Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-07-2014, 02:33 PM
 
993 posts, read 1,556,759 times
Reputation: 2028

Advertisements

Between this and your thieving 7 year old son, maybe it's time that you and your extended family create a giant money pot for therapy.

Military school doesn't sound like a solution for anybody. Just seems like a way to make the problem "go away" by physical distance. Seriously, just get the girl to a DBT center.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-07-2014, 02:40 PM
 
Location: Penna
726 posts, read 1,225,976 times
Reputation: 1293
My step brother molested me and my sister for years, neither knew about the other and we shared the same bed, he knew what he was doing. There are so many depths to this sort of behavior that only those who have experienced it or those who have studied it can BEGIN to comprehend.

What doesn't make sense to you is because it never happened to you. Congratulations for getting through childhood untouched.

The kid is acting out to get attention so somehow she may be able to talk to someone who will listen to the things she is NOT saying... She is trying to say but is too scared to find her voice after not being heard last time.

Her acting out is classic sexual abused behavior. If you really care about the outcome get her some therapy and Out of that environment!

It is probably the mothers husband the mother is protecting...

Last edited by Foodmuse; 03-07-2014 at 02:42 PM.. Reason: miss spelled word
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-07-2014, 03:05 PM
 
Location: Southern California
12,704 posts, read 14,872,891 times
Reputation: 15234
OP. I feel so sorry for your niece! I kind of skimmed through this thread, but I mainly read YOUR posts.

OK, so the niece is behaving badly, which I can see why, but...what consequences has this predator stepbrother faced & where's the lousy father of this boy?! If I was a parent, I'd of course without question be on my own flesh & blood kid's side more than some stepkids. Let me guess, your sister is still married to this man & trying to make it all work under the same roof. Outrageous! If the husband isn't in support of sending HIS son away, I'd be divorcing him because there's NO WAY IN HELL I'd stay married to a man like this & keep my daughter in this dreadful situation just to say that I've "got a man"!

Once a person becomes a parent, their own needs are NO longer the priority. Their child SHOULD become their priority!!!

Your sister obviously doesn't understand that once inappropriate behaviors occur, there's really no returning back to normal. Your niece is acting out because she sees that no one is doing much of anything to help her, even the authorities (cops, CPS, etc.)

This is so SAD! The niece is being shipped off to a military boarding school & being made to feel like a criminal & where is the stepbrother? I sure hope still not in the loving arms of family at home!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-07-2014, 03:32 PM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,980 posts, read 14,535,563 times
Reputation: 14862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Concerned Aunt 936 View Post
New update, as of today in talking with my sister, they are considering sending my niece to a military boarding school. I like this idea, as I think it will give her structure, discipline, and out of that house (which I think is what she needs most of all!)
This is classic "sweeping the problem under the rug" behavior. Not dealing with what happened to your niece will influence her for the rest of her life, and not for the better. Leaving the boy to potentially continue sexually abusing others is criminal.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-07-2014, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 25,056,304 times
Reputation: 51113
Quote:
Originally Posted by Concerned Aunt 936 View Post
Yes they do all live together. They are, including the parents, a family of 9. 2 girls, 4 boys. According to her, everyone there constantly put her down and make her feel bad for standing up for herself. They tell her she is selfish and is intentionally trying to ruin the family.
Your niece is "ruining the family"??!! What about the step-brother who admitted that he grabbed/rubbed/felt his little step-sister's breasts? Wouldn't that qualify as "ruining the family" even more?

Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
Hang on, what?! She lives in the same house as the stepbrother that molested her and that she says raped her?

Why are you asking about her? What the hell is wrong with her mother that she would allow this?

Poor child. Good grief. Get her out of that horrible situation.

"They" are the pits. Jeeze.
Just imagine the horror that your niece must feel every minute of every day in that house?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Concerned Aunt 936 View Post
I completely understand what everyone here is saying. Child protective service did become involved and in talking with her, they dismissed the case and claimed it to be "unfounded". The whole family was supposed to go today to be interview by the detective handling the case. He had called last night stating he assigned to another case and their investigation would be postponed.

I can't say my sister doesn't have issues, that would be unrealistic. But my niece is more important, and my sister doesn't wish to hear what anyone else has to say unless they are agreeing with her logic of the situation. She has been documenting my niece's faults since she was 12 and never lets the past go for her to be able to move on. She keeps these documents (facebook posts, text messages, her personal diary's that she USED to keep). To use as proof that she has been out of control for a long time.

I'm the sitting in the background and hearing all of this, and saying to myself "WHAT THE H IS GOING ON HERE!"

Child protective services won't touch the case, and the police, well apparently it's not worth their time. With no support from them, I haven't a leg to stand on legally.
Anyone else notice that the niece started "acting out" at the same age /right after her step-brother admitted to fondling her breasts? Why can't the mother see that the two things are probably closely connected.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Concerned Aunt 936 View Post
I am willing to have her here with me. The step brother admits to touching her breasts 3 years ago. She is the only female in the house other that her mom. She has a step sister that lived there at the time she said she was raped, and 1 of instances she claims the step sister was right next to her in bed as it happened. This is one of instances I referred to as not making any sense. How the heck would that happen and she not notice her sister being raped by her brother? I just don't understand it.

