Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
He says i'm his "best friend" But yet he's not telling me what's going on in his life? Why is that???
A lot of perfectly normal guys don't know that a woman likes and looks forward to such things. That's because guys often aren't interested in such things from the other guys, and so they assume women feel the same way.
Women and men feel differently about many things. Some things you'd never guess until they hit you full in the face. As this is doing now.
If a guy isn't discussing something with you, there's a pretty good chance he doesn't know it would interest you. And even if you told him it would, he maybe didn't believe it... because he's never met ANYONE whom it WOULD interest.
You and he need a long talk. And YOU need to do most of the talking. Gently and accommodatingly. Change his mind, and make him INTERESTED in talking to you about such things.
It won't happen overnight.
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. They're from totally different planets... as you are now finding out.
Speak directly. Don't lie, don't insinuate, don't drop hints. When you want something ask for it, politely but directly. When you don't want something, say that. Deal with people face to face. Not even on the phone, certainly not via Facebook. Have coffee and talk. If you can't do this, then you aren't ready for any kind of relationship with a person. The phone and the computer put up barriers people hide behind. This current situation is not a healthy, mature way to deal with people. It's a way to create drama.
1. Why are you so intent on knowing every detail in his life? That kind of demanding "tell me EVERYTHING" can be draining.
2. Stop lying to people -- see what one little lie caused? If you had told your friend, "Do NOT fix me up for a date on Valentine's Day, I am not that desperate!" then none of this would have happened.
3. What do you want out of this friend, anyway? You want to keep him dangling in the background while you check out all the other competition to see if there's anything else out there? If so, that's horribly unfair to him. If he's a friend, then he gets a certain amount of empathy and consideration -- but he is not your emotional punching bag. He says he's good -- maybe he is, maybe he isn't. But it's obvious that he doesn't want to share it with YOU. I think you need to respect that.
4. Does he want to spend any time with you? Grab dinner somewhere, go to a movie, go grab some coffee and hang out at the bookstore? Go running/biking/walking? Or is he going cold turkey on you?
Unless you have a clue as to what you want out of this relationship, then scrambling around trying to fix it and put it back together isn't going to work. It may be that it has reached a point where it evolves into a different kind of friendship.
And for heaven's sake, stop pouring over Facebook and using it as a monitor of his emotional health. It's creepy.
Women talk about what is going on in their lives, and gossip about themselves and others.
Men talk about cars and baseball. They don't go around discussing their private lives like women do. You want to have as pointed out above, a girl friend type relationship with this man telling each other your intimate life secrets. That is not what men do.
Men do not start telling a woman what is really going on in their life, until they are in a relationship beyond just being friends.
The only men that tell the public about their lives, are the ones that go around bragging about getting this woman to go to bed with them, to make themselves sound real macho. The problem is, they give the girl a bad reputation and nothing probably happened between them. They want to sound more macho than they really are. They are trying to hide how dull a life they are living.
Men do not start telling a woman what is really going on in their life, until they are in a relationship beyond just being friends.
And some don't do it then, either. That was my point.
It's a characteristic of the species. Or at least, of the gender.
Some men's minds can be changed. Others can't. What you see is what you get.
If this one won't change despite patient persuasion, then either (a) you're stuck with it, or (b) you need to find a man more in touch with his feminine side.
1. Why are you so intent on knowing every detail in his life? That kind of demanding "tell me EVERYTHING" can be draining.
2. Stop lying to people -- see what one little lie caused? If you had told your friend, "Do NOT fix me up for a date on Valentine's Day, I am not that desperate!" then none of this would have happened.
3. What do you want out of this friend, anyway? You want to keep him dangling in the background while you check out all the other competition to see if there's anything else out there? If so, that's horribly unfair to him. If he's a friend, then he gets a certain amount of empathy and consideration -- but he is not your emotional punching bag. He says he's good -- maybe he is, maybe he isn't. But it's obvious that he doesn't want to share it with YOU. I think you need to respect that.
4. Does he want to spend any time with you? Grab dinner somewhere, go to a movie, go grab some coffee and hang out at the bookstore? Go running/biking/walking? Or is he going cold turkey on you?
Unless you have a clue as to what you want out of this relationship, then scrambling around trying to fix it and put it back together isn't going to work. It may be that it has reached a point where it evolves into a different kind of friendship.
And for heaven's sake, stop pouring over Facebook and using it as a monitor of his emotional health. It's creepy.
I am not so intent on knowing every detail of his life! He told me his problems before, and I helped him through a break up last year. He hasn't talked to me, so I figured as a friend I would text and check up on him and see if he's ok, cause my friends keep telling me he's not doing good, and I thought it was odd anyways cause he is always the first one to call me and tell me what's going on in his life. I never ask what's going on in his life, cause like I said before I don't need to, he tells me first.
So it is unusual. It's also unusual that he's distant, and vague even through texting. Sometimes our text messages would go on and on, and HE was the one that kept it going. HE initiated everything I didn't. Also I did tell my friend in the past to not set me up with anyone, but he thinks it's funny and he does it anyways. The only way for him to not to is when I say "i'm in a relationship" or "dating someone else" Is when he'll quit. Trust me I have gotten into many quarrels with my guy friend about it, and he just thinks he's little Mr. Matchmaker, and he doesn't care what I say or think, and he thinks it's funny to just always set me up with guys that he always says is "perfect" for me. *rolls eyes* He's that type, and I knew with V-day coming up I knew he was going to do something, so I had to say I was dating someone, and I did really have a date for V-day, but I guess I made it seem serious when it isn't.
What do I want out of my friend? Well right now just a friend. I do like him more than that, but there are a lot of things going on in my life, that I can't have a relationship with anyone on a intimate level yet. I have to work on the issues in my life first. I just don't want to lose my friend. That's all. Cause we do have a strong connection (well at least on my end) So no, I don't want him "dangling in the background" if anything I feel really bad if he felt that I was stringing him along.
He talked to me about his life ALL THE TIME!!! I never asked what's going on in his life cause I never needed to!!! Me and him are close friends, so it's weird that he's talking to other people about his life and what's going on, but me he's treating me like he's never met me or something? He's engaging with people more on facebook, and instagram, so I am taking it personal, cause how come he can have long convos and be all jokey on Facebook to other people, but me he's like one word responses? Not engaging, and disinterested. It does upset me, cause I have always been there for him , and treated him with respect, and I do love him more than a friend, but I have so much going on in my life right now that I can't hop into any intimate relationship. I have to work on my issues. I just don't want to lose my friend, that is all.
And I just wanted peoples opinions on this situation. Yes, it's not serious, and I apologize for even saying semi serious. I know it's stupid, but I just wanted opinions on what people think about his behavior, and if they think he's doing this cause he's jealous? or if he just doesn't want to be my friend? etc. I know nobody truly knows, cause you are not him, but all I wanted was opinions and/or advice. That is all! Sorry I even posted this.
Also I am eventually going to talk to him, but not right now. He has a lot of bad things happening to him in his life right now, and I don't want to be the straw that broke the camels back and have us get into a fight that will go nowhere. So I am gonna wait it out a little bit, until then I just wanted to get opinions and/or advice on the situation.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
