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Old 03-25-2014, 07:47 AM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,671 posts, read 58,142,499 times
Reputation: 26518

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^^^ I think you should re-read the scenario as posted. The daughter came in, went right to the bathroom and started the telephone conversation in there, then came out and sat on the couch - still talking loudly on the 'phone - where the OP was watching a TV program. The daughter continued talking loudly on the 'phone and the OP pointed her towards the door to continue her conversation out there.

Who's rude?
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Old 03-25-2014, 07:50 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 40,004,782 times
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Why is this an issue with you? You knew the child's Mother was going to be involved when you got involved with this child's father. When you know that then you also know that the Mother is going to be "in your home" most of the time whether she is physically there or not.
As far as the television/soap operas go, record that so you can watch it in peace later or turn the dang thing off. Is the soap opera that important?
How about the next time you are all sitting down to dinner talk about cell phone use while in the house and set some sort of ground rules. I doubt it will help but it can't hurt at this point.
The relationship between this child and her Father is just that, between them and if he thinks she is ignoring him or whatever then it is his place to talk to his child about it. It is not your place to do so or to say anything about it.
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Old 03-25-2014, 08:01 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,846 posts, read 23,073,284 times
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Who the daughter speaks to on the phone is her own business. In case anyone missed it, the daughter is a grown woman, only one year younger than the OP. I think the OP trying to act out some kind of parent-child relationship with a grown woman and thus creating unnecessary drama. Stay out of the relationship between the daughter and her parents. Treat general rudeness the same way you would with any other adult visiting your home.
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Old 03-25-2014, 08:59 AM
 
Location: Georgia
4,560 posts, read 4,065,612 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by temazepam View Post
There's something my boyfriend's daughter has been doing that's bugging me and I'm not sure how to handle it. I've lived with my boyfriend for many years. He's divorced and his daughter is grown, and only a year younger than me. The problem is that in all this time, whenever she's visited, she's accepted calls on her cellphone from her mother checking up on her. Every single time she's visited her father all these many years! Before cell phones were as common, her mother would call our landline and ask for her. This was usually on Thanksgiving. His daughter and ex-wife live in the same city and see each other often. He and I no longer live there, and have lived a few states away for some time now. As I see it, she can always talk to her mother any time. But not so with her father. Since I don't know how to handle this, I've let it go on too long, and I need to talk to his daughter about it next time, because I feel like she's bringing her mother into our home with her whenever she calls. And not just where we live - if she's going out to eat with him, for example, she'll take her mother's call right there and then, while we're all waiting for our food.
Another thing I find really wrong with the picture: whenever her dad tries to call her, she doesn't pick up and he tries to leave a message, but her voicemail is full. Yet she never fails to pick up for her mother?? I don't understand why the old witch is always checking up on her, since she's an adult and has been one for a long time. I also don't understand why she doesn't just turn the phone off while she's visiting.
Last time this happened, she and her dad arrived (I didn't think they'd be there so early) while I was in the middle of watching my soap opera. She went to use the bathroom, and as soon as she got done in there, she picked up her cell phone, and told her mother, "...yeah, I'm over at my dad's..." and she talks loud anyway, then as she was yakking away on her phone, she sat beside me on the couch while I was trying to hear my soap opera. I then got her attention and pointed to the patio door. So she continued the call outside. Her dad got mad at me for kicking her outside. But I think she was being rude, and she didn't seem to care that I was trying to watch TV.

This is NOT your fight to "handle". Stay out of it. It's between her dad and her, if HE thinks she's being rude by talking to her mother so much while on "his" time, then HE can address it. But, basically, she's an adult and can talk to whomever she pleases whenever she pleases. If she chooses not to accept calls from her father, that's on HER -- STAY OUT OF IT. Besides, she's probably still a little annoyed that he married someone so close to her in age. :-) She's close friends with her mom, as a lot of young women are, and likes to talk to her. You think you're going to slow that train down? Think again.

