U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 03-06-2014, 10:20 AM
 
3 posts, read 2,697 times
Reputation: 10

Advertisements

Hi everyone!

Ive been in foster care since I was really little. Right now the people im living with ive been staying with for a year and a few months. The problem I have is that they are strict. Like there are othet kids so we all have to go to bed by 7:00. Dumb stuff like that. The problem is that I am trying to get a job but I cant find one. I dont have any experiences to get one and another thing is I have to be home right after school.

I have gotten in trouble bc sometimes I don't get homr straight after school but sometimes I like to walk around. I told my foster mom that and she thought that meant I was sneaking off somewhere. So then I stopped doing that but sometimes I miss the bus so that means I have to walk home and that takes a while. Then I end up getting groundef for not getting home on time but the walk is really long from the school.

Theres some stuff I want to ask my mom about girl related stuff but I feel like I cant talk to her. She will brush me off or something because shes tired and pretty busy. But I feel like I cant talk to her about anything becausr she is strict and she says I whine about stuff.

Around here if we want certain things we have to come up with good enough reasons why and write them or say them to my foster parents. The stuff I want always gets denied bc they are wants and I dont give good enough reasons. I have a cot and I want a new blanket. Its just one of those things where they said if I wantef a brand new one I have to pay for it myself. That soundd fine accept I can't find a job and they wouldnt give me a new curfew.

I also worry about getting aged out eventually. I feel like I dont have anyone to talk to about it. My foster parents have already told me that at 18 ill have to leave. I.know there are programs but I just dont feel like I know enough about being an adult. Im just worried because I dont have family or anything or anyone that I know.

I just dont know how I can talk to my foster parents? They dont abuse me or anything. A few times when my foster dad has gotten mad he has said some mean things, like how me and my foster brother arent real kids. But other than that they are just strict and there's a lot of kids and I just dont know how to get their attention.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-06-2014, 11:40 AM
 
12,921 posts, read 19,798,895 times
Reputation: 33944
Don't you have a case worker who checks in on you? She should be an advocate for you, and should definitely answer your questions regarding your future.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-06-2014, 11:50 AM
 
17 posts, read 16,965 times
Reputation: 25
Please go to your school counselor. Explain your need for female guidance. Explain your concerns about learning to care for yourself as an adult. Maybe they can help you get a job that will get you school credit, or get you into class that will help you become independent. Some mental health associations can help provide a case worker that will help you integrate into adult activities, such as cooking classes, getting a job. They can sometimes arrange transportation for those as well.
If your fosters don't have to add extra concern over you changing their schedule, maybe they won't be so against you getting a job.
I don't know where you are at, but some states will cover the cost of college for foster kids who age out of the system.
It is also possible for you to ask your caseworker to have you moved to a different home, one that doesn't have so many kids that you would be allowed to have curfews to allow you to work. I do understand about living with the devil you know, vs. going to live with the devil you don't know.
Good luck
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-06-2014, 11:51 AM
 
3 posts, read 2,697 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Don't you have a case worker who checks in on you? She should be an advocate for you, and should definitely answer your questions regarding your future.
Yeah but when I try askin her stuff she says to ask my foster mom. I got a book a few times but it got taken.

She says to just stay in school & focus on being a kid and says we can talk about my options later. i just dont see her that much. i have her number but shes hard to get a hold of.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-06-2014, 11:59 AM
 
3 posts, read 2,697 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by BluMoontoo View Post
Please go to your school counselor. Explain your need for female guidance. Explain your concerns about learning to care for yourself as an adult. Maybe they can help you get a job that will get you school credit, or get you into class that will help you become independent. Some mental health associations can help provide a case worker that will help you integrate into adult activities, such as cooking classes, getting a job. They can sometimes arrange transportation for those as well.
If your fosters don't have to add extra concern over you changing their schedule, maybe they won't be so against you getting a job.
I don't know where you are at, but some states will cover the cost of college for foster kids who age out of the system.
It is also possible for you to ask your caseworker to have you moved to a different home, one that doesn't have so many kids that you would be allowed to have curfews to allow you to work. I do understand about living with the devil you know, vs. going to live with the devil you don't know.
Good luck
thank you. I dont trust people from the school because they have tattled on me before and it just wasnt worth the trouble that happened.

Im trying to figure a way out. I ran away once but i was sent back. I want to work full time and stuff. thats it.

I just get worried about aging out. i wouldn't mind being homeless if that has to happen but i atleast want to know basics and how to protect myself. I mean thats not what I want but im preparing for the worse. I'm not interested in school. Just getting a job and not bothering anybody.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-06-2014, 01:33 PM
 
Location: In my mind (scary)
155 posts, read 156,250 times
Reputation: 252
You poor sweetie, my heart goes out to you. Things in your life will get as good as you allow them to. Being homeless should never be an option in your mind. Sounds like you've had a pretty rough upbringing. You can work while you stay in school. You might not like or care for it, but getting a job now and days require it, especially a full time job.

