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Before we even knew if we were going to be approved, some family members began commenting on the space, asking questions/comments like:
Not in the well meaning type of way like your mother would do, but in the "oh my god, i need to find something to pick at" sort of tone. Once we finally moved in and they saw the space...the silence from a SIL (the biggest detractor by far) was deafening and she toured the space with faces of sadness, disbelief and anger. To make matters worse, this week she'll be moving into an extremely dangerous/poorly run rental complex (based on reviews, police reports) since her credit has been destroyed, a development i'm definitely not happy with. The sad part about it is that I want to reach out to all my family members and say "Our 'success' DOES NOT affect yours" but it wouldn't help. We've been glamorized to the point that any of their misfortune traces back to us somehow, even though I describe my life as utterly average compared to my peers.
So it sucks that you're going through this OP but at least you're not alone! haha.
That's the WORSE. It's one thing if someone is giving constructive criticism but when people just find ANY, ANYTHING to nit pick at its the most cynical thing. My mother is sort of like that with my sister and DEFINITELY with me. Heck, my family is like that with ANYTHING I do.
All you can do is enjoy your life, be happy with your accomplishments, as long as you're not hurting anyone.
My abridged version of the Envy vs Jealousy speech goes here:
1. Envy: possessions or status (non-romantic)
2. Jealousy: romantic partners (jealous of attention your wife gives to another man for example)
People will always be envious of others' accomplishments. It's a useless feeling but it does happen. Maybe the friend feels competitive with you. It's a big insecurity.
I know of no friend who envies me. Or they hide it well.
I don't envy anyone I know. It's easy bc you can't envy one thing...you have to look at their whole life. Which I wouldn't want. Also, if I want anything, be it a material thing, a trip, a job, a relationship...I just go get it. No envy necessary.
You have a long history together, so I wouldn't suggest just dumping him. Next time I felt slighted, I'd say something like "You don't seem to be genuinely happy for me. What's up?" Then when he hedges (which he probably will), I'd tell him this wasn't the first time I had felt this way.
Hopefully you can discuss it and he'll stop. It is possible he isn't really fully aware of it.
They say jealousy is a green eyed monster and it is ..it has no place yet it seems to rear its ugly head everywhere.
I have green eyes but I don't have a jealous bone in my body. And I'm not a monster!
In my youth I probably felt envious of others' personal or professional successes at times (which I think is different), but I love the few friends I have so much that my happiness superseded those feelings. Now that I'm older I don't even feel envy. When a friend has a massive success, I genuinely cheer. When they experience hardships I feel helpless. My friend has struggled to have a baby for quite a while and I find myself not talking about my children as much. Maybe as you get older it just becomes more natural that your empathy grows at the same rate as those pesky silver hairs. I long for happiness for the people I care about, and ultimately, it has nothing to do with whether I'm accomplishing my goals. That's up to me.
If you know he is jealous of your success, why are you still with him? You don't need to be a martyr. He doesn't value you as much as you value him. Maybe he is showing his support in a different way by supporting you when you are down. His comments about you not being the next Bruce Lee could be just playful banter & he is pulling your leg. Friends do that a lot. Either you don't understand him completely or vice versa. Since you have some resentment towards him, take a break from him & hangout with other friends for a while. See if you can get over your feelings or if he misses you & wants to talk about changing his attitude. If you don't get the respect you deserve, you should leave the toxic relationships.
It might not be that he's jealous. it could be that he's uncomfortable with any success including his own. I noted you touting his successes more than you note that he did. How is he when he's successful? Does he downplay it? Seem uncomfortable. Maybe he doesn't know how to be supportive when times are good. I know a lot of people this way. They're great when things are bad, but don't know how to handle happiness or good fortune without saying something negative - it's kind of like superstition.
Has anyone ever experienced this or thinks they have? I have a best friend of mine, who sometimes I feel may be a bit jealous of me in some ways or probably doesn't want me to succeed or at least succeed past him.
That is NOT what best friends do.
I would find better friends.
I have recently reached the breaking point with what I suspect is a jealous friend.
We used to be pretty close, though she always had a tendency to cause drama in our friend group. Because it was typical behavior of her, no one ever really challenged her about it. We ignored it, it would come and go.
A few months ago was the last straw for me. From the time I met her in college, we were both single. We had both never had boyfriends. It was a big thing for us to bond over.
I got my first boyfriend last year. From that moment forward, our friendship was transformed. She started contacting me less, stopped responding to my attempts to stay in touch with her (we live in neighboring states). She was rude to my boyfriend the first time meeting him and the few times she saw him after that. She happened to be visiting the week after I got dumped, just at the end of July (the relationship lasted 9 months). She was cold, rude, unsupportive. I have never asked my friends for much and that was the one time in my life I really needed someone to support me and help me through a tough time. She came to visit again last weekend...and never even told me. She hung out with other friends of ours that live in the area but somehow couldn't even let me know she'd be here.
I pride myself on being the type of friend who supports the people I care about, regardless of any jealousy I may feel (and believe me, I have felt jealous many times, mostly when friends meet people/find relationships...I have found beyond materialistic things, that is the hardest thing to watch your friends experience when you don't have it, so I totally get it! But I would NEVER start to treat friends differently because of it).
She has officially lost my friendship because of her inability to deal with her own jealousy.
When I'm in the dumps in life, he seems the most eager to "be there" and is more than happy to be the "hero" or "savior". When things aren't going to good, he seems to be more delighted of my misfortune, to an extent.
Perhaps the thought of me becoming as successful or more successful than him scares him? Perhaps me expanding my world will bother him? I'm not sure but he just never seems fully accepting. If I want to get a black belt in martial arts his response is something along the lines of "Well, you'll never be a Bruce Lee (no one would but you get the point)" If I want to get back into gymnastics his response is "Its too late for that, you won't be as good as those people", if I want to make a comic his response is "Well, you won't be a Frank Miller". My goals are always met with some sort of resistance rather than support.
I don't know, maybe I'm crazy, thinking too much but I just can't help but shake the feeling that he probably doesn't want me to be too successful. Maybe he's happy where I'm at and it'll make him feel uncomfortable if I strive for bigger things. I don't know.
Anyone else ever experienced something similar? What are your thoughts and opinions?
OP, this is partly your perception and the reality of human nature.
My best friend and I grew up together in the same income bracket. Our parents made similar amount of money and we hang out with the same unpopular crowd.
At college, my friend changed. He became a leader, he worked out and became the resourceful guy everyone liked networking with. He attended an Ivy League school in the US, leaving me miles behind. Years later, he sold a company and made it to the millionaires league. I felt so insecure and angry. I have always been insecure OP, every bit of good news I hear about him is a stab to my ego.
I never said anything kind to him after his success. I belittled his achievements, laughed at his lifestyle and if anyone mentioned his name in front of me, I change the subject. I felt this way because we came from the same background, now we can't be more different. Like your friend, this feeling comes from insecurity and fear of being a failure. My friend was great to me but I couldn't wish him well anymore because of that insecurity.
Every success he achieved was a reminder of my own failed potential. He has a very busy social life and we are not in the same social circles. It is human nature to want to move onto bigger and better things. Sometimes I feel I lost a friend but then realised he would leave me anyway. Successful people hang out with their own kind.
I think you should just continue being a supportive friend OP. If you do become successful, it will hurt your friends ego but to choose between a friend and being successful? When you become successful you have to find friends at your own level and not give a damn about making other people feel secure.
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