How often do you visit the grave site of deceased family? (children, brother)

[thegreenflute334]

Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson

I am not a fan of the commonly accepted rituals surrounding death. I rarely go to funerals which I consider barbaric and I the only time I visit graveyards is in the company of someone who wants to go. My father was cremated in 2005 and I went once with my mother to the graveyard because she wanted to see where his ashes were located. When she died in 2011 she was cremated and was put in the same space. I have not been back there, nor do I intend ever going. If I did go, it would only be for the purpose of seeing whether they got her name spelled correctly on the plate.

I would be much more inclined to honor deceased relatives with a home ceremony like a dumb dinner or something like that.

20yrsinBranson

Oh come on.. really? A dumb dinner and that's how you honor your family? You're not that far away from me and I have been to Branson several times.. and you are petrified and classifying scattering someone ashes as as a ritual? All I can say is Wow! Man... I have more respect than that.. personally. I don't visit my parents enough like I should. But I do visit. Sheesh

[SoulJourn]

I don't even understand why anyone visits the graves of dead loved ones.

I'd rather look through a photo album if I am feeling nostalgic.

[thegreenflute334]

Well. everyone is entitled to their opinion.. but I think not visiting equates to saving gas.. not dealing with it-- fear and a thousand other excuses not to do it. In all honesty, I had no idea of the phenomenal "fear" element existed for number one.. which serves as an compass around people after someone passes.

Didn't have a clue. Now about that upcoming partnership with the parapsychologist and me... I think it's good relationship! LOL!

[kateaboo]

My grandmother passed away in May and I have yet to go visit her since the funeral. I guess it still hurt a little.

[kettlepot]

Originally Posted by TracySam

I've always wondered if visiting graves is a very "Catholic thing." ... I think my mom even said once that it was a "Catholic thing" so maybe that's how I initially got the idea (Mom is an ex-Catholic).

I was raised Catholic, but don't make a point of visiting graves. If it's a Catholic thing, it's only Catholics of certain nationalities.

Originally Posted by fleetiebelle

My dad always says, "whatever you believe, their spirits aren't at the cemetery,"

That's my thought. I visited my parents grave once, and as I looked at the grave and the land surrounding me, I realized that this was a strange place that had no connection to my parents whatsoever. In my memories, my parents are at the house in which they raised their family, spent their later years, and in which they died. Essentially, it's the point Germaine makes below except for the Protestant part, and that in the case of my family, the house couldn't be kept.

Originally Posted by germaine2626

We really honor our parents memory by continuing the farm where we grew up and our dad lived his entire 79 years and where our mom lived her 50 years of marriage. We are closer to our parents on the fields and in the woods than by their graves. We are Protestant (if that makes a difference).

Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson

I am not a fan of the commonly accepted rituals surrounding death. I rarely go to funerals which I consider barbaric

I don't agree with Branson's point above. Whether it's funerals, Passover seders, or a specific 4th of July tradition, I am a fan of ritual and the link it provides from the past to the future. Maybe my affinity for ritual IS a Catholic thing.

[sheena12]

Originally Posted by TracySam

I've always wondered if visiting graves is a very "Catholic thing." I was raised Protestant, but surrounded by lots of Catholics. They would often talk about visiting some relative's grave, putting flowers on it, etc, but my family never did it. I think my mom even said once that it was a "Catholic thing" so maybe that's how I initially got the idea (Mom is an ex-Catholic).

When I was working in a mental health center in Philly, I saw lots of clients for therapy who frequently talked about visiting graves, and they were mostly all Catholic too. So I guess this cemented my earlier hypothesis. I used to want to bang my head into the wall when these poor people who only got like $595 a month on SSI for a severe mental and/or physical condition, would spend all their money on "grave blankets" for Christmas, and expensive flowers for the deceased person's birthday, Mother's and Father's day, etc. As a therapist, I could gently suggest options and alternatives, but when it came to spiritual beliefs, we would never directly advise someone. But I thought it was awful to not buy food for a month or not be able to pay rent because they "had to" buy a grave blanket for Uncle Joe's and Grandma's graves.

To me, not visiting graves has nothing to do with how much I love the deceased person, or even about how sentimental I am. I'm very sentimental (inside) and I've lost people who I've loved a great deal, and still love. But I feel like if I wanted to "talk" to them, I can do it at home, in my head. No need to haul my butt out to a cemetery. I frequently send my deceased loved ones loving thoughts, talk to them in my head, like a prayer. The person's soul is not hanging out at the grave. I guess that's another reason why, correctly or incorrectly, I associate visiting graves with Catholicism. The Catholic church has always been of the opinion that to pray or talk to God, you have to physically go to a church, and go through a "middle-man." While many Protestant faiths teach that you can talk to God on your own, anywhere you like. So maybe Catholics have a more physically concrete notion of "where" God is and "where" the dead person is, and they have more of an idea that you have to physically GO someplace to pay your respects for them to "hear" you.

I have no clue about any other faiths, like Judaism or Islam, as to whether they believe in visiting graves. But that interests me, now that I think about it. My experience has mostly been among Christian Catholics and Protestants.