Counseling would do you some good. It can help improve your self esteem, as well as teach you how to deal with other issues you have. You are worth far more than you are giving yourself credit for. Takes a lot of guts to get help from outside the box.

Don't give up on yourself, or accept less than you're worth. Don't give up on school, or settle for less.

If you can't get any real conversation from your case worker, try calling her supervisor. She might be able to reassign you to a different worker or get your current worker to take 5 lousy minuets of her time to actually listen to you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-06-2014, 01:43 PM
 
1,035 posts, read 1,557,351 times
Reputation: 2155
You have a "cot"? You said "we". How many other foster children do they have?

I have a few friends who were adopted and a few who lived in foster care but weren't adopted, they just aged out. I also had a best friend I grew up with whose family kept foster kids. I spent a lot of my childhood over there.

They weren't abusive in the traditional sense, but they were neglectful. They were clearly only interested in the foster kids as cash cows, so they didn't invest any time or energy in actually raising them or caring for them beyond providing the necessities required by law.

Anything where money was concerned was the bare minimum. They wanted to keep as much of the money they got for themselves, so they spent as little as possible on the foster kids. Their only focus on the kids was that they didn't cause any trouble and try to be seen, but not heard.

In the slight chance that this is similar to the kind of environment you're currently in and even if it's not, I think you're wise to be concerned about aging out, especially since they've already indicated that they'll want you gone at 18.

My first thought would have been to go to your case worker too. If she isn't available, can't you contact your agency directly and tell them your concerns? I would guess that they would know about some of the programs and other avenues you can look into for your transition into an adult, including "girl-related" stuff.

You said that you got some books, but they were taken away. By who, your foster parents? Do they monitor your use of the internet and what you're looking at? If not, I would suggest using the computer to learn about things from decent places. The internet has a lot on it otherwise that isn't what you need in your life right now.

There are some pretty good teen/youth friendly websites out there like KidsHealth - the Web's most visited site about children's health that are a great start.

If your main worry is really how to support yourself, the first thing I'll say is that taking care of yourself goes a lot deeper than being able to make money and it'll be in your best interest to learn about that while also staying in school.

It was very important to my friends who were in foster care to learn to stand on their own two feet so they were very focused on finding jobs too, but they understood some of the challenges they were starting off life with and that skipping out on school is not another challenge you want to add to the list of things that can hurt your future.

You may not be interested in school, but I don't want your need to run away and be on your own to make you overlook or underestimate the importance of sticking with school at your age. It may seem pointless, you may not like it, but it can go a long way towards helping you support yourself in the long run.

Last edited by cyberphonics; 03-06-2014 at 01:51 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-06-2014, 01:51 PM
 
12,921 posts, read 19,798,895 times
Reputation: 33944
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariel Mermaid View Post
Yeah but when I try askin her stuff she says to ask my foster mom. I got a book a few times but it got taken.

She says to just stay in school & focus on being a kid and says we can talk about my options later. i just dont see her that much. i have her number but shes hard to get a hold of.
How old are you? Depending on what state you live in, and your age, you may need working papers to get a job. Those have to be signed by both the school (and one of the questions relates to your attendance records), as well as your guardian.

If you are in high school, speak to you guidance counselor about work-study. I hope it's an option for you.
And, yes, go above your advocate if she isn't responsive.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-06-2014, 01:58 PM
 
1,035 posts, read 1,557,351 times
Reputation: 2155
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
How old are you? Depending on what state you live in, and your age, you may need working papers to get a job. Those have to be signed by both the school (and one of the questions relates to your attendance records), as well as your guardian.
Very true. I'm in New York. I started working at 15, but I had to get a work permit to do it, which I had to show to employers. My first job was at a movie theater. It's a good place to start if you have no work experience.

Also, a good place to start learning a little about life and relationships since it's a very social place and you get to see couples, families, friends interacting with each other. Also making friends of your own, starting to build a support system.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-06-2014, 03:14 PM
 
15,832 posts, read 18,454,406 times
Reputation: 25619
You should go to your school counselor. Tell them exactly what you've told us. If you have a case manager...Tell her/him too. There are adults that you can ask these questions of....Foster parents are paid to take care of you, and there are many other kids that might be worse off...I'm glad that you are not in that position....But, you do have the right to have an adult to talk to about female things, and other issues like wanting a job. Again....Try talking to your school counselor....or a teacher that you feel comfortable with and can start this conversation with....even if it is a lunch lady...any adult that you feel comfortable with. You will feel better if you at least try. If the first person doesn't know...go to the next...til you find an adult that you trust.

EDIT: I read some other posts...and realize that you don't have folks at school you trust. I found some links for you....I hope they help you.

http://foreverfamily.org/life_after_foster_care.html
http://www.aecf.org/KnowledgeCenter/...14BE140AE32%7D
http://www.covenanthouse.org/homeles...es/foster-care
http://agingoutinstitute.com/general-resources/

Last edited by JanND; 03-06-2014 at 03:25 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top