Now, you can certainly request that phone conversations be carried on in another room while you are watching your soaps (although a case could be made that you are being rude by choosing to watch TV instead of entertaining your step-daughter during her visit.) She doesn't turn the phone off when she's visiting because that's just not what people do these days -- they're afraid they might miss something vitally important. *yawn*. The bad manners -- taking phone calls at dinner, etc. -- are something that you can address gently, but do NOT bring her mother into it. Maybe you can suggest a technique that's being used by some young people these days: At a restaurant, all cell phones go in the middle of the table, and the first one to reach for the phone before the meal is over pays for everything. :-) Of course, this also guarantees that neither you nor your husband can take calls during a meal, either!
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Old 03-25-2014, 09:14 AM
 
26,319 posts, read 24,422,016 times
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I'm sorry to say, that if the father of this daughter doesn't see anything wrong with this, anything you would do or say would be interferring.

I would simply let it go...by talking to her, your going to make a very bad situation, where she may not come as much.

Maybe her mother is extremely controllling...yanno, the daughter is a grown woman, she should know better....i'm convinced they are doing this on purpose.

Leave it and think about something else....otherwise, it may cause huge problems for the two of you.
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Old 03-25-2014, 09:22 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,140 posts, read 20,319,586 times
Reputation: 26377
Let's be honest here, you can't date someone whose child is only a year younger than you, and not expect to have some issues come up. If this is the only issue you're having, I'd just ignore it. You're not her mom and you can't teach her good cell phone manners. You can lead by example, but if you actually say anything to her about it, especially that you feel that every time she takes the phone calls she's "bringing her mother into your home," it's going to lead to a big discussion in which all of the grievances stored up over the years will be aired. Maybe that will be a good thing, but it generally isn't.
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Old 03-25-2014, 09:38 AM
 
6,475 posts, read 9,891,424 times
Reputation: 10904
Oh how ridiculous. suppose you post with a real problem? Since when do you expect to force a WOMAN YOUR AGE to not speak to her mother because she's in her father's home? Since when is that not ok? That's just ridiculous. She's damn well free to speak to whoever she damn well pleases. She just needs to learn a bit of etiquette, and you need to do some growing up, just like her.

Again, get a real problem.
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Old 03-25-2014, 10:26 AM
 
16,992 posts, read 20,598,336 times
Reputation: 33956
Quote:
Originally Posted by STT Resident View Post
^^^ I think you should re-read the scenario as posted. The daughter came in, went right to the bathroom and started the telephone conversation in there, then came out and sat on the couch - still talking loudly on the 'phone - where the OP was watching a TV program. The daughter continued talking loudly on the 'phone and the OP pointed her towards the door to continue her conversation out there.

Who's rude?

Not only that but where did Willow Wind get step daughter from? The OP isn't married to the father of this woman.

I think the daughter is rude but when you date/live with or even marry someone who has an adult child practically the same age as you, they're are going to be issues.

And if this is the biggest issue, the OP should consider herself lucky.

The father needs to deal with this, not the OP.
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Old 03-25-2014, 11:13 AM
 
4,787 posts, read 9,250,582 times
Reputation: 12632
Sorry about step daughter/ girl friend confusion, reading and typing too fast in an airport lounge- mea culpa

However, the OP is still rude by not meeting her boyfriend's daughter at the door and welcoming her. Turn off the darn TV. Both the OP & daughter need to learn some manners in my book. To a degree they're both acting like high schoolers, too much drama over nothing. This, I bet, has been a long pattern on both their parts.

The girlfriend lets it be known by her actions of ignoring the daughter that the daughter is not really welcome. The daughter brings her mother into the picture to bug the girlfriend. Who knows how many years this has been going on.

Adults sit down, converse and try to resolve their differences. Instead these two are sniping at each other by seeing who can annoy the other the most. I also agree with others who suggest the father should lay down some ground rules about phones at inappropriate times in the house.
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Old 03-25-2014, 11:19 AM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,671 posts, read 58,142,499 times
Reputation: 26518
Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind View Post
However, the OP is still rude by not meeting her boyfriend's daughter at the door and welcoming her.
When the father and daughter come through the door and the daughter makes a beeline for the bathroom, should the OP jump up and block the daughter's path in order to welcome her at the risk of the young lady wetting her knickers?
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