Regardless of what really happened, my niece needs help.
OP, please read the comments from Foodmuse---someone who lived through the same situation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Foodmuse View Post
My step brother molested me and my sister for years, neither knew about the other and we shared the same bed, he knew what he was doing. There are so many depths to this sort of behavior that only those who have experienced it or those who have studied it can BEGIN to comprehend.

What doesn't make sense to you is because it never happened to you. Congratulations for getting through childhood untouched.

The kid is acting out to get attention so somehow she may be able to talk to someone who will listen to the things she is NOT saying... She is trying to say but is too scared to find her voice after not being heard last time.

Her acting out is classic sexual abused behavior. If you really care about the outcome get her some therapy and Out of that environment!

It is probably the mothers husband the mother is protecting...
I am so sorry that happened to you and your sister- Foodmuse.

Early in this thread I mentioned that I had a former student who had been sexually abused for six to seven years before it was finally discovered when the mother came home unexpectantly one day and actually caught the older brother "in the act" raping his sister. The brother admitted that he had engaged in increasing amounts of forced sexual activity with his sister several times a week, starting when she was 12. Until he was actually caught "in the act" neither his parents or the other siblings in the house suspected anything. Later, the family admitted that they had noticed huge "red flags" but never even considered that the son could do anything like that. Just like in your niece's situation the daughter was being blamed for "acting out" in various ways. Why didn't the daughter say anything? Her brother told her that he would kill her and everyone else in the family if she ever told anyone what he was doing and he was convincing enough that she believed that he really would do it. Her way of "telling" was by acting out, having problems at school, even physical health problems related to extreme stress----but no one, not her parents, not her teachers, not her doctors even put "two and two together" to figure out the real reason.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Concerned Aunt 936 View Post
New update, as of today in talking with my sister, they are considering sending my niece to a military boarding school. I like this idea, as I think it will give her structure, discipline, and out of that house (which I think is what she needs most of all!)
So the step-brother admits to abusing his step-sister and SHE is the one that they kick out of the home?

That is very sad.

Last edited by germaine2626; 03-07-2014 at 04:23 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-07-2014, 05:45 PM
 
2,098 posts, read 2,491,491 times
Reputation: 9744
Am I to understand by your characterization of "my sister dealt with it" that your sister (the girl's mother) believes the story of the stepbrother touching her breasts while she slept to be true and/or the stepbrother admitted to that?

If so, your sister should be ashamed for having failed her daughter in the worst possible way. The entire family should be ashamed for trying to characterize her as a "troublemaker out to destroy the family" rather than having gotten the stepbrother out of the house after the first cry for help. Any sicko who would touch his 12-year-old sister sexually while she was asleep would certainly take it farther than that. There's a level of disturbance in the head needed to have no problem sexually touching a sleeping person, having no worries about their lack of consent, that this stepbrother certainly has. I have absolutely no problem believing her story. I knew where it was going even before you got there.

What you can do is give your sister a good mental slap upside the head. Then you can reach out to your niece, apologize for the rest of your family failing her, and offer to be a place she can stay.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-08-2014, 12:00 PM
 
Location: In my mind (scary)
155 posts, read 188,972 times
Reputation: 253
First off, I became really upset by FoodMuse's comment of "Congratulations for making it through childhood untouched". You know nothing of my childhood, so please do speak in reference to something you know nothing about. This post is about MY NIECE, not myself. I am the ONLY person in family who is on her side, as I explained to her yesterday. I told her I wanted her to come live with me and I thought she was just in a lose-lose situation.

The police at school called her parents yesterday in regards to my niece and her boyfriend. Not supposed to have ANY contact with one another, they've been caught passing notes, and sharing a locker at school. They not only threatened to send him to a different school, but also press charges against him, because my niece is underage.

According to my sister, all the so called evidence she has against my niece, and now including the police report from school, they have enough to press charges against my niece for being disruptive, and defiant. I don't know what the actual "charge" would be.

I told her that would not be the answer, and then she suggested military school. I don't like that answer either, but it gets her out of that house, and resources would be at her disposal to get the actual help she needs without her "JACKED UP" parents influence.

I do not know what my nephew's punishment was for fondling my niece 3 years ago, but niece continues to be tormented on a daily basis, not only by his presence but also by the rest of her family, including mom and step dad.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-08-2014, 01:07 PM
 
1,730 posts, read 1,359,817 times
Reputation: 760
I'd give her and the step brother a lie detector test.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-08-2014, 01:23 PM
 
13,979 posts, read 25,889,429 times
Reputation: 39902
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
This is classic "sweeping the problem under the rug" behavior. Not dealing with what happened to your niece will influence her for the rest of her life, and not for the better. Leaving the boy to potentially continue sexually abusing others is criminal.
I completely agree. When is the investigation mentioned in the OP expected to wrap up?

I'm horrified that the daughter is the one being considered for removal from the family, and not for her protection, but to provide structure and discipline. In other words, blame the victim.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-08-2014, 02:23 PM
 
17,815 posts, read 25,574,545 times
Reputation: 36267
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
This is classic "sweeping the problem under the rug" behavior. Not dealing with what happened to your niece will influence her for the rest of her life, and not for the better. Leaving the boy to potentially continue sexually abusing others is criminal.

Agree.

In addition military boarding schools interview the parents and the child before admitting them.

I don't think any military school(while set up to handle some discipline problems) would after meeting this family accept the girl.

In fact they may alert authorities.

These issues go way beyond what a military boarding school can handle.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:02 PM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top