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Old 02-15-2014, 06:52 PM
 
4,367 posts, read 3,553,961 times
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Is it ever okay to be the bully? I'm fascinated by a form of bullying known as relational aggression, because it plagued my existence as a child. Other girls would tease me, laugh at me, and manipulate me in many strange and sadistic ways. It was a powerful weapon, and no one could protect me. My parents and teachers didn't understand it and didn't know why I wanted to have friends so desperately. Add to this the fact that, when I was a child, the media, perhaps unintentionally, glorified this form of bullying as the ultimate way for a strong female figure to usurp authority. It's left me with an appetite for it, unfortunately. Although I want to strive to do the opposite and always help people and treat them the way I would want someone to treat me, this image of the glamorous girl bully is still etched firmly in my mind. She's witty and powerful, a born leader, capable of manipulating anyone and talking her way out of anything. With a few small words and almost insignificant gestures, she can sentence lesser girls to lives of obscurity, shame, and humiliation. The lesser girls may be perfectly capable of talking, but the queen bee chooses who has the right to be heard. Everyone else is molded in the image that she chooses for them. The weakest girls have no idea what is being done to them or how to stop it. They just live their lives in this painfully altered existence; they have no friends and no security and are forever trying to please with few results.

Of course, being one of the abused myself, I should have no desire to be this so-called "queen bee," but I do wish I could understand my fellow women and girls, and I wish I had enough power and influence to control them or at least guide them and understand them to a point, just so I could be a more effective leader. As it stands, I have trouble asserting myself, perhaps because of what I experienced. I feel like I'm a poor role model for women and girls, because most of my experience has involved trying to avoid the venom. I feel like I missed something crucial in my development. I can read between the lines, but I don't think I do it well enough to keep up with the kids with whom I work. I wish I knew how to better relate. I even kind of wish I could have a bit of bully in me sometimes so that I could take charge of things when they get out of hand. I equate that venomous personality with a kind of charisma I want to have, but, of course, I would want to use my powers for good.

Do you have any suggestions?
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Old 02-16-2014, 03:44 AM
 
4,367 posts, read 3,553,961 times
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Moderators, I've decided to post this in Psychology, because I suspect that it is miscategorized. Please delete this thread.
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Old 02-16-2014, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,790 posts, read 4,843,885 times
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This just sounds like the plot to a Mean Girls movie. How about just being real with people in your environment? I find it works a lot better than trying to act like we live in a sitcom or movie with writers.
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Old 02-17-2014, 05:14 PM
 
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Okay, I've moved this conversation to Psychology, so I've answered your question there.
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Old 02-17-2014, 10:22 PM
 
7,495 posts, read 9,767,491 times
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It's not okay to be a bully.
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Old 02-18-2014, 05:26 AM
 
4,367 posts, read 3,553,961 times
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Wow, I can't delete my original post. Um, could someone give me a little help? I posted this in Psychology instead, because I was not getting many responses.
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