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That's what society has come to.... no one really talks anymore when they're together, they're just on their smartphones.
A few weeks back i was out having dinner with my wife, and the table next to us had 4 people and i swear none of them talked to each other, everyone's heads were buried in their phones.
No cell phone use at all during a meal at a table is allowed in my family. I don't care if you are checking a text or playing a game. It's all rude.
Good for you and your family. So many people are so rude with their cell phones nowadays on many occasions I have considered grabbing them and destroying them. (I'm a Gen Xer). When I am at the doctor, the restaurant, or anywhere I think it might be obnoxious, I turn it on vibrate. Sometimes I don't even bring it with me.
I was at the gym one time and there was a lady texting on a piece of equipment I wanted to use. If you want to text, why sit on gym equipment to do it? I went to do various other exercises, hoping she would be done by the time I returned. 30 minutes later, she was still going at it. I asked her nicely to use the equipment. She directed me to a similar (though not identical) machine nearby. I had to yell at her to get her to move.
I was at a restaurant once and a lady was there by herself with a baby in a high chair who looked to be about 18 months old. The baby was waving at her, grabbing her hair and trying to get her attention. She remained immersed in her fascinating phone and ignored her the whole time we were there. It made me sad.
Location: Prince Georges County, MD (formerly Long Island, NY)
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Gosh, so many responses-- wasn't anticipating that.
To me, there's a difference between (obviously not when you're in the thick of a conversation):
- Responding to a text from home asking where you put the BBQ sauce when you bought it vs. shooting the breeze with somebody (via text) with no conversational objective
- Reading an email and giving a simple yes or no response vs. answering the phone at the table
- Looking up some bit of trivia related to the conversation (maybe both parties are trying to figure out where the President grew up) vs. playing Angry Birds
To be honest, it depends on where I am. If I'm at dinner with my grandparents, I put the phone away completely out of respect for them (they don't mind, but I just want to keep the respect there). If I'm out with my parents, they'll probably be checking their phones too, so I may check mine. If I'm out with casual friends, I admit I may upload a picture of us together or checkin on Facebook. If I'm out on a date or job interview? I turn the phone completely off.
But, yes, I hate it when people are parked in front of their phones the entire time-- it's rude.
To me there is a clear distinction, and negative assumptions shouldn't be made. It's one thing for people to not even be able to "live in the moment" anymore, but there's also plenty of times where I may be waiting for an important phone call or maybe our car died and I've found a suitable replacement and waiting on a reply on when we can go check it out. (If you've ever been temporarily carless then you know how big of a priority it is to fix that the minute you get a chance.) I don't think it's right for someone to get on my case and badger me in such situations, and frankly most times I don't think it's any of their business to start with.
By the way, I'm in my 40s, and I well remember the whole "what did people do before cell phones" era. I would not want to go back to those days of having to use a pay phone and check an answering machine and try and call the person back but get their machine again, playing "phone tag" all day. As much as I like desktop PCs and in fact prefer them to tablets or smartphones if one's nearby, it's HUGE to me that I can check Internet stuff anywhere I'm at and I have a cell phone connection. The first time I was able to do that, when I got my first smartphone (a Palm Treo 650) in January 2008 (yes the Treo was already becoming obsolete, but I had used Palm Pilots before so there was less of a learning curve), it was HUGELY liberating for me. Anymore, whenever my phone has broken it just feels wrong and I have to replace it right away--but that doesn't mean I'm checking it every 3 minutes either. I've been known to absolutely go for long walks in the woods behind our house, sometimes for 2 hours, and not check anything the entire time unless it's my wife calling etc. Heck once a year we vacation in a place where my phone doesn't work at all, we're there an entire week, only doing a bit of rudimentary checking in using the laptop at the cabin's Wi-Fi at the end of day as we're resting from the day's tiring adventures, and I'm totally okay.
Most times it's a GOOD thing we can be reached wherever we are and look-up things outside our desktop PC cubicle at home. Sure there's a time & place for everything, and some people do overindulge, but I think there's also too much of a tendency for normal "checking in" sorts of behaviors to be vilified and crucified like the phone user just urinated on a picture of the Pope in a Catholic Church during Christmas Eve mass. And really, what is with this notion that you can confiscate my phone? Oh no you can't, just try it. How would you like it if I "confiscated" your billfold or purse? There's no difference, it's using physical force to pretty much steal something that doesn't belong to you.
