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Old 03-10-2014, 03:23 AM
 
8 posts, read 6,011 times
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I've recently been diagnosed with colon cancer. I will not stay until the end. I've made proper arrangements to check myself out, it'll be done peacefully in my house. I've also taken care of my will and I've already paid for the cremation.

However, I still haven't decided what to do in regards to my family and friends. I don't know if I should tell them about the disease or if it'll be easier if they find it all once I'm already dead. Still, I would like to say goodbye but I'm afraid it'll be a red flag since I'm not usually very expressive.

What would you prefer if it was your family member?
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Old 03-10-2014, 03:25 AM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,257,322 times
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This is a decision that can only be made by you.
What others would want should have no baring on your decision.
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Old 03-10-2014, 03:37 AM
 
8 posts, read 6,011 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
This is a decision that can only be made by you.
What others would want should have no baring on your decision.
My fear is that they'll feel betrayed in the sense that I will not be telling them the whole story.
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Old 03-10-2014, 03:39 AM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,257,322 times
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That is a very real possibility however, you are the only one who can decide how you want to handle this.
I hesitate to make a suggestion however, you may think about writing a personal note to everyone or a general letter and have it read during the reading of your will.
Then you can explain why you chose not to tell them IF you do choose not to tell them.
That can be your goodbye to them without being obvious when you do see them before you cross over.
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Old 03-10-2014, 04:11 AM
 
8 posts, read 6,011 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
That is a very real possibility however, you are the only one who can decide how you want to handle this.
I hesitate to make a suggestion however, you may think about writing a personal note to everyone or a general letter and have it read during the reading of your will.
Then you can explain why you chose not to tell them IF you do choose not to tell them.
That can be your goodbye to them without being obvious when you do see them before you cross over.
Thanks for the suggestion. I think I would leave them a letter either way. I doubt I'll be able to give them a last hug without raising suspicion though.
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Old 03-10-2014, 05:26 AM
 
Location: The Jar
20,068 posts, read 14,441,938 times
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Tell them. Give them the opportunity to express and say goodbye.

It's rough on the receiving end--when a diagnosis is kept secret.

It's too much of a shocker for those you are leaving behind; it makes it much harder for them than it has to be.

But will that be harder for YOU? That's the real question that has to be answered NOW.

We are all terminal. What we have to figure out is the purpose we were created for and why we are alive/lived. OP--I'd like to encourage you to use the time left to ask and seek out those questions/answers. Respectfully, pickle.

Last edited by picklejuice; 03-10-2014 at 06:19 AM..
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Old 03-10-2014, 06:16 AM
 
26,357 posts, read 24,524,583 times
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God Bless you, and be with you!

I don't think anyone but you can answer that question, what would you like to do....and yanno,
party, party and enjoy life as long as you can....
Sending hugs.
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Old 03-10-2014, 06:35 AM
 
Location: Southwestern, USA
15,394 posts, read 12,143,677 times
Reputation: 16628
Something to think about...like the president does getting all opinions from his cabinet...then
does whatever he pleases. And, best wishes to you.


Maybe you could say you had a friend pass away or is terminal and it got you
to thinking how short life is and how you have never said the things you should have.
Tell each one something absolutely wonderful to remember...like, I have never told you how proud
I am of you and feel so blessed you are my son.
Or that time you did such and such really really meant so much to me, I never told you.

Blabla....no one has to think you are dying...if you cry, make it seem it is your buddy that
you're crying about.

Do it...you will grow in your heart leaps and bounds...and get lots of pats on your
back on the Other Side.
Love and connection and kindness is ALWAYS the way to go
when indecisive on what to do.
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Old 03-10-2014, 06:38 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,308 posts, read 41,880,675 times
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How would YOU feel if they kept it from you?

I am very sorry that you are dealing with this.
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Old 03-10-2014, 07:35 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,648 posts, read 33,445,874 times
Reputation: 32369
I can see both sides. I was pi&#ed when I found out that my father was dying of liver cirrhosis and he kept it from me for a year. On the other side, I think you have the right to die in peace and if your loved one not knowing and treating you like normal gives you peace, I'd not judge you at all.
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