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I"m sorry to hear the diagnosis. First things first, you take care of your bucket list. If you are not seeking treatment, then at least live the life you have. Second, it's up to you how you want to handle your family. I am someone that would tell my family about the cancer if I had it. I'd also tell them I do not wish to be treated differently and am happy with the decisions made about how I'm handling the cancer and my care. It will be difficult for your family to hear the news and also know how to deal with it, but if you stand your ground, they will come to respect your decision especially since you made them a part of your exit plans. If you choose not to tell, then you'd know they aren't going to treat you differently, but if anything were to go sour in the relationship, they'd feel awful if grudges occurred and you passed away before they could tell you how much they cared. They may also feel duped if they didn't get to say what they wanted including goodbye. They may feel resentful and angry about your passing and not at peace.
So ask yourself if you are choosing not to say anything for your sake or theirs. This decision is a very sensitive one and personal as well. I can understand either side and it's entirely your decision to make on whether you choose to tell or not. No judgements here.
I'm 43 and I have no idea how much time I have left. That's why I want to sort this out as soon as possible.
Gee, so young, younger than me actually
Odd, your doctors should be able to give you some idea of how much time you have left.
Are you even sure you will die and there is no cure?
I'm sorry for what you are dealing with and i'll have you in my prayers and thoughts. I would let my family know, give them the chance to say what they need to say or what they want to say. That's a hard pill to swallow when someone you love slip away and you didn't get to say goodbye. But, it is your choice and I can only hope I'm as strong as you.
I'm sorry for what you are going through, but you should definitely tell them.
Sure, this is going to sound selfish, but if I lost a close friend or family member who didn't tell me about their limited time, I'd feel cheated. I'd feel I didn't get the chance to have the extra time, that I didn't get to say all the things I wanted and that I didn't get to hear more.
My father was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. One thing I'm doing is having him talk about his life on video so that his young grandchildren can know him better in his own words. Plus, I've been hearing many stories I never knew.
I can understand the OP's desire not to burden his family with this illness...but I can also sense that he wants to let them know somehow. The bolded part is a good idea.
However, there are documented cases where people survived and lived long after treatment. I pray this will be your case OP.
I think there's a misunderstanding. There'll be no need for palliative care, I will put an end to it long before it gets to that stage. I won't be a burden to anyone.
I understood this when I first read your post...consider the alternatives given here, you owe it to yourself and your family.
I'm 43 and I have no idea how much time I have left. That's why I want to sort this out as soon as possible.
Actually, none of us know how much time we have left.
As far as what you should tell your family, that's your decision to make. Everyone will have a different answer for you based on their own feelings toward their own families. Ultimately, you sleep in your own bed.
How was your cancer discovered? Has it been staged? What treatment has been suggested? Is your life so unhappy that you would be willing to trade the possibility of a cure for an end to it all?
I don't think you're selfish. I believe that we're entitled to handle our affairs in the way which satisfies our own wishes. If you can truly say that you've explored all your options and your decision is firm, I wish you godspeed. But please don't trade a possible 30 or 40 more years without being fully informed.
I really can't imagine what you're going through. I also can't imagine that it would be easier on your family to find out about it once you're gone. I have to wonder if you're terrified that if you share this with them, they will wear you down to try other doctors, other medical treatment, that may or may not lengthen your life (since you're planning all this out, I trust you have a living will, which a confidante has a copy of for when the time comes). I don't think your wish to die in piece is inconsistent with confiding in family, necessarily, but your family might be different.
People say that funerals, wakes, etc., are not for the person whose gone, it's for those who are left to live with the absence. Sudden (sudden-to-me) deaths are always more traumatic, and for other cases, I would feel robbed of the opportunity of a last conversation, a last hug, a last "I love you."
I think having that soft shoulder to lean on, as a previous poster wonderfully described, is something that could be very beneficial. (And, also, I've read too many newspaper articles about people who died suddenly, and simply weren't found for days, or longer. There is nobody in my circle of family/friends I would wish to have that life-long memory of seeing me in that state. Do you have a confidante who knows the score?)
I wish you peace.
Once you become more ill, closer to the end, it will be very hard to hide.
Like I said, there'll be no "closer to the end".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avant7
I think there's a misunderstanding. There'll be no need for palliative care, I will put an end to it long before it gets to that stage. I won't be a burden to anyone.
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