps the family Bible.
Are there tasks that her family may need help with? Cooking, cleaning, pet care? Sometimes practical things are better than material things.
The first thing that I thought of was that perhaps your sister is worried about her daughter not having a mother in her life, especially if this is her first child. Of course , no one can ever replace a mother, but maybe there is a way of letting your sister know that you will be able to be "an extra special aunt & great-aunt" "or more than an aunt" to her daughter, if she needs that.
Oh, Hopes, I am so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you.
I second what Tina said. Find out from her hub what she needs.
But also, let yourself process this, too. She will come around and need to talk at some point. If you come to terms with it, you'll be better able to hear her and help her.
I'm so very sorry. I agree with some prior posters about asking her husband what he thinks she would enjoy at this time. I will tell you that sometimes when a person says they don't want to talk to anyone, they actually mean exactly the opposite.
I'm so very sorry. I agree with some prior posters about asking her husband what he thinks she would enjoy at this time. I will tell you that sometimes when a person says they don'twant to talk to anyone, they actually mean exactly the opposite.
I agree. Maybe she just wants/needs some big hugs or maybe she does want to talk.
She just wants to process it with her immediate family for now. She tends to shut herself off when she's going through difficult times. I don't have a time line yet, but her cancer has spread much worse than my mother's and my mother only had three months. My mother was diagnosed and died while I was pregnant with my first. There are so many parallels.
I can't reach my BIL because I don't have his cell phone number. They no longer have a home phone. Plus, she said the family didn't want to talk to anyone yet. I have my niece's phone number and email address. I'll wait until Sunday and contact her.
Someone mentioned the family Bible. I will search in my attic this weekend. I had the family Bible for years. I might still have it. I might have given it to my other sister though because she was still having children. It's a Catholic bible with the baptisms, first communions, etc., all listed for four generations. That really is a great idea. I think it should be passed down to my niece who is pregnant since she will be having the fifth generation. She can pass it to my sister's boys when they're older perhaps. Well, if I don't have the bible, it's something meaningful my little sister can do.
Thank you so much for your responses.
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