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Old 03-07-2014, 12:17 PM
 
525 posts, read 641,730 times
Reputation: 197

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We're not high income earners and we all try to make ends meet. For a while I lived with them in Chicago suburbs when I had job there (I am in IT). Then after I lost it I immediately started to look for it but after 3 months I found one in Silicon Valley (with better career prospects). Its been 6 months since I saw them and had to miss holidays with them. Now spring is coming, its getting warm and I am thinking about visit. But on other hand, I realize I was always almost the one only visiting them but not other way. I moved around few times in my life during college and for my first job before. I lived in Chicago, then Iowa. When I lived in the city I used to commute on weekends by train. It wasn't too far. Same every 2-3 weeks when i lived in Iowa, I drove home on Fridays. Now of course I live too far to visit them regularly for weekends and just my budget doesn't fit with the idea of spending >$300 just for weekend. I can maybe visit them once or twice a year when taking PTO if I'd stay there at least for 1 week. But the thing is if I would like to come to Chicago, I'd like to come to visit actual city, not suburbs stuck there without a car (since I brought with me to California).

I'd prefer to have my mother visit for a few days in CA but the real problem is I live in studio and we'd lost sleep from snoring (I sleep without earplugs that are uncomfortable). I could get her a cheap motel but that would add more to travel cost. And another problem is my mother doesn't speak English so I dunno if she'd be fine traveling through airports beyond security point by herself.

While I miss Chicago I am not too crazy about it. I had hard time making and keeping new friends there. For some reason I found people here in California friendlier. My family usually has involved a lot of drama discussions, fights between themselves and when I lived with parents, I literary often had to pick up my mother from sister when often it was only <20 min walk and my sister almost never drove her back home, especially in winter She could but I as a younger brother was always more "convenient".

For that kind of money I would have to spend on ticket, at this point I do not know if I even wanna visit them or have one of them visit me anymore. I think I am better off living without them. And in my experience when I lived distantly they were always friendlier but each time I was back home indefinitely they were getting more hostile and picky just about anything. I could go some else place for a vacation like Denver or Seattle, book something cheap on airbnb making travel slightly but not much more expensive. Any thoughts?

Last edited by kyle242; 03-07-2014 at 01:01 PM..
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Old 03-07-2014, 12:41 PM
 
Location: Southern California
12,511 posts, read 11,069,051 times
Reputation: 34557
You should probably rotate to keep everyone happy.
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Old 03-07-2014, 12:46 PM
 
13,334 posts, read 21,362,328 times
Reputation: 36444
My thoughts are, if this is what passes for a problem in your life, you have little to complain about.

Since your family took you in, they must have room to put you up. You don't have room for your mother. You travel to her, until, and unless, she wants to visit CA. Perhaps when you are a bit more settled, and can afford more than a studio, it would be a better time to suggest she come out there.
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Old 03-07-2014, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 14,475,926 times
Reputation: 4567
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
My thoughts are, if this is what passes for a problem in your life, you have little to complain about.

Since your family took you in, they must have room to put you up. You don't have room for your mother. You travel to her, until, and unless, she wants to visit CA. Perhaps when you are a bit more settled, and can afford more than a studio, it would be a better time to suggest she come out there.
I agree, especially given that mom doesn't speak English. Switching back and forth seems fair, but not practical in this case. What might be fair, assuming they want to see OP, is switching off on who pays for his plane ticket. OP, do they not have a car you could borrow when visiting?
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Old 03-07-2014, 01:01 PM
 
17,199 posts, read 21,264,774 times
Reputation: 34636
Quote:
Originally Posted by kyle242 View Post
We're not high income earners and we all try to make ends meet. For a while I lived with them in Chicago suburbs when I had job there (I am in IT). Then after I lost it I immediately started to look for it but after 3 months I found one in Silicon Valley (with better career prospects). Its been 6 months since I saw them and had to miss holidays with them. Now spring is coming, its getting warm and I am thinking about visit. But on other hand, I realize I was always almost the one only visiting them but not other way. I moved around few times in my life during college and for my first job before. I lived in Chicago, then Iowa. When I lived in the city I used to commute on weekends by train. It wasn't too far. Same every 2-3 weeks when i lived in Iowa, I drove home on Fridays. Now of course I live too far to visit them regularly for weekends and just my budget doesn't fit with the idea of spending >$300 just for weekend. I can maybe visit them once or twice a year when taking PTO if I'd stay there at least for 1 week. But the thing is if I would like to come to Chicago, I'd like to come to visit actual city, not suburbs stuck there without a car (since I brought with me to California).