I don't understand why anyone would talk on the phone in a restaurant other than to say "I'm busy, I'll call you later" then hang-up, or better yet just send it to voicemail. If I must take an urgent call, I excuse myself from the table and take the phone outside or to the lobby area by the front door of the restaurant. As far as checking it if it vibrates, a momentary peek to see if it's urgent is fine, but repeatedly checking it makes it seem like you are looking for something more interesting than your companion. I think it's fine to call someone out on this and say that you would like their attention or maybe they'd just like to be left alone with their phone...? cuz that could easily be arranged! As far as young family members with their heads down at the table texting, never happens in my extended family. We have always had a keen ability to discipline the kids with just a good dose of stink-eye!
Gosh, so many responses-- wasn't anticipating that.
To me, there's a difference between (obviously not when you're in the thick of a conversation):
- Responding to a text from home asking where you put the BBQ sauce when you bought it vs. shooting the breeze with somebody (via text) with no conversational objective
No need to answer that text. They can find the BBQ sauce themselves. The kitchen isn't THAT big.
- Reading an email and giving a simple yes or no response vs. answering the phone at the table
No need to even read the email. It can wait until you're done at the restaurant. What could possibly be so pressing in an email that it can't wait for the 45 minutes or hour that you'll be in the restaurant?
- Looking up some bit of trivia related to the conversation (maybe both parties are trying to figure out where the President grew up) vs. playing Angry Birds
Maybe this. Maybe.
To be honest, it depends on where I am. If I'm at dinner with my grandparents, I put the phone away completely out of respect for them (they don't mind, but I just want to keep the respect there). If I'm out with my parents, they'll probably be checking their phones too, so I may check mine. If I'm out with casual friends, I admit I may upload a picture of us together or checkin on Facebook. If I'm out on a date or job interview? I turn the phone completely off.
If I'm out or having dinner/lunch/breakfast with anyone, my phone is either off or in my car. It doesn't matter who it is. I find it completely rude for anyone to constantly have to pick up their phone and "check" it as if there is something of major importance going on. Please. I can understand if someone is in hospital having surgery or someone is this >< close to going into labor but other than that? No. It's rude and obnoxious to have someone sitting with you, trying to talk and enjoy a meal and your phone is just sooooo important that you take your attention off the person you're with to look at your phone.
But, yes, I hate it when people are parked in front of their phones the entire time-- it's rude.
I don't understand why anyone would talk on the phone in a restaurant other than to say "I'm busy, I'll call you later" then hang-up, or better yet just send it to voicemail. If I must take an urgent call, I excuse myself from the table and take the phone outside or to the lobby area by the front door of the restaurant. As far as checking it if it vibrates, a momentary peek to see if it's urgent is fine, but repeatedly checking it makes it seem like you are looking for something more interesting than your companion. I think it's fine to call someone out on this and say that you would like their attention or maybe they'd just like to be left alone with their phone...? cuz that could easily be arranged! As far as young family members with their heads down at the table texting, never happens in my extended family. We have always had a keen ability to discipline the kids with just a good dose of stink-eye!
One more reason I don't eat out more often.....those rude people who can't live for two seconds w/o their device. I had to leave my comfortable spot in the small town library yesterday because an obnoxious (older 40/50's)couple came cruising in yakking away each on their phone. they proceeded to sit in the reading area and talk back and forth and to a third party. On my way out I checked the "please do not use your cell phone in the library" sign on the entrance door. Rude and a sign of the times, many have no social skills or consideration. (end of vent, thanks)
I'm GenX and I don't even take my phone into a restaurant if I've purposely made plan to meet someone (or someones).
I made the plans to see them and to spend rare moments with. All of us do (1 BB, 3GX and 2Mils).
We all purposely leave our electronic leashes in the car. (This is not saying that if someone has a child that one of the others knows she needs to have contact with, etc) There is nothing that we care about that's important enough (someone's facebook status?) to take the time we have together. Funny, how the one who gave up her phone the hardest (19) is now the one who's the most adamant about keeping electronics out of personal relationships.
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