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Tell them. Give them the opportunity to express and say goodbye.
It's rough on the receiving end--when a diagnosis is kept secret.
It's too much of a shocker for those you are leaving behind; it makes it much harder for them than it has to be.
But will that be harder for YOU? That's the real question that has to be answered NOW.
We are all terminal. What we have to figure out is the purpose we were created for and why we are alive/lived. OP--I'd like to encourage you to use the time left to ask and seek out those questions/answers. Respectfully, pickle.
This is how I feel, too. It seems kind of selfish to keep it to yourself. At the very least, the people closest to you should know. It will give them a chance to say goodbye, have closure.
I've recently been diagnosed with colon cancer. I will not stay until the end. I've made proper arrangements to check myself out, it'll be done peacefully in my house. I've also taken care of my will and I've already paid for the cremation.
However, I still haven't decided what to do in regards to my family and friends. I don't know if I should tell them about the disease or if it'll be easier if they find it all once I'm already dead. Still, I would like to say goodbye but I'm afraid it'll be a red flag since I'm not usually very expressive.
What would you prefer if it was your family member?
I would be beyond hurt if I found out that way. I would have wanted to spend more timd with you before you got too sick to do anything! Please tell them!
I respect your choices because that's how I would handle the disease, but dang, I would want my family & friends around me while I still felt okay!
My beloved daughter-in-law passed away on February 7. She was married to my eldest son and was a wonderful wife and mother. She had a bout with breast cancer in the 90s, and seemingly recovered.
When she passed away, it was a shock to all of us except her husband and daughters. She had a recurrence in 2006 and had been treating without telling the rest of the family. We had no "right" to know, but it might have made it easier to have said our good-byes.
But I respect her wishes and try to deal with my own sense of loss. After all, it isn't about me.
I agree that it may be easier on others to deal with your passing if they had a chance to say goodbye.
Quote:
Originally Posted by theatergypsy
In your case, you don't indicate the extent of your illness, but just let me say that I am a colon cancer survivor. Five years ago, at age 73, I had surgery followed by six months of chemo. I'm still here and still doing all that I did before. I only say this in the hope that you will consider ALL the options. Bless you, whatever you decide.
We don't know your situation, but my husband is also a colon cancer survivor. His cancer was first discovered when it had totally blocked his colon at age 54. His surgeon said that he was within several days of dying. Over the next 9 months he was within "hours of dying" (according to the doctors) on several occasions due to infections, dangerously low potassium and not eating/drinking.
But, he had chemotherapy and recovered. It is now 8 years later and his "cancer scare" is just a distant memory. He has been cancer free for years and doesn't even need to return for a colonoscopy for 10 more years. He is in perfect shape, except for a few scars, and expects to live a long life. Your case may be totally different but doctors are not Gods and they do make mistakes. As, theatergypsy pointed out please consider all options. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I'm sorry for what you are going through, but you should definitely tell them.
Sure, this is going to sound selfish, but if I lost a close friend or family member who didn't tell me about their limited time, I'd feel cheated. I'd feel I didn't get the chance to have the extra time, that I didn't get to say all the things I wanted and that I didn't get to hear more.
My father was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. One thing I'm doing is having him talk about his life on video so that his young grandchildren can know him better in his own words. Plus, I've been hearing many stories I never knew.
Since you are asking for advice, I have to agree with the above. Also, your family can be a great comfort to you at the end. Don't discount how satisfying it will be to make your peace and see them smiling and speaking their love, telling you it's ok to let go when the time comes. I can't believe you would want to die alone.
The people who love us are all we really have achieved in life at the end of the day.
This depends. Are we talking about your husband and kids and your parents and siblings or distant cousins and acquaintances? Your immediate family and those closest to you would be absolutely crushed if you knew you were dying and didn't tell them. Many of them would never get over it.
With cancer you never know how long you have. I just went through 4+ years of cancers with my father-in-law including colon, prostate, and liver. If my husband and his siblings weren't told, it would have torn apart his family. It would have devastated all of them! We all worked on spending time with him and doing things he never got to do. The man hated me the moment he met me, but I gave up Christmas LITERALLY so my husband could spend the day with his siblings and dad 3 hours away. I spent the day alone eating a tv dinner. Was I happy? No, but I gave a dying man something no one else could give him. He wanted one last Christmas with all of his children together. He hadn't had that in years because we lived out of state and one daughter was a missionary overseas.
People need to say goodbye. You do as well. There will come a time when you will need help. You won't even be able to sit up without help. There will be days when you just want to cry and having someone to lean on is good for you.
You say you've made all of your preparations, but what about your loved ones? They aren't getting a chance to prepare if you don't tell them. You may also change your mind as time goes on or as things progress. Give people a chance to say goodbye including yourself.
I've recently been diagnosed with colon cancer. I will not stay until the end. I've made proper arrangements to check myself out, it'll be done peacefully in my house. I've also taken care of my will and I've already paid for the cremation.
However, I still haven't decided what to do in regards to my family and friends. I don't know if I should tell them about the disease or if it'll be easier if they find it all once I'm already dead. Still, I would like to say goodbye but I'm afraid it'll be a red flag since I'm not usually very expressive.
What would you prefer if it was your family member?
You probably should tell them about it, although you don't have to give all the details.
You should also be aware that a suicide could be a crimp in your funeral plans. Suicides are investigated as homicides, and if no one knows how sick you are, it might extend out the investigation.
You should also be aware that a suicide could be a crimp in your funeral plans. Suicides are investigated as homicides, and if no one knows how sick you are, it might extend out the investigation.
I'm sure your mind is set and my thoughts are with you whatever you decide. I just wanted to share that I know of two people (male and female) who beat stage 4 colon cancer and went on to live beautiful lives - they are still with us.
Hey, if you are not on palliative care yet, then show IS going on. Advanced drugs can do a lot an extend your life and let you appreciate life and view it from totally different perspective. Don't give up.
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