I'd prefer to have my mother visit for a few days in CA but the real problem is I live in studio and we'd lost sleep from snoring (I sleep without earplugs that are uncomfortable). I could get her a cheap motel but that would add more to travel cost. And another problem is my mother doesn't speak English so I dunno if she'd be fine traveling through airports beyond security point by herself.

While I miss Chicago I am not too crazy about it. I had hard time making and keeping new friends there. For some reason I found people here in California friendlier. My family usually has involved a lot of drama discussions, fights between themselves and when I lived with parents, I literary often had to pick up my mother from sister when often it was only <20 min walk and my sister almost never drove her back home, especially in winter She could but I as a younger brother was always more "convenient".

For that kind of money I would have to spend on ticket, at this point I do not know if I even wanna visit them or have one of them visit me anymore. I think I am better off living without them. And in my experience when I lived distantly they were always friendlier but each time I was back home indefinitely they were getting more hostile and picky just about anything. I could go some else place like Denver or Seattle, book something cheap on airbnb making travel slightly but not much more expensive. Any thoughts?
When you go visit people, you go to spend time with them. Not to just go sightseeing.

You mention not wanting to be stuck in the Chicago suburbs. It doesn't sound like you really want to see your family or for them to come see you.

Maybe after you have more time apart you will think more clearly.
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Old 03-07-2014, 01:09 PM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
7,846 posts, read 11,139,995 times
Reputation: 9201
Quote:
Originally Posted by kyle242 View Post
For that kind of money I would have to spend on ticket, at this point I do not know if I even wanna visit them or have one of them visit me anymore. I think I am better off living without them. And in my experience when I lived distantly they were always friendlier but each time I was back home indefinitely they were getting more hostile and picky just about anything. I could go some else place for a vacation like Denver or Seattle, book something cheap on airbnb making travel slightly but not much more expensive. Any thoughts?

Looks like you already made up your mind.
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Old 03-07-2014, 01:17 PM
 
525 posts, read 641,730 times
Reputation: 197
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
When you go visit people, you go to spend time with them. Not to just go sightseeing.

You mention not wanting to be stuck in the Chicago suburbs. It doesn't sound like you really want to see your family or for them to come see you.

Maybe after you have more time apart you will think more clearly.
Looks like just another troll post.

Seain that is not a point. A lot of people I know do both and even do together sightseeing. My family almost never takes a trip or go for a vacation together. If you had grandparents in China, would you be willing to pay $2000 plane ticket just to see them or to both see them and sightsee? Its not just about being with a family, it is about a quality of time and shared memories spending time with a family.

And suburbs are indeed boring (unless you are a type of person who does not like cities). I already live in suburbs in San Jose. No way I am paying $300 to stay on my paid time just in another suburbs. At least the suburbs where I live now are better compared to Chicagoland suburbs.
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Old 03-07-2014, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Dallas, TX and Las Vegas, NV
6,061 posts, read 4,806,489 times
Reputation: 13221
DON'T visit Right now.
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Old 03-07-2014, 01:19 PM
 
525 posts, read 641,730 times
Reputation: 197
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellakin123 View Post
Looks like you already made up your mind.
Not yet. How is your relationship with your family or parents? Don't say it is perfect cause I won't believe you. The only time when a family is happiest is on portrait pictures.
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Old 03-07-2014, 01:29 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA/Washington, DC
24,306 posts, read 34,342,442 times
Reputation: 33556
From the time that I was 5 until age 17, my mother went back to her native TX from VA to visit her mother only one time before her mother passed when I was 17. I don't think periodic visits are required for family closeness. If money is tight, traveling to see family should be low on your priorities list.
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