I agree with you, Tracy. I have always thought that it was a "Catholic thing".

I am also Protestant. I was 21 when my mother passed. I have never visited her grave. Nor those of my grandmothers - or anyone.

Why revisit a place of sadness? The person has passed on.

The buying of "grave blankets" and the like seems like a waste of money.

I would rather spend the money on a donation to a charity, than on a blanket for a grave. I think such things are for the living, not the dead. If it makes the living feel better, I suppose that's their choice.
Whatever floats your boat.

A blanket made out of flowers to cover the grave of a dead loved one, or a wreath of carnations?
Somewhere a florist is laughing all the way to the bank.

I know my dead loved ones and they would prefer that I spent my money - and my time - on the living.
After all, that's what live is for.

[kevxu]

I live far from any family graves.

When I lived in the U.S. I and/or other family members went to the family plot of my mothers family at least once a year to trim around the stones, etc.

One of my first cousins visits the graves of my father's family - there are three generations buried there. He checks on the condition of the stones, trims the grass around them and there is a memorial mass said for the deceased family members.

Visiting the graves in my families was about family solidarity and a sense of continuity. We had a sense of "the family" as including the living and the dead in a continuing bond. But those were other days.

[CSD610]

Originally Posted by TracySam

I've always wondered if visiting graves is a very "Catholic thing." I was raised Protestant, but surrounded by lots of Catholics. They would often talk about visiting some relative's grave, putting flowers on it, etc, but my family never did it. I think my mom even said once that it was a "Catholic thing" so maybe that's how I initially got the idea (Mom is an ex-Catholic).

When I was working in a mental health center in Philly, I saw lots of clients for therapy who frequently talked about visiting graves, and they were mostly all Catholic too. So I guess this cemented my earlier hypothesis. I used to want to bang my head into the wall when these poor people who only got like $595 a month on SSI for a severe mental and/or physical condition, would spend all their money on "grave blankets" for Christmas, and expensive flowers for the deceased person's birthday, Mother's and Father's day, etc. As a therapist, I could gently suggest options and alternatives, but when it came to spiritual beliefs, we would never directly advise someone. But I thought it was awful to not buy food for a month or not be able to pay rent because they "had to" buy a grave blanket for Uncle Joe's and Grandma's graves.

To me, not visiting graves has nothing to do with how much I love the deceased person, or even about how sentimental I am. I'm very sentimental (inside) and I've lost people who I've loved a great deal, and still love. But I feel like if I wanted to "talk" to them, I can do it at home, in my head. No need to haul my butt out to a cemetery. I frequently send my deceased loved ones loving thoughts, talk to them in my head, like a prayer. The person's soul is not hanging out at the grave. I guess that's another reason why, correctly or incorrectly, I associate visiting graves with Catholicism. The Catholic church has always been of the opinion that to pray or talk to God, you have to physically go to a church, and go through a "middle-man." While many Protestant faiths teach that you can talk to God on your own, anywhere you like. So maybe Catholics have a more physically concrete notion of "where" God is and "where" the dead person is, and they have more of an idea that you have to physically GO someplace to pay your respects for them to "hear" you.

I have no clue about any other faiths, like Judaism or Islam, as to whether they believe in visiting graves. But that interests me, now that I think about it. My experience has mostly been among Christian Catholics and Protestants.

It is a very "Personal Thing" not limited to the Catholics or any other denomination.
My husband is Lutheran and he and his brothers visit the graves of their parents and grandparents often.
You are also wrong about "having" to go to Church to Pray or talk to God and the Catholics.
Please do a bit of research of how the Catholic Church is right now before posting about something you obviously don't know the real details about.

[susankate]

When my dad died, he was cremated and we sprinkled his ashes at a local park. I always think the idea of a tree or a bench would be nice and I would have liked to have had a plaque on a bench for him. Where I live now, there are some lovely coastal walks with lots of handy benches, all with plaques dedicated to people.

Also, we have a breakwater with lots of painted rocks painted by tourists (I'm not quite sure how one goes about doing so, I've never actually seen anyone paiting one). When I was walking home today, I saw a few that had names of people with their names and dates of birth and deaths on them - they are quite touching and at times heartbreaking (one I saw today was for an 8 year old girl).

I'm not a regular visitor to cemeteries but I quite like walking through historic ones which are local to particular areas because they often give a snapshot into the history of the area.

I am now in touch with my extended biological family whose ancestors have lived in the same area for about 160 years so the 3-4 cemeteries around the town where they grew up is full of their relatives. Sadly, one of those relatives is my bmother who died quite young who died a very long time ago and I have visited her grave once with my relatives. They keep their relatives graves looking tidy. Whether one likes visiing graves or not, it is nice to see well-cared for graves.

On a brighter note, one local historian has printed a book with stories about every person in one particular cemetery in the area - all locals to the area (including many relatives) - and it is a very enjoyable read.

[okellies]

My mother passed 4 years ago and I want to say I go usually on the anniversary of her death and her birthday. Since I've moved a little farther away, I haven't gone in a while. I used to go more often, but I do my best to keep her memory alive in